I was at a convention over the weekend with a panel of Nightmare 3 cast members (minus Mr. Englund). It struck me that actors are sometimes not the best people to comment on a film. Heather Langenkamp was the only one who seemed to have some perspective about it.
The Invisible Man (1933)
ReplyDeleteFirst superpower Invisbility, Second being an asshole.
Stephen King's It (1990)
ReplyDeleteWatch Tim Curry clips, skip everything else.
HELL HOUSE LLC. (2016)
ReplyDeleteMannequin clowns moving around by themselves...NOPE!!!!!!
The Monster Squad (1987)
ReplyDeleteSurely love for this movie is Universal
Hehe. Great pun.
DeleteThe Gate (1987)
ReplyDeleteFun and games until someone loses eyeball
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
ReplyDeleteThink that's impressive? My beach has arseholes.
Halloween II (1981)
ReplyDeleteIn which Loomis is crazier than Myers
The Beyond (1981)
ReplyDeleteToy tarantulas on strings cured my arachnophobia
Blood Diner (1987)
ReplyDeleteInsulting, inept, infantile, incoherent and incredibly inspiring
Halloween III: Season Of The Witch (1982)
ReplyDeleteAn important element's missing here... Busta Rhymes
Yes!!!
DeleteHellraiser (1987)
ReplyDeleteEscaping from hell's easier than solving puzzle
Inside (2007, Dirs: Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury)
ReplyDeleteBatshit Betty Blue busts beaucoup baby balls.
A Lizard In A Woman's Skin (1971)
ReplyDeleteBest giallo I've seen or delusionally tired?
I love it and Morricone's score is one of the best.
DeleteYou might also enjoy Fulci's 1977 film THE PSYCHIC. It relies on an intricate plot and disorienting imagery as well.
DeletePsycho IV: The Beginning (1990)
ReplyDeleteThat swamp holds infinite amounts of cars.
Effects (1978)
ReplyDeleteGlad they had fun cause I didn't
Brain Damage (1988)
ReplyDeleteAnyone eager for alleyway blowjobs deserves brainslug
I have a friend called Elmer which sounds the same as Ahlmer and I have stuck it to him all his life that one line
Delete"Elmer! You fucking named him Elmer!"
Wait Brain Damage was the other secret showing at the Astor?!? Oh man!
DeleteThe Demolitionist (1995)
ReplyDeleteCounts as horror because of unexplained demons
Mimic (1997)
ReplyDeleteBest possible version of giant cockroach movie.
The Frighteners (1996)
ReplyDeleteAlso could be called: Jeffrey Combs Unchained
Asylum (72)
ReplyDeleteMuch like Tarantino, love me some portmanteaus!
The Mutilator (1984)
ReplyDeleteSo Sorry, Dad, but I killed Mom.
The Worm Eaters (1977)
ReplyDeleteWritten by a lunatic, performed by idiots
Seed of Chucky (2004)
ReplyDeleteGlen or Glenda? I like Shitface better.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
ReplyDeleteAre you telling me the doll's alive?
Cult of Chucky (2017)
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of Chucky doll are you?
Happy Death Day (2017)
ReplyDeleteWhat should we call her? Ummmmmm, Tree?
Cheerleader Camp (1988)
ReplyDeletePimpin Ain't Easy - The Leif Garrett story
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
ReplyDeleteSo great, it totally deserves an eighth word.
Leprechaun In The Hood (2000)
ReplyDeleteI had very low expectations, still disappointed
-or-
Somehow, still more racially sensitive than Trump
HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH (1992)
ReplyDeleteLast night a Cenobite saved my life.
Saw VI (2009)
ReplyDeleteSo many dark and unused warehouse spaces
Wicked Stepmother (1989)
ReplyDeleteLike Troll 2, and by Larry Cohen.
Freddy Vs Jason (2003): Saw it in a cornfield with glowsticks.
ReplyDeleteBackcountry (2014)
ReplyDeleteI could bear-ly watch that scene.
Hour of the Wolf (1968)
ReplyDeleteCame for Wolfman, got creepy aristocratic cult.
Spookers (2017)
ReplyDeleteNew Zealanders are mental for haunted houses.
Saw (2004)
ReplyDeleteTerrible acting competition is the real torture.
Children of the corn (1984)
ReplyDeleteOne Atari and this scenario doesn't happen
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
ReplyDeleteFreddy was drunk and has no recollection.
This is amazing.
DeleteI was at a convention over the weekend with a panel of Nightmare 3 cast members (minus Mr. Englund). It struck me that actors are sometimes not the best people to comment on a film. Heather Langenkamp was the only one who seemed to have some perspective about it.
DeleteTrilogy of Terror (1975)
ReplyDeleteBoy did Chad roofie the wrong woman.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
ReplyDeleteGroup of unlikable people attacking unlikable people.
Knock Knock (2015)
ReplyDeleteA Nicolas Cage level human being impression
Get Out (2017)
ReplyDeleteFinally some good press for the T.S.A.
The Mutilator (1985)
ReplyDeleteDeadly daddy dashes dummie’s downbeach dancing dinner.
Hatchet for the Honeymoon (1974)
ReplyDeleteOne way to keep using carpool lane.
It is always nice to have a private killing room, particularly one full of eerie mannequins. Definitely one of my favorite Bava films.
DeleteInferno (1980)
ReplyDeleteOnly four more years of underwater training.
Halloween II (1981)
ReplyDeleteJLC's wig aside, love it. JLC. JLC.
We Are Not Alone (No Estamos Solos) (2016)
ReplyDeleteAn unremarkable ghost story. Short runtime though.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
ReplyDeleteHow'd they fit Cheney in that cylinder?
In The Mouth of Madness (1994)
ReplyDeleteIntroducing John Carpenter as a creepier Jigsaw.
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
ReplyDeleteI spotted a robotic scorpion this time.
The Tenderness of Wolves (1973)
ReplyDeleteCriminal mastermind Felonious Gru doing early work.
Patchwork (2015)
ReplyDeleteDifferent patchwork than expected. Mom is disappointed.
Digging Up the Marrow (2014)
ReplyDeleteMonsters love pancakes. See? Everybody loves pancakes.
BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006)
ReplyDeleteAs far as remakes go...pretty bad!!
Dig Two Graves (2014)
ReplyDeleteIn movies, nothing good happens in quarries.
The Midnight Hour (1985)
ReplyDeleteOh my god! Geordi has been assimilated!
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
ReplyDeleteBest performance ever by pair of shorts.
Scream (1996)
ReplyDeleteOh my God! The popcorn is burning!
The Thing (1982)
ReplyDeleteCould have been avoided with Google Translate.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
ReplyDeleteHow long was Ali waiting in barn?
Hellraiser (1987)
ReplyDeleteThat's disgusting and I can't look away.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
ReplyDeleteNo skin seems like it would hurt.
The Hidden (1987)
ReplyDeleteNot gonna lie, that looks like fun.
Bride of Re-Animator (1989)
ReplyDeleteMore Gothic feel, fewer boobs than original.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
ReplyDeleteLike original better, but still hella fun.
Fright Night Part 2 (1988)
ReplyDeleteMakes me appreciate Chris Sarandon even more.
Vampyr (1932)
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to have a little substance.
Terror Train (1980)
ReplyDeleteCopperfield & Cutris, costumes on New Years!
Prince of Darkness (1987)
ReplyDelete2017 synopsis: YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED!
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
ReplyDeleteRichmond Mental Institute has exceptional medical care.
The Monster (2016)
ReplyDeleteCall Uber and everything works out fine.
Session 9 (2001)
ReplyDeleteSo, asbestos + abandoned asylum? Sounds fun.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
ReplyDeleteSkin condition: get treatment? Nah, serial killing.
We Are What We Are (2013)
ReplyDeleteVampirism isn’t the disease, it’s the Kuru.
Ghostwatch (1992)
ReplyDeleteWaniverse plus WNUF equals superior British original.
Event Horizon (1997)
ReplyDeleteWhat's up with the slowly spinning chair?
It (2017)
ReplyDeleteI kinda think clowns are charming still...
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
ReplyDeleteDon’t be a sheriff's daughter in Haddonfield.
The Legend of Hell House (1973)
ReplyDeleteThe precise time indications seems very british.
Ghoulies (1985)
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS THE CHANT WHERE WE YELLLLLLL
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
ReplyDeleteShould have gone for the sandwiches, kid.
Fright Night (1985)
ReplyDeleteMovies of 1985 only grow in stature.
The New Daughter (2009)
ReplyDeleteWith Costner starring, should've called it "Daughterworld."
Halloween H20 (1998)
ReplyDeleteThere is a surprising lack of water.
The Tingler (1959)
ReplyDeleteVincent Price is tripping balls. Don't scream!
From a Whisper to a Scream (1987)
ReplyDeleteTrashy anthology that entertains me like crazy
The Brood (1979): I've rage children brooding as I type.
ReplyDeleteMad Monster Party? (1967)
ReplyDeleteRankin, Bass go big with this bash.
I Dismember Mama (1972)
ReplyDeleteMarriage on the first date? That’s crazy
Day of the Triffids (1981)
ReplyDeleteBlind leading the blind against killer plants
Zombi 3 (1988)
ReplyDeleteZombie Radio! Yea! Turn that shit up!
Halloween 5 (1989)
ReplyDeleteWhen do they start Jamie’s driving lessons?
Terror in the Crypt (1964)
ReplyDeleteAll atmosphere, few scares... and that's great.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
ReplyDeleteRate this film (with some fava beans)
The Dark Half (1993)
ReplyDeleteThad Beaumont, George Stark equally unbelievable names
Night of the Demons (1988)
ReplyDeleteHalf obnoxious nonsense, half pretty darn effective.
The Mummy (1932)
ReplyDeleteShe's Just Not That Into Your Tomb.
Slumber party massacre
ReplyDeleteKillers drill, camera angle' straight from crotch
Evil Dead (2013)
ReplyDeleteWho had the dirt on MPAA head?
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) Dir. Philip Kaufman
ReplyDeleteThe emotionless Vulcan was my first hint.
The Houses October Built (2014)
ReplyDelete"More like The Houses Douchebags Failed Building."
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
ReplyDeleteHorror movies are truly unfair to cornfields.
Freaks of Nature (2015)
ReplyDeleteZombie, Vampire and Human walk into bar.
Hush (2016): Memo to self: get a backup phone.
ReplyDeleteThe Invisible Man (1933)
ReplyDeleteClaude Rains' housecoat game is on point.
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
ReplyDeleteStill a better love story than Twilight.
The Sacrament (2013)
ReplyDeleteSiemetz, Bowen, Swanberg, I'd join that cult.
The Oblong Box (1969)
ReplyDeleteGrave robbing seems like a profitable gig.
The Fall of the House of Usher (1960)
ReplyDeleteShe’s dead... now alive!...no wait, dead.
Trick r Treat (2008)
ReplyDeleteThink my review barrel has run dry.
LOL! I know what you mean.
DeleteCult of Chucky (2017)
ReplyDeleteSo, did this have a happy ending?
Grabbers (2012): Raise your tentacles and grab a drink!
ReplyDeleteNight of the Creeps (1986)
ReplyDeleteIt B everything, I love it all.
House on Haunted Hill (1959)
ReplyDeleteI want one of those tiny coffins.
The Sentinel (1977) Dir. Michael Winner
ReplyDeletePainfully dull movie with one great scene.
Wish Upon (2017)
ReplyDeleteAncient Chinese scholarship = discounts on blood prices.
Somebody say a prayer for her
DeleteThe Craft (1996)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed it, except awful cover songs
Wish Upon (2017)
ReplyDelete"Wish I was in 'The Craft' remake..."
Teen Wolf (1985)
ReplyDeleteFox acts same no matter movie's gimmick.
(and I love it!)
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
ReplyDeleteFrankenstein finishes off little girl's whole family.
The Dark Valley (2014)
ReplyDeleteRevenge for primae noctis is served cold.
Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning (1985)
ReplyDeleteI think Joey was axe-ing for it.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
ReplyDeleteCome for horror, stay for theoretical physics!
Urban Legends: Final Cut
ReplyDeleteHow could a slasher be this boring?
1922 (2017)
ReplyDeleteSometimes They Come Back from the Semetary
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
ReplyDeleteI'm A-Pauled that they couldn't find Paul.
Tales From the Crypt (1972)
ReplyDeleteJust want to hug poor old Cushing.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt Follows (2014)
ReplyDeleteWon't somebody please think of the prostitutes?!
<>Saw VI (2009)
ReplyDeleteSo literal with "pound of flesh" bit
Split (2016)
ReplyDeleteWho knew suffering MPD made you unbreakable?
Poltergeist (1982)
ReplyDeleteThe precursor to Dancing on the Ceiling.
The Brood (1979)
ReplyDeleteThose school kids gonna be messed up.
Noroi: The Curse (2005)
ReplyDeleteNever investigate babies crying - demons soon follow.
Midnight Meat Train (2008)
ReplyDeleteCan’t get dumber? Here, hold my tongue.
Night of the Demons (1988)
ReplyDeleteNorth of the Wall isn’t always bad.
or
That sweet lady made a mean pie.
The Amnityville Horror (1979)
ReplyDeleteDon't be a Kidder, watch Suspiria instead