LUCKY MCKEE TRIPLE FEATURETHE WOMAN (2011, Amazon $0.99 Rental)Sean Bridgers, Will Ferrell's toxic masculinity doppelganger.orLesson learned: never F-U-C-K with Pollyanna McIntosh.
THE WOODS (2006, Epix). Also available for streaming on Amazon Prime and Hulu.Patricia Clarkson's "Suspiria"-like girls' institution is grounded.orBruce Campbell "playing doctor"? That's too far!
RED (2008, Plex) for the first time.Tom Sizemore, Brian Cox's "John Wick"-ing you!
From Beyond (1986)Hot take... forehead tentacle Jeffrey Combs improv!OrForee's skeleton could still kick my assOrBarbara Crampton's scientist new head of CDC
A Nightmare On Elm Street 2(1985)Jack Shoulder's 'The Birdcage' review..."Wait, what"?!OrMark Jones' pitch... Freddie's gay...and TINY!
SAW II (2005, Dir. Darren Lynn Bousman) I'm here for that sweet needle drop.
Nightwatch (1994 Dir. Ole Bordenal)Mark Jones would love lead actor's penis
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)Polo, Popped Collar, Chad? Definitely evil incarnated!
Scooby-doo (2002)Remember to spay or neuter your pets
Scooby-Doo: Monsters Unleashed (2004)Loved the practical effects. That’s about it.
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, dir Danny Steinman, 1985 There's big performances, then there's New Beginning.OrIt's all vans and enchaladas .... oh shit!!
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920 - Robert Wiene) 4th visit, never fails to amaze me.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)A Leatherface rom-com? Maybe that's a stretch.
Hellraiser (1987)Uncle Frank? Argument for smaller pod quarantine.
CHRISTINE (1983) And to think, drive-ins are popular again.
The Perfection (2018)A naked “Wings” dude would scare me.
Scream 4 (2011)I'd watch 90 min of Stab openings
Bones (2001)J Bones is...taller than I imagined
The Lords of Salem (2012)Yikes, who knew witches were such edgelords?
Hell Fest (2018)White whale of the smoke machine industry.
THE DEVIL DOLL (1936, dir. Tod Browning)Surprise, Lionel Barrymore portraying a bitter man.OrSome amazing special effects for the 1930s.
PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1987) Alice Cooper heads up HOMELESS FOR THE APOCALYPSE!
Critters 2 (1988)Eggs filled with goo birth Critters too.
WILDLING (2018) Sings, “Wildling, you make my heart sing…”
Warlock (II) The Armageddon (1994) director Anthony HickoxDads comprehend druid lore, not Lunar Eclipses
Beam Stoker’s DraculaI’ll have whatever Anthony Hopkins is having.
Wishmaster (1997)Tammy Lauren must go within the Djinn.
Happy Death Day (2017, dir. Christopher Landon)Jessica Rothe's much prettier than Bill Murray.
Happy Death Day 2U (2019, dir. Christopher Landon)Jessica Rothe's slightly prettier than Patrick Stewart.
Scanners (1981)Been told, My O Face is Ironside-esque
The Wicker Man (1973)Burning Alive is Comfier in Bear Fur.
SUNDOWN: THE VAMPIRE IN RETREAT (1989) Want 7-season Netflix show about these characters.
Halloween H20 (1998)The scary prequel to Hawaii 5 0.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)I always laugh at that travel sixer.
The LighthouseAlso starring Willem Defoe's stinky, loud farts.
COUNTESS DRACULA (1971) Fog. Mansions. Gowns. Stop! It's Hammer time.
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)I am glad Jason got a vacation.
Ghost Stories (2017)Fell apart nicely like eating warm burritos
Hollow Man (2000)Sebastian not big believer in workplace transparency.
May the Devil Take You TooPut Chelsea Islan in all the things
Society (1989)Fuck off, butt-head! I mean, copulate off!
Bad Hair (2020, dir. Justin Simien)Dawson's bemulletted television exec douchebag is perfect
IT: Chapter 1Summer vacation and clowns should never mix.
Sequence Break, dir Graham Skipper, 2017Fingering the machine for it's gooey pleasure
Nocturne (2020)Apparently practice and demonic notebooks makes perfect.
Dread (2009)What's the opposite of a Hollywood ending?
The Final Girls (2015)Field of Dreams meets Friday the 13th
Gargoyles (1972)Better looking than eighty percent of Americans.
Messiah of Evil (1973)Aw, man. Dad's in a cult again.
Jackals (2017) Family gathering includes BBQ, needs more Corona.
Beyond the Door (1974)Mom's not possessed. Her kids just suck.
Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974)Real Talk: Frankenstein's sexier with back hair.
The Night Child (1975)Red headed little girls are the devil.
Grizzly (1976)No one is safe, even small children.
Eraserhead (1977)This is exactly what parenting feels like.
COVEN (2020) Craft ripoff is not feeling very crafty.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)I want a copy of Jeff Goldblum.
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)Klaus Kinski makes Count Dracula even weirder.
The Fog (1980)Can Adrienne Barbeau read me bedtime stories?
Humanoids from the Deep (1980)It didn't even buy me dinner first.
The Beyond (1981)Lucio Fulci says fuck your stupid logic.
Death Screams (1982)A movie I like but can't remember.
Sweet Sixteen (1983)I finally got my license...to kill!
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The Mutilator (1984)Possible the greatest horror theme song ever.
Creature (1985)It's basically Alien with Ferris Bueller's dad.
Trick or Treat (1986)Great but Black Roses is a masterpiece.
Troll (1986)Michael Moriarty stars as Harry Potter Sr?
From a Whisper to a Scream (1987)Horror anthology, Vincent Price wraparound, mayhem ensues
Paperhouse (1988)Girl draws boy, forgets legs, boy sad
Beyond the Door III (1989)Come, ride the train...and get murdered.
Those model train shots are hilarious.
Fear (1990)Ally Sheedy psychically bores us to death.
John Carpenter's Vampires (1998) director John CarpenterA Carpenter's Dream; Flat as a Woods...
Howling VI: The Freaks (1991)Werewolves are circus folk. Prove me wrong.
Stepfather III (1992)Boy in wheelchair learns stepdads usually suck.
Ed and His Dead Mother (1993)Buscemi reanimates mom, somehow nails hot neighbor.
Phantasm III: Land of the Dead (1994)Reggie and Rocky romantic comedy now please.
Jack-O (1995)Linnea Quigley spends entire movie not naked.
Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)He'd kill to be a real boy.
Mike Pomaro's favorite movie when it isn't "Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood." :-P
An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)French werewolves have an even harrier derriere.
Hostel 2 (2007)Bloodbath a day keeps the doctor away.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)The only podcast that’s straight talk only
Toys of TerrorNo Christmas horror classic but not bad.
Maniac (1980)I need a shower after this movie.
Tales of Halloween (2015)The Night Billy Raised Hell sequel please
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2Words of affirmation are Leatherface's love language.
Terror Train (1980)The killer was Jesse Eisenberg all along?!
Don’t Breathe (2016)That premiere in Rosemont sure was fun.
BETTER WATCH OUT (2017) Never be a babysitter in a movie.
Audition (1999)What did the dog do to her???
Dark of the Night (1986)“Christine rip-off” I found incredibly boring.
Society (1989)That dude really looked like John Stamos.
Trick 'r Treat (2007) Dir. Mike DoughertyThanks, I'll just take the treat tho.
Edge of the Axe (1988)I prefer to be called a hacker!
Mom and Dad (2017)Another Nic Cage feel good family film
Tales from the Crypt presents Demon Knight (1995)Cordelia and me should remake Pretty Woman
Army of Darkness (1992) Boomstickin it to the man since 1300.
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) Psycho killer, qu’es-ce que WHAT THE FUCK!?
Kuroneko (1968) director Kanedo ShindoMy cats get their revenge through dander
SCREAM (1996)So we sure Stew didn’t die here?
John Carpenter's Vampires (1998) Dir. You Know WhoWhere'd John Carpenter buy those vampires anyway?
THE EVIL DEAD (1981) (second time this month) Is Bruce 12 years old in this?
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's RevengeWhy not just throw the glove out?
Sleepaway Camp (1983)That pot is just too damn big.
Scarecrows (Wesley, 1988)This one needed a little more brains.
The Fly (1986)We now know all about insect politics.
Night of the Living Dead (1990 remake)Reliance on fossil fuels dooms yo yos.
House (1977) director Nobuhiko ObayashiLike yelling "cotton candy" over mushroom clouds
SANTO EN EL TESORO DE DRACULA/ SANTO IN THE TREASURE OF DRACULA (1969)Santo: scientist, wrestler, crimefighter, vampire hunter, etc.OrHow a plot gets weirder and weirder.
The Indestructible Man (1956)One of Lon Chaney’s later sad performances
Sadder than 1967's "Hillbilly in a Haunted House"? :-O
Chernobyl Diaries (Parker, 2012)Prefer adaptations of Anne Frank or Princess
The Thing From Another World (’51, Christian Nyby [or Howard Hawks, depending on what you believe]). Not bad, but the remake is better.
The Carpenter (1988)I’ll watch all the trash tubi has.