If you love "The Raid" movies check out "Mile 22" (coming soon to home video). Gareth Evans didn't direct it, but Iko Uwais is in it and kicks a ton of ass alongside (and sometimes against) Marky Mark. Bordering-on-terrible movie, but if you half-squint it sort of feels like "The Raid 2.5" on quaaludes. Worth seeing and/or renting (but not owning) if you're as huge a fan of the "Raid" flicks as yours truly. :-)
Stephen King's CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984, 92 min.) on Netflix Instant for the first time.
ReplyDeleteOne down, only 666 sequels to go.
or
Malachi, missing link in Gary Busey's genealogy.
THE BELKO EXPERIMENT (2017, 89 min.) on HBOGo for the first time.
ReplyDeleteBelko Industries, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Haliburton.
or
"Scrub's" Doctor Cox snaps! "WHERE'S ZACH BRAFF??!!"
Phantasm (1979)
ReplyDeleteStop the violence. No more dead jawas.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
ReplyDeleteWhat is he avenging? The bad tattoo?
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
ReplyDeleteDoesn’t make sense 60% of the time.
or
It’s made with bits of real Myers
Sleepwalkers (1992)
ReplyDeleteHeartwarming Mother Son Relationship...um....wait....Ewwww!
House of Wax (2005)
ReplyDeleteNaughties soundtrack can make any movie emo
SPRING (2014)
ReplyDeleteTentacle porn has never been more beautiful.
HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS (1988)
ReplyDeleteWhere's my Rev. Jackson P. Sayer spin-off.
The Cabin in the Woods (2012, dir. Drew Goddard)
ReplyDeleteApparently this is my October tradition now.
The Cottage (2008)
ReplyDeleteLeatherface settled down in quiet English village.
Jug Face (2013)
ReplyDeleteAll in the family pit of despair
Child's Play (1988)
ReplyDeleteAcademy Award winner for Best Expository Mural
Late Phases (2014)
ReplyDeleteLonely, grieving old man seeks furry friend
Wishmaster 2 (1999)
ReplyDeleteWould have preferred Wishmaster Goes to Camp
The Prowler, dir. Joseph Zito (1981)
ReplyDeleteWondering how Fox News would spin this?
An American Werewolf in London (1981, dir. John Landis)
ReplyDeleteNo frequenting porno theaters in London anymore!
Revenge (2017)
ReplyDeleteMore accurate title is “Intense Body Gore.”
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
ReplyDeleteWhich brother forgot to buy stage lights?
The Woods (2006)
ReplyDeleteLook, Ash vs The Evil Dead Wood!
Apostle (2018)
ReplyDeleteWhen I lay my vengeance upon thee
The Monster Squad (1987)
ReplyDeleteMaybe the worst way to learn German?
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
ReplyDeleteLocusts and Telepathy and Burton, OH MY!
or
“Hey lady, this is my sandwich break!”
The Ring (2002 film)
ReplyDeleteSamara's weakness: driving down the user score
or
Stream Paul Blart...die in 7 days
or
Samara is haunting inside the Matrix apparently.
Hold the dark (2018)
ReplyDeleteBad things happen in Alaska because ... wolves?
Horror of Dracula (1958, dir. Terence Fisher)
ReplyDeleteYou've got something on your face, Dracula.
Carrie (1976)
ReplyDeleteThe most slaphappy gym teacher of all!
Lost Highway (1997):
ReplyDeleteThis video dating service is really weird.
DEATH SPA (1989):
ReplyDeleteNeon Colored Foree (Ken) into computer operated exercise!
Alone in the Dark (1982)
ReplyDeleteMore psychopath’s than the movie Seven Psychopaths.
Demon Seed (1977)
ReplyDeleteVintage Alexa impregnates woman and kills Beef.
Bug (1975)
ReplyDeleteThese bugs spell better than our President
Practical Magic (1998)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe we killed... Midnight margaritas!!!!
Carrie (1976)
ReplyDeleteBook understood BEING bullied. This movie doesn't.
PROM NIGHT (1980)
ReplyDeleteNothing is scarier than Jamie disco dancing!
Breeders (1986)
ReplyDeleteFormer porn director? That explains so much.
The Shining (1980)
ReplyDeleteNow I see! The moonlanding was fake!
Malevolent (2018)
ReplyDeleteIronically, this movie sewed my eyes shot.
Psychotronic Man (1980)
ReplyDeleteHe can cut hair ... WITH HIS MIND!
Willow Creek (2013)
ReplyDeleteRoberta Hertzel wanders the woods at night.
The Mangler (1995)
ReplyDeleteThat's just another Tuesday at my job.
Rabid Grannies (1988)
ReplyDeleteThat's it! Grandma's going to a home.
Lords of Salem (2013)
ReplyDeleteUndead 17th Century witches are real Massholes.
Phantasm (1979)
ReplyDeleteAngus Scrimm: “Spheres looking at you, kid.”
Hell Night (1981)
ReplyDeleteTrapped with Peter Barton is my nightmare
Apostle (2018, dir. Gareth Evans)
ReplyDeleteHave they tried just fertilizer and water?
My eyes bugged out when I saw "Gareth Evans" next to "2018" As a huge fan of the raid movies, I thank you for bringing this to my attention.
DeleteIf you love "The Raid" movies check out "Mile 22" (coming soon to home video). Gareth Evans didn't direct it, but Iko Uwais is in it and kicks a ton of ass alongside (and sometimes against) Marky Mark. Bordering-on-terrible movie, but if you half-squint it sort of feels like "The Raid 2.5" on quaaludes. Worth seeing and/or renting (but not owning) if you're as huge a fan of the "Raid" flicks as yours truly. :-)
DeleteThe Return of the Living Dead (1985)
ReplyDeleteSend more paramedics... and more Linnea Quigley.
The Hills have eyes (2006)
ReplyDeleteWhy you shouldn't play with your food.
Touch of Evil (1958)
ReplyDeleteJust one long homage to Death Spa
Jackals (2017)
ReplyDeleteEx cult member, but I’m alright nooooooooooOOOOOOW
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
ReplyDeleteJust another classic example of Chekhov’s nun
Raw (2017)
ReplyDeleteSister's new chain restaurant -- Buffalo Wild Fings
Scream 3 (2000 - Wes Craven)
ReplyDeleteIn Jim Ross' voice:
MY GOD, SHE WENT THROUGH THE TABLE!
Extremity (2018)
ReplyDeleteMckamey Manor owner still a bigger asshole
The Descent (2005, dir. Neil Marshall)
ReplyDeleteThe monsters: meh. Enclosed spaces: holy fuck!!
I had a panic attack during this movie!
DeleteThe Slumber Party Massacre (1982) Dir. Amy Holden Jones
ReplyDeleteI get it, the drill's his penis.
Tremors (1990)
ReplyDeleteThe floor is lava, except it's worms.
The Lost Boys (1987)
ReplyDeleteMichael. Michael. Michael. Miiiichael. Michael. Michael. MICHAEL!
Halloween (2007)
ReplyDeleteNew idea: don't taunt the huge psychopath.
The Lift (1983)
ReplyDeleteSometimes not as fun as you remember.
Would You Rather (2012):
ReplyDeleteImagine Corman and Price playing this game.
Apostle (2018)
ReplyDeleteSuper slow. Builds to something, though unoriginal.
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982)
ReplyDeleteStarring: Tom Atkins - Worst James Bond Ever!
Scream For Help (1984)
ReplyDelete"Paul Fox cut my brakes, Josh Dealey"
The People Under the Stairs (1991) Dir. Wes Craven
ReplyDeleteVing could be Secretary of Pussy now.
Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (2018, dir. Ari Sandel)
ReplyDeleteI’ll enjoy any movie with Halloween decorations.
Extremity (2018)
ReplyDeleteDiBlasi continues to impress. Overall great achievement.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
ReplyDeleteDelayed adolescents senescence prescience belayed intoxicants abstinence
The Howling (1981)
ReplyDeleteSo, now I really want a burger.
Revenge (2018)
ReplyDelete"Probably not getting the rental deposit back."
Pet Semetary (1989) - Hanging brain in gym shorts....so embarrassing
ReplyDeleteThe Whisperer in Darkness
ReplyDelete“Wake me up before you Mi-go go!”
Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (2018)
ReplyDeleteNot great, but I'm glad it exists.
The Raven (1963, dir. Roger Corman)
ReplyDeleteRecognizing Jack Nicholson... month's biggest shock yet!
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988)
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's her. Maybe it's demonic.
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
ReplyDeleteMummys use bathroom stalls like frat boys.
Horror of Dracula (1958, dir. Terence Fisher)
ReplyDeleteFirst and last mistake? Being a librarian.
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
ReplyDeleteOh, stalking. I thought this was religious.
The Wolfman (2010)
ReplyDeleteLarry Talbot accepts the Ice Bucket Challenge
Wolfen (1981)
ReplyDeleteNekked James Almos Almost Made Me Sh@t
The Fog (1980)
ReplyDeleteShe should play Foghat. Carpenter/Atkins scores.
The Final Conflict (1981)
ReplyDeleteSkull Recessions Now Subject To Congressional Oversight
Blacula (1972)
ReplyDeleteDude, the sign did say no smoking.
Interview With a Vampire (1994)
ReplyDeleteNo Good Sequels in a Quarter Century.
From Beyond (1986)
ReplyDeleteKen Foree in the world's smallest manties.
Halloween (1978)
ReplyDelete“Escaped psycho? That’s hardly a priority Loomis.”
For the Love of Halloween (2018)
ReplyDeleteA fahkin treat for Ariescope fans kid
Fahkin.
DeleteThe Exorcist III (1990)
ReplyDeleteDidn't jump, but was SHOOK for hours
Happy Death Day (2017)
ReplyDeleteThis girl’s daily routine is a killer.
Martyrs (2008)
ReplyDeleteFeeling like a 1992 Trent Reznor. #Broken
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
ReplyDeleteI guess Sheila wasn't an Asthma Master.
The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)
ReplyDeleteAre you there Angel? It's me Margaret.
Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout (1990)
ReplyDeleteEven Linnea couldn't motivate me to workout
Hatchet II (2010, dir. Adam Green)
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you, something's different about Marybeth.
Carrie (1976)
ReplyDeleteWho borrowed from who? Zapped! or Carrie?
Black Sabbath (1963)
ReplyDeleteSomething about this film was Wurdalaking.
Lord of Illusions (1995)
ReplyDeleteThere actually is real magic…oh boy!
Pumpkinhead (1988)
ReplyDeletePumpkin spice blog Pumpkinhead gets unusual traffic.