by Adam Thas
Brooks is arguably the best golfer in the world right now, and after his win at the PGA Championship, the world was abuzz with shots of his girlfriend Jena Sims. While the rest of the world knows her now as “That girl who is dating Brooks Koepka,” I will forever know her as the star of one of my Guiltless Pleasures: Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader.
It’s hard to describe why I like this movie. Unlike a lot of my Guiltless Pleasures, I think I would have a hard time recommending this to anyone, but it has a charm to it. Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader follows Cassie Stratford (Sims), a biology major and nerd (by nerd, we really mean "a super attractive girl who the director threw glasses on"). Cassie attends Iron Coast University, where her mother was cheerleading captain, and she dreams of living up to her mother’s expectations. While in the lab, she and her lab partner discover an injection that makes ugly things beautiful, so of course Cassie injects herself with the drug. Like Peter Parker discovering he can climb walls, Cassie starts to find she doesn’t need glasses, and her breasts no longer fit in her bra.
Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader is filled with an odd blend of people who are completely aware of the movie they’re making, but are also working their asses off. No one person is especially great in the movie, but you get the feeling watching it that everyone knows this might be their only chance at stardom. Sims is fine, but I find when she struggles, it's in the scenes where she’s clearly by herself in front of a green screen. I’ve always had a hard time defending why I like this movie. It’s, misogynistic, and sexist, and not doing anything particularly well. Then I listened to the F This Movie! podcast on Revenge of the Nerds (which you should all listen to) and I realized what I liked about Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader is that it's a modern throwback to the '70s and '80s T & A comedies that I (sort of) grew up with, right down to the terrible one liners about women’s breasts. When I eventually got old enough to watch movies like Porky’s or The Last American Virgin, I was watching them after they’d long vanished from the theater. Watching something like Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader now is like running into a guy who is still rocking a mullet in 2019: sure, it’s not cool anymore, but I can smile knowing that dude still exists.