by Adam Riske
10. Booth Babes – This used to be common at technology trade shows until people woke up and smelled the ‘90s. So, let’s change it up a bit and have CELEBRITIES drawing people back to Blockbuster Video instead of scantily clad models promising the illusion of sex. The celebrities will each build a brick & mortar store and then stand outside with a sign that says “Yes, I’m Harrison Ford (or whoever the celebrity is). Blockbuster Video is back. Come over! This is actually happening.”
8. Dynamic Home Video Blitzes – This example should be followed every time.
You just rented Taking Care of Business, didn’t you?
7. Tell People Physical Media Sounds Better than Digital Like They Did with Vinyl – Just say it like you believe it and the Urban Outfitters hipsters will put down their mason jar beers and head over to Blockbuster Video. It’s not rocket science. Also, if you see a hipster, remove the Blockbuster Video sign and replace it with one that says “Buster’s Video” so they think it’s a small business and not a corporate entity they’ll refuse to support.
6. Legacy Team Leads – Who’s steering the refurbished Blockbuster ships? Legacy Team Leads! Mix a little old school with this new school. It’s just like what Dr. Lee (Orlando Jones) would have done in Drumline. Honor the past and the present at the same time. Bridge the gap. Are you a store manager from 1998? I want you front and center. Are you a cocky upstart that’s never had a job but thinks everything is fucking stupid if it’s not your own idea? Well, young lady, I want to hear that new sound you’ve been working on.
4. Neuralize Everyone – People got used to streaming and renting things from home. We’re gonna have to make them forget all of that. I’m not sure how, but it will involve technology. I also want to see the CSRs in schools at every spare assembly spreading the Blockbuster Video gospel. Behavior is learned. Show them how to rent through mock trials.
2. Redbox Kiosks – We’re going to hide them (tarps, burial, flash mobs) and super glue the slit where the discs go in and out. I’ve never seen a business model so at the mercy of entrepreneurs.