by Adam Riske
Read part one here.
• If I go to a 9:45pm show and I get out around 11:45pm, why are there no employees anywhere? They still need to close the theater, I’m assuming. Where does everyone go? Are they in the breakroom? Did they leave already? The desertion of the lobby makes going to the last show an eerie experience. One of these days I’m just going to re-create the “Where Is Everybody?” episode from The Twilight Zone as I’m leaving. “I have Stubs points and I’m hungry!”
• Why do people select reserved seats right next to another person when the rest of the theater is empty? Are they not paying attention to where the seating chart initially selected them to sit? Also, why does the seating chart not have the impulse to spread people out but instead pack them next to each other? When this happens, I’m convinced it’s the machine’s fault and that ticket buyers are not paying attention. To those in the know, am I correct? Is this all part of a psychology experiment because we’re so disconnected as a society that you’re forcing us to crash into each other just so we feel something?
• Why is there still a pedestal to tear tickets if no one is going to stand there to tear tickets? I’ve had times where no one is there and I just walk in (having bought a ticket at the kiosk already) and then these lazy bastards expect me to walk over to them at one of the box offices so they can tear the ticket stub. One time I didn’t want to do that and I made the guy chase me down, because fuck him. Also, why do theaters sell tickets at the concession stand when there are enough people working to be at concessions and the empty box office? I’m guessing it has to do with efficiencies but whatever…shit looks cheap. Why don’t you just pull up chairs and show me the movie at the concession stand too if you’re so proud of it?
• Have theaters noticed a change since MoviePass became more mainstream? Are a lot more people going to movies? How do theater employees view MoviePass members? Do they think we’re losers? More or less of a loser than an AMC Stubs or Regal Crown Club member? If they think we are losers, do they know that they’re no better than us?
• Do people who work at second-run theaters think of themselves as second-run people? Are they like the minor leagues in baseball, where you have to work your way up to a first-run theater (aka “the show”)? Or like a nursing home where past first-run theater employees go to fade away? Is there a rivalry between the two types of theaters? E.G. Do second-run theater employees say first-run theater employees are elitist motherfuckers? Can a first-run theater person date a second-run theater person or is that taboo?
• Does anyone like D-Box and 4DX? What do theater employees (in theaters who have them) think of these types of experiences? Do they see the customers who try them for the first-time enjoying it or being disappointed by the experience? Now that we’re down this path, where does it end? Like, can I one day go inside the chair and become 4DX but it now is 5DX with the extra D being the chair now has my soul?
• How aware are theater employees of customers theater-hopping or “jumping the rope” (i.e. paying for one movie and seeing more than one)? If you work in a theater, have you ever stopped someone from doing it? What is the company policy for catching someone do that? I bet if you confronted someone about it, they would yell first and then cry because you’re shaming them. What is the line between adhering to the social contract that keeps us from becoming animals and pointing out to the transgressor that they are a bad person, thus possibly ruining their entire life?
• If you work in a theater, do customers tell you they like the recliners and reserved seating or do they prefer it the way things used to be? Are most of the people who complain older? Do these changes primarily benefit people who want to treat a movie theater like a living room and show up even later after a movie’s start time because anarchy? (Whispers into hands) “Yes.”
What moviegoing mysteries would you like to solve?