by Anthony King
While the choices for movies to watch on vigilante day are plentiful, there's only one that features a scene where a man falls off a five-story building and not only survives, but walks away completely unscathed. If there's time for only one movie on this day, I suggest you get to YouTube and watch the sub-par VHS rip of Patrick G. Donahue's Kill Squad.
To fully appreciate the the batshit insanity of Kill Squad, I think it's important to fully appreciate Mr. Donahue's batshit filmography as director. Like many of this era (“era”), he began in pornography with a film called Passion Procession under the pseudonym G. Padon. Donahue followed Kill Squad up with a Troma picture called They Call Me Macho Woman! about an innocent city girl who's kidnapped, tortured, and then transforms into a revenge-seeking badass. That was followed by Parole Violators, about a TV show host who seeks revenge when his girlfriend's daughter is kidnapped by an ex-con he helped put away. And three years later, we get Ground Rules from Donahue, about a sport involving motocross teams armed with chains and metal claws and armor starring Frank Stallone and Richard Lynch. What I'm getting at is that to fully appreciate Kill Squad, you have to understand that this is Mr. Donahue's “best” movie.
Kill Squad is about exactly what its title suggests: a group of men killing people. After the inexplicable opening song and a brief boardroom scene, we're introduced to Joseph, the owner of an electronics business, and his wife. While Joseph is talking about how his competitors want to take over his business, a group of men (not the Kill Squad, but a Kill Squad) break into the house and we get to witness Joseph's martial arts skills. While he's fending off some of the attackers, others have pinned down his wife and rape her. Whether she is or not, and whether she even lives or not is not important apparently because after this we never see from her again, yet we never hear what exactly happened.
We're then treated to a montage of Larry walking around Los Angeles getting the gang back together. Said gang includes an Ogre-type muscleman, a huckster salesman, a construction worker, and a gardener, making up an assortment of all ethnicities and backgrounds. As we're introduced to each squad member, we see their fighting specialty in action as they kick several asses for no apparent reason, followed by Larry smiling and nodding while placing his hand on their shoulder. “Joseph needs you.” With that, each man leaves whatever life he had behind to serve their former leader. This is followed by a particularly embarrassing scene where the squad is gathered in the rose garden, and one by one shows off what they can do with weapons that include katanas, throwing stars, nunchakus, and knives, all the while Joseph nods approvingly.