Adam Wingard's BLAIR WITCH (2009) in theaters.We get it, Adam. Rent was overdue.
2016!. Fucking "Blair Witch" came out just recently! And this year's "SMM VII" gets off to a sucky start for 'moi.' :'( :-P
WOLF CREEK (2005) at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Theater for the first time.Roscoe P. Coltrane retires to Australia. SNAPS!
Wes Craven's DEADLY BLESSING (1980) on Amazon Prime for the first time.Warm-up to "People Under the S̶t̶a̶i̶r̶s̶ Floor."
Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (1968)Badass: Word invented for Christopher Lee's Dracula.
Karin Kusama's THE INVITATION (2015) on Netflix Instant for the first time.If only they had Verizon Wireless plan...
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari 1920. Has Tim Burton seen any other movie?!
In the Mouth of Madness (1994)Vigo the Carpathian relocated to Hobb's End.
The Inkeepers (2011):One star. Definitely would not stay again.
The Black Cat (1934) and The Raven (1935):Karloff and Lugosi don't actually adapt Poe.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)Vulcan mindmeld with Kai Winn? Bad idea.
Misery (1990)He shouldn't have crashed the cockadoodie car.
The Little Girl Who Lives Down The LaneAll white movie has awesome blaxploitation soundtrack
Tenebrae (1982):This truly is the giallo gateway drug.
A Tale Of Two Sisters (2003)Well that's one seriously fucked up family.
Troll (1986)Michael Moriartys dance scene changed my life.
Bride Of Frankenstein (1935)Franks reaction to getting friend zoned? Murder.
The Uninvited (2009)I wish Elizabeth Banks was my stepmom.
Hider in the House (1989)Busey's still way scarier in Under Siege.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977) Oooh, shiny disco lights. Is this horror?
The Exorcist (1973)I think I'll have the pea soup.
Repossessed (1990) And I thought Scary Movie was bad.
Hellraiser III: Hell On EarthTurns out, Pinhead doesn't really like Hell.
Burying the ex (2014)I'll malt with Alexandra Daddario any day.
31 (2016) No body puts Baby in a corner.
Blood Ranch (2006)Kinda enjoyed Rob Zombie's Rock Of Love
The Green Room (2016)Warning! Not a sequel from Wiseau Films
Paranorman (2012)Son's first scary movie; made ME cry.(Seriously guys this is a "kid's movie" for fans - part of the message re mob-mentality and fear is super-relevant right now and one of the last lines made me laugh out loud harder than I have in a long time).
Short Night Of Glass Dolls (1971)Post Rosemary's Baby, Pre Eyes Wide Shut
Dracula 2000(In Dracu-Doug's voice)Save some sweet Vitamin C for me!
The Boogens(1981)Here's a clue...call a furnace man.
The Lost Boys (1987)Grandpa's totally the star of the movie.
Kiyoshi Kurosawa's Cure (1997):An Amnesiac Existential Serial Killer in Japan.
HOUSEBOUND (2014):Morgana O'Reilly is a great final girl.
The Shallows (2016)Tom Hanks looks great in a bikini.
Sleeper (2012) Should've called it "Pro Wrestler vs. Australians."
Dracula (1931)"I love England. I have property there."
The Thing:Computerised Chess has developed a drinking problem
THE OMEGA MANJes-us Christ is Ch-uck Hes-ton with a gun!
Audition:Ahh, she's going to cut some cheese...
Xtro 1983 173 films yesterday but no Xtro? #HeartBreaking
Devil Girl from Mars (1954)"it's just three words.....MARS NEEDS SPERM"
The Sand(2015)"I don't like sand, coarse and rough"
Hush (2016)Sometimes crossbows are just a real bitch.
Moonstalker (1989)Ummmm...moon? Check. Stalker? Check. Fun? Nope.
The FogGhost sailors really hate guys in flannel.
I Spit On Your Grave (1978)First date...rape. Second date...bath time!
THE WHIP & THE BODY (1963)If you dug Crimson Peak, watch this.
Cathy's Curse (1977)Life lesson: Never name your daughter Cathy
The Conjuring 2 We interrupt your programming for Elvis break.
The Last Slumber Party (1988) Finally! A movie where nobody wears pants.
Frankenstein (1931)Frankenstein's dad's Twitter feed would be awesome.
Burnt Offerings (1976)Tony: You got off light, Mrs. Torrance.
Roar (1981)I think those 70 people disagree, Tippi.
Crimson peak (2015)This gothic romance sure feels like horror.
NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR (1985)Cheesy, corny, with deliciously bad stop motion.
The Invisible Man (1932)Lacks the subtle nuance of Hollow Man.
Mad Monster Party (1967)"I've come to steal your formula! Blah!"
The Sentinel (1977)Holy shit Mrs. Griswold, that was awkward.
Viral(2016)This movie was infectious...cough...uh oh
Prom Ride (2015) I'll vote for whoever outlaws found footage.
Bad Moon (1996) Werewolf murder: The 90's way to climax
Restoration (2016): Always check the neighborhood for death cults.
Nekronomicon, Book of the Dead 1994 Shit gets real after the Bible burning!
THE FLY (1958)Looks like she chose the wrong brother.
NIGHT TIDE (1961)Hopper's own true romance...with a mermaid.
Pieces (1982)Kendall touched me...and I liked it.
The Devil's BackboneCaptain Morgan should invest in dead fetuses.
The Exorcist III (1990)I'll have carp nightmares for a week.
Teenage Zombies (1960)Communist zombie-makers foiled by dopey teenage water-skiers.
Night Train to TerrorOnly complaint: needs more music video footage
Harvest LakeI always knew mushrooms were an aphrodisiac
31I'm too disappointed to make a joke.
Julia's Eyes (2010)I see the light! And it burns!
Blair Witch (2016)Those damn sticks are so scary!!!Not.
Session 9 (2001): So wait, what's with the peanut butter?
Attack the Block (2011): Finn kills his first alien dead, believe!
The Blair Witch Project(1999)Dramamine....required for each and every viewing.
STAGEFRIGHT (1987)Owl mask is effective fucking slasher mask.
Hush (2016)The real horror is having no Wi-Fi.
The Stone Tape (1972)Great TV movie! Slow but super creepy.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)Myers quest against all Haddonfield public services.
Trick 'r treat (2007)It's 7-11 pizza, but it's still pizza
Pieces (1982) (with FTM commentary)Kendall lifts me up where I belong.
The Grudge (2004, American remake)Flashbacks work surprisingly well, in my opinion.
The Ring (2002, American remake)Worst mother of year award goes to...
The Theatre of Blood (1973): Surprised scenery's still standing after the chewing.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)Heroine's cleavage gets bigger as movie progresses.
The Shallows (2016):Train the bird to fight the shark.
Final Destination 3 (2006)This is beneath Winstead. Wish I was!
Repossessed (1990)Match of the Century: Drebin v Pazuzu
Pet Sematary (1989) - Stephen King MarathonI guess some cats have ten lives.
Wolf Creek(2005)Crocodile Dundee returns home, loses his shit
Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005)Yes, but I don't like this movie.
Friday the 13th VII The new bloodWord has it Pomaro's all-time favorite movie
Deep Red 1975What a strange painting. Holy shit aarrrggghh!!!
Halloween (1978) dir. John CarpenterOops! What was that, a dolly track?
Girl in Woods (2016)Next time please take a protein bar!
MAGIC (1978)You don't wanna call Fats "some dummy."
Human Centipede (2010)...I really liked it. Is that ok?
Willow Creek (2013)Goldthwait does horror & does it well.
Bunni (2013) Garbage movie. (Now I'm five words short.)
DEMONS (1985)A gorefest you're definitely gonna wanna see.
The Crazies (2010)Outbreak meets Romero with an Olyphant anchor.
Phantasm (1979)"Does my truck say 'Dead Jawa Storage'?"
The ChangelingFollow the red bouncing ball, by George
Body Bags (1993)Balding Stacey Keach is my spirit animal
Ju-On: White GhostLike Amityville 2 but Japanese and scary.
The Dead Zone (1983)Walken sees Jed Barlet's future, sees Trump
Bone Tomahawk (2015)Such a modern masterpiece. Thanks again, Patrick!
Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (2014)Unique zombie film. Bianca Bradey. Bianca Bradey.
The Ambulance (1990)"Normal" Eric Roberts is scariest Eric Roberts.
Son of Frankenstein (1939)Apple does not fall far from tree.
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)Cat has a bad day on set.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)Not the same without a big crowd...
Creepshow (1982)Jordy Verill says "Weed. Not even once."
THE DEAD ROOM (2015)Kiwi ghost hunting procedural done quite well.
Frankenstein (1931)At least we know Maria's no witch.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)Did Pretorius's shrunken people blow up too?
Son of Frankenstein (1939)The real standout here was Bela Lugosi.
The Final Destination 3D (2009)The bad writing's what jumps out most.
The Descent - Down down deeper and down...oh shit
Night of the Living DeadYou don't want that look from Ben.
You're Next (2011)A combination of Home Alone and familicide
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)Maybe Michael Scott was actually onto something!
The Evil Dead (1981)No reason to even try to review!
[REC] (2007)Paris Hilton is terrific in the finale.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)Bride's Theme is my favorite movie music.
Two Thousand Maniacs (1964)Murder town movie could use more murders.
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the LaneFoster was 14, so...we're Sheen's character?
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)This would be much better in 2016
Dog Soldiers (2002)Basically, Night of the Living Werewolf Family
Scream 2: Famous person + small role = the killer.
Adam Wingard's BLAIR WITCH (2009) in theaters.
ReplyDeleteWe get it, Adam. Rent was overdue.
2016!. Fucking "Blair Witch" came out just recently! And this year's "SMM VII" gets off to a sucky start for 'moi.' :'( :-P
DeleteWOLF CREEK (2005) at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Theater for the first time.
ReplyDeleteRoscoe P. Coltrane retires to Australia. SNAPS!
Wes Craven's DEADLY BLESSING (1980) on Amazon Prime for the first time.
ReplyDeleteWarm-up to "People Under the S̶t̶a̶i̶r̶s̶ Floor."
Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (1968)
ReplyDeleteBadass: Word invented for Christopher Lee's Dracula.
Karin Kusama's THE INVITATION (2015) on Netflix Instant for the first time.
ReplyDeleteIf only they had Verizon Wireless plan...
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari 1920.
ReplyDeleteHas Tim Burton seen any other movie?!
In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
ReplyDeleteVigo the Carpathian relocated to Hobb's End.
The Inkeepers (2011):
ReplyDeleteOne star. Definitely would not stay again.
The Black Cat (1934) and The Raven (1935):
ReplyDeleteKarloff and Lugosi don't actually adapt Poe.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
ReplyDeleteVulcan mindmeld with Kai Winn? Bad idea.
Misery (1990)
ReplyDeleteHe shouldn't have crashed the cockadoodie car.
The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane
ReplyDeleteAll white movie has awesome blaxploitation soundtrack
Tenebrae (1982):
ReplyDeleteThis truly is the giallo gateway drug.
A Tale Of Two Sisters (2003)
ReplyDeleteWell that's one seriously fucked up family.
Troll (1986)
ReplyDeleteMichael Moriartys dance scene changed my life.
Bride Of Frankenstein (1935)
ReplyDeleteFranks reaction to getting friend zoned? Murder.
The Uninvited (2009)
ReplyDeleteI wish Elizabeth Banks was my stepmom.
Hider in the House (1989)
ReplyDeleteBusey's still way scarier in Under Siege.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
ReplyDeleteOooh, shiny disco lights. Is this horror?
The Exorcist (1973)
ReplyDeleteI think I'll have the pea soup.
Repossessed (1990)
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought Scary Movie was bad.
Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth
ReplyDeleteTurns out, Pinhead doesn't really like Hell.
Burying the ex (2014)
ReplyDeleteI'll malt with Alexandra Daddario any day.
31 (2016)
ReplyDeleteNo body puts Baby in a corner.
Blood Ranch (2006)
ReplyDeleteKinda enjoyed Rob Zombie's Rock Of Love
The Green Room (2016)
ReplyDeleteWarning! Not a sequel from Wiseau Films
Paranorman (2012)
ReplyDeleteSon's first scary movie; made ME cry.
(Seriously guys this is a "kid's movie" for fans - part of the message re mob-mentality and fear is super-relevant right now and one of the last lines made me laugh out loud harder than I have in a long time).
Short Night Of Glass Dolls (1971)
ReplyDeletePost Rosemary's Baby, Pre Eyes Wide Shut
Dracula 2000
ReplyDelete(In Dracu-Doug's voice)
Save some sweet Vitamin C for me!
The Boogens(1981)
ReplyDeleteHere's a clue...call a furnace man.
The Lost Boys (1987)
ReplyDeleteGrandpa's totally the star of the movie.
Kiyoshi Kurosawa's Cure (1997):
ReplyDeleteAn Amnesiac Existential Serial Killer in Japan.
HOUSEBOUND (2014):
ReplyDeleteMorgana O'Reilly is a great final girl.
The Shallows (2016)
ReplyDeleteTom Hanks looks great in a bikini.
Sleeper (2012)
ReplyDeleteShould've called it "Pro Wrestler vs. Australians."
Dracula (1931)
ReplyDelete"I love England. I have property there."
The Thing:
ReplyDeleteComputerised Chess has developed a drinking problem
THE OMEGA MAN
ReplyDeleteJes-us Christ is Ch-uck Hes-ton with a gun!
Audition:
ReplyDeleteAhh, she's going to cut some cheese...
Xtro 1983
ReplyDelete173 films yesterday but no Xtro? #HeartBreaking
Devil Girl from Mars (1954)
ReplyDelete"it's just three words.....MARS NEEDS SPERM"
The Sand(2015)
ReplyDelete"I don't like sand, coarse and rough"
Hush (2016)
ReplyDeleteSometimes crossbows are just a real bitch.
Moonstalker (1989)
ReplyDeleteUmmmm...moon? Check. Stalker? Check. Fun? Nope.
The Fog
ReplyDeleteGhost sailors really hate guys in flannel.
I Spit On Your Grave (1978)
ReplyDeleteFirst date...rape. Second date...bath time!
THE WHIP & THE BODY (1963)
ReplyDeleteIf you dug Crimson Peak, watch this.
Cathy's Curse (1977)
ReplyDeleteLife lesson: Never name your daughter Cathy
The Conjuring 2
ReplyDeleteWe interrupt your programming for Elvis break.
The Last Slumber Party (1988)
ReplyDeleteFinally! A movie where nobody wears pants.
Frankenstein (1931)
ReplyDeleteFrankenstein's dad's Twitter feed would be awesome.
Burnt Offerings (1976)
ReplyDeleteTony: You got off light, Mrs. Torrance.
Roar (1981)
ReplyDeleteI think those 70 people disagree, Tippi.
Crimson peak (2015)
ReplyDeleteThis gothic romance sure feels like horror.
NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR (1985)
ReplyDeleteCheesy, corny, with deliciously bad stop motion.
The Invisible Man (1932)
ReplyDeleteLacks the subtle nuance of Hollow Man.
Mad Monster Party (1967)
ReplyDelete"I've come to steal your formula! Blah!"
The Sentinel (1977)
ReplyDeleteHoly shit Mrs. Griswold, that was awkward.
Viral(2016)
ReplyDeleteThis movie was infectious...cough...uh oh
Prom Ride (2015)
ReplyDeleteI'll vote for whoever outlaws found footage.
Bad Moon (1996)
ReplyDeleteWerewolf murder: The 90's way to climax
Restoration (2016):
ReplyDeleteAlways check the neighborhood for death cults.
Nekronomicon, Book of the Dead 1994
ReplyDeleteShit gets real after the Bible burning!
THE FLY (1958)
ReplyDeleteLooks like she chose the wrong brother.
THE FLY (1958)
ReplyDeleteLooks like she chose the wrong brother.
NIGHT TIDE (1961)
ReplyDeleteHopper's own true romance...with a mermaid.
Pieces (1982)
ReplyDeleteKendall touched me...and I liked it.
The Devil's Backbone
ReplyDeleteCaptain Morgan should invest in dead fetuses.
The Exorcist III (1990)
ReplyDeleteI'll have carp nightmares for a week.
Teenage Zombies (1960)
ReplyDeleteCommunist zombie-makers foiled by dopey teenage water-skiers.
Night Train to Terror
ReplyDeleteOnly complaint: needs more music video footage
Harvest Lake
ReplyDeleteI always knew mushrooms were an aphrodisiac
31
ReplyDeleteI'm too disappointed to make a joke.
Julia's Eyes (2010)
ReplyDeleteI see the light! And it burns!
Blair Witch (2016)
ReplyDeleteThose damn sticks are so scary!!!
Not.
Session 9 (2001): So wait, what's with the peanut butter?
ReplyDeleteAttack the Block (2011): Finn kills his first alien dead, believe!
ReplyDeleteThe Blair Witch Project(1999)
ReplyDeleteDramamine....required for each and every viewing.
STAGEFRIGHT (1987)
ReplyDeleteOwl mask is effective fucking slasher mask.
Hush (2016)
ReplyDeleteThe real horror is having no Wi-Fi.
The Stone Tape (1972)
ReplyDeleteGreat TV movie! Slow but super creepy.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
ReplyDeleteMyers quest against all Haddonfield public services.
Trick 'r treat (2007)
ReplyDeleteIt's 7-11 pizza, but it's still pizza
Pieces (1982) (with FTM commentary)
ReplyDeleteKendall lifts me up where I belong.
The Grudge (2004, American remake)
ReplyDeleteFlashbacks work surprisingly well, in my opinion.
The Ring (2002, American remake)
ReplyDeleteWorst mother of year award goes to...
The Theatre of Blood (1973):
ReplyDeleteSurprised scenery's still standing after the chewing.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
ReplyDeleteHeroine's cleavage gets bigger as movie progresses.
The Shallows (2016):
ReplyDeleteTrain the bird to fight the shark.
Final Destination 3 (2006)
ReplyDeleteThis is beneath Winstead. Wish I was!
Repossessed (1990)
ReplyDeleteMatch of the Century: Drebin v Pazuzu
Pet Sematary (1989) - Stephen King Marathon
ReplyDeleteI guess some cats have ten lives.
Wolf Creek(2005)
ReplyDeleteCrocodile Dundee returns home, loses his shit
Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005)
ReplyDeleteYes, but I don't like this movie.
Friday the 13th VII The new blood
ReplyDeleteWord has it Pomaro's all-time favorite movie
Deep Red 1975
ReplyDeleteWhat a strange painting. Holy shit aarrrggghh!!!
Halloween (1978) dir. John Carpenter
ReplyDeleteOops! What was that, a dolly track?
Girl in Woods (2016)
ReplyDeleteNext time please take a protein bar!
MAGIC (1978)
ReplyDeleteYou don't wanna call Fats "some dummy."
Human Centipede (2010)
ReplyDelete...I really liked it. Is that ok?
Willow Creek (2013)
ReplyDeleteGoldthwait does horror & does it well.
Bunni (2013)
ReplyDeleteGarbage movie. (Now I'm five words short.)
DEMONS (1985)
ReplyDeleteA gorefest you're definitely gonna wanna see.
The Crazies (2010)
ReplyDeleteOutbreak meets Romero with an Olyphant anchor.
Phantasm (1979)
ReplyDelete"Does my truck say 'Dead Jawa Storage'?"
The Changeling
ReplyDeleteFollow the red bouncing ball, by George
Body Bags (1993)
ReplyDeleteBalding Stacey Keach is my spirit animal
Ju-On: White Ghost
ReplyDeleteLike Amityville 2 but Japanese and scary.
The Dead Zone (1983)
ReplyDeleteWalken sees Jed Barlet's future, sees Trump
Bone Tomahawk (2015)
ReplyDeleteSuch a modern masterpiece. Thanks again, Patrick!
Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (2014)
ReplyDeleteUnique zombie film. Bianca Bradey. Bianca Bradey.
The Ambulance (1990)
ReplyDelete"Normal" Eric Roberts is scariest Eric Roberts.
Son of Frankenstein (1939)
ReplyDeleteApple does not fall far from tree.
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)
ReplyDeleteCat has a bad day on set.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
ReplyDeleteNot the same without a big crowd...
Creepshow (1982)
ReplyDeleteJordy Verill says "Weed. Not even once."
THE DEAD ROOM (2015)
ReplyDeleteKiwi ghost hunting procedural done quite well.
Frankenstein (1931)
ReplyDeleteAt least we know Maria's no witch.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
ReplyDeleteDid Pretorius's shrunken people blow up too?
Son of Frankenstein (1939)
ReplyDeleteThe real standout here was Bela Lugosi.
The Final Destination 3D (2009)
ReplyDeleteThe bad writing's what jumps out most.
The Descent - Down down deeper and down...oh shit
ReplyDeleteNight of the Living Dead
ReplyDeleteYou don't want that look from Ben.
You're Next (2011)
ReplyDeleteA combination of Home Alone and familicide
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
ReplyDeleteMaybe Michael Scott was actually onto something!
The Evil Dead (1981)
ReplyDeleteNo reason to even try to review!
[REC] (2007)
ReplyDeleteParis Hilton is terrific in the finale.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
ReplyDeleteBride's Theme is my favorite movie music.
Two Thousand Maniacs (1964)
ReplyDeleteMurder town movie could use more murders.
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane
ReplyDeleteFoster was 14, so...we're Sheen's character?
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)
ReplyDeleteThis would be much better in 2016
Dog Soldiers (2002)
ReplyDeleteBasically, Night of the Living Werewolf Family
Scream 2: Famous person + small role = the killer.
ReplyDelete