Monday, June 7, 2021

Junesploitation 2021 Day 7: Sword & Sorcery!

52 comments:

  1. Terry Marcel's HAWK THE SLAYER (1980, Amazon Prime) for the first time.

    Despite a lead actor in the title role (John Terry) more wooden than the many forests he and his companions gallop across toward adventure, "Hawk the Slayer" is a blast if you can put the more ambitious "Excalibur" and technically-advanced "Dragonslayer" out of your mind. These British sword & sorcery movies came at the start of the 80's, and "Hawk" feels the most traditional (heroes band together to save the day from an evil force), old-fashioned (introduction of each new character with a self-contained vignette) and shortest (90 min.) of the three. Fans of Christopher Reeve's "Superman" will recognize props (the spinning contraption keeping Zod and his people prisoners) and special effects techniques (tennis balls as fiery balls) straight from Pinewood Studios' bag of tricks. I literally cheered when "Hawk's" editors pulled a Peter Hunt (of James Bond rack-editing fame) and jump-cut, sped-up the footage to make Crow the Elf (Ray Charleston emulating Leonard Nimoy's non-acting acting) and Ranulf (William Morgan Sheppard) seem like they're shooting a thousand arrows per second. I'm pretty sure the movie's plot centers so much on an Abbess held hostage for ransom so that the producers can get as many scenes shot at the expensive-looking religious chapel set to get their money's worth. It's "Hawk's" version of the giant volcano in "You Only Live Twice."

    Great scenery like "Hawk's" demands a diva actor willing to chew it all, and Jack Palance was happy to oblige. Looking nothing like the hero's older brother and closer in age to the king father he murders at the start, Palance's Voltan is a whale of a hammy bad guy. Jack's both so bad, but oh so good! Blink and you'll miss Catriona MacColl ("The House by the Cemetery"), Harry Andrews and Patrick Magee in small supporting roles. The only flaws with "Hawk the Slayer" are how dated the music score sounds (80's electronic disco, which kind-of has its charm) and how stacked the deck is in favor of the good guys. A woman sorcerer (Patricia Quinn) that Hawk rescues early on assures that our heroes will triumph at the end with minimal-but-significant losses. They don't make fantasy action movies like this anymore, which is both a blessing (bigger scope, more technically advanced effects) and a curse (you can't beat the craftsmanship of pre-CG practical effects). 3.5 CARTOONY BACKGROUND MATTE PAINTINGS (out of 5).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I watched Hawk the Slayer as well. Sorry J.M., I hated it. I thought it was bland, boring and generic. Only worth watching if you want to see Jack Palance embarrass himself.

      Delete
    2. You like "tomato," I prefer "tometoe." It's okay, you'd still be welcome to drink my cognac if I had any. :-P

      Delete
  2. Albert Pyun's THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER: RIFFTRAX EDITION (1982/2014, TUBI) for the first time.

    As far as I'm concerned having Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett talking over Albert Pyun's co-written dialogue automatically improves the movie tenfold. :-) With a decent budget, actors and scope much larger than Pyun would work with for the rest of his filmography, "The Sword and the Sorcerer" has a handful of standout set pieces. Like the Glaive in "Krull" (same year as this), the few times hero Talon (Lee Horsley) pulls out and uses his three-blade sword as intended they're pretty cool hero moments. Even though most of the scenes feel like the same two or three rooms and hallways redressed, there are a few expanded sets (the basement jail, the stairs around the castle, the throne room, etc.) that show-off how many actors and extras could fit into them. And even though the regular tier of 'B' and 'C' actors from the era appear (Richard Moll, Robert Tessier, Kathleen Beller, etc.), a few standout performers (Richard Lynch as heavy Cromwell, "Manimal's" Simon MacCorkindale as would-be-king Mikah, "Murphy Brown's" Joe Regalbuto, etc.) make "Sword and the Sorcery" feel like what most Pyun projects aspire to be but fall short of: coming across the screen as real movies.

    I'm used to the Rifftrax and "MST3K" guys working the 'PG-13' side of the comedy aisle, but since this is an 'R' rated movie (one they cannot censor since they're just adding a voice-over joke track) they get a little too blue for my taste. Mike calling Talon an "a*hole" for waiting until Alana was almost raped before stopping the attack (along with some very timely dick jokes) had me laughing and in shock simultaneously. Good call by Kevin when he points out Talon's best skill is "being a loser who lucks out stumbling on oil barrels that he uses to set people on fire." :-D Richard Lynch never cuts loose on being an evil bastard and Talon's going through the motions of being a self-centered hero (a poser not fit to be tied in "Conan's" Tree of Woe, let alone this flick's continuity-challenged crucifixion finale), but overtall both the stand-alone "Sword and the Scorcerer" and its Rifftrax treatment 'are fine.' (FTM TM). 3 BLACK CAPTAIN MORGANS (out of 5).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Disney's THE BLACK CAULDRON (1985, Disney+) for the first time.

    The best thing about this fantasy animated feature is that, at 81 minutes long (76 if you skip the credits), it doesn't outstay it's welcome. It has a spotless Dolby Vision-enhanced transfer on Disney+. In my 4K 65" TCL set I saw no dirt specs and the seams of the animation cutouts clearly visible against the backdrops. Not the fault of the original animators/artists back in the early 80's that modern day home video lets us see both the good (creative use of colors, lots of sharp detail for even the tiniest distant object, etc.) and ugly (paint brushes, thin white outlines around characters' limbs, etc.) of a media artform that's gone out of favor. And even though most of the voice-over work left me cold (even Nigel Hawthorne overdoes his Fflewddur Fflam shtick) and many sound effects feel decades older than the voices/music around them, Elmer Bernstein's musical score is both suitably bombastic and/or quietly wonderous depending on the scene.

    Even though it's based on literary sources (Lloyd Alexander's "Chronicles of Prydain" novels) "The Black Cauldron" feels more like a laundry list of pop-culture bullet points circa the mid-80's than a straight fantasy narrative. Kids like them Ewolks from those popular "Star Wars" movies and that comic relief Orko creature in "He-Man"? Let's make Gurgi the furry traveling companion to the bland-as-an-eel human heroes. "Smurfs" has an underwater spinoff called "Snorks"? Let's combine them into the Fairfolk and call it a writing session. Didn't see this one as a kid, so to me the whole thing feels like Disney animators taking a crack of "Dragon's Lair"-type medieval fantasy lore with wannabe Skeletor Horned King (John Hurt) as antagonist. Good actors (John Huston's opening narration), decent story, cute lil' fantasy sidekicks up the wazoo and a handful of too-dark-for-kids moments near the finale. It's good, just not "Fire and Ice" good. 3 HYPNOTIZED PIG FUTURE SEERS (out of 5).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Watching this now and thoroughly enjoying it. Great review!

      Delete
  4. OUTCAST (2015, Amazon Prime) for the first time.

    Don't let the prominent appearance of Nicolas Cage in the "Outcast" poster and credits fool you into thinking he's the star of the piece. He's in the first five minutes to set-up that his Gallain character and friend/protege Jacob (Hayden Christensen) took part in bloody massacres during the 12th Century Crusades, a prologue that looks an awful lot like the opening of Cage's own 2011 medieval fantasy "Season of the Witch". "Outcast's" story takes place three years later in mainland China, where the kind king (Liang Shi) ensures the escape of his youngest prince and princess (Bill Su Jiahang's Zhao and Jike Junyi's Mei, respectively) to prevent the kingdom falling in the hands of power-hungry Prince Shing (Andy On). Jacob just happens to be in the right place at the right time to save Zhao and Mei from Shing's assassins. Despite being drunk and high on opium to placate his demons for all the innocent blood he spilled during the Crusades, Jacob manages to kick ass and stay a step ahead of the Chinese... in 12th century mainland China! There aren't enough eye roll emojis in the world... :-P

    The reason the likes of Tom Cruise and Matt Damon can still be leads in 'white saviors in Asian lands' major pictures (and barely get away with it at that) is that the action spectacle is kept high, and usually led by talented directors (Edward Zwick for 2003's "The Last Samurai," Zhang Yimou's 2016's "The Great Wall," etc.) who sweat the details. "Outcast" is a $25 million international co-production (Japan, Canada, France, USA, etc.) helmed by a first-time director (stuntman Nick Powell) and scripted by a TV writer (James Dormer). Even though all the money is on the screen, you've seen this movie too many times before. At least Nic Cage makes questionable choices (goofy facial expression from a battle scar, a wicked accent) that he sticks through, and a committed Haydensen proves his acting chops have improved since his 'I don't like sand, it's coarse and rough and it gets everywhere' meme infamy days. Again, it's fine. (FTM TM) 3 ANDY ON SHIRTLESS TRAINING MONTAGES (out of 5)

    ReplyDelete
  5. NINJA WARS (1982) – Watched on a DVD in Japanese

    When Lord Danjo falls in love with a princess named Ukyo, his desire leads him on a quest for power as much as for love. Allied with the evil sorcerer Kashin and his five loyal henchmen, who are all formidable fighters with magical powers, Danjo faces few obstacles in his plan. One is a young man named Jotaro, a trained ninja who will put his life on the line to stop Danjo from succeeding. With a plot that is complex and a little nonsensical at times, Ninja Wars can have you wondering what is going on. Despite the sloppy storytelling, there is a lot of entertainment to be had. The energy of the cast is always high, and the film is frequently beautiful to look at. The fight sequences are well staged and engaging. Although ninjas do appear from time to time, the story is more about the hero’s (Jotaro’s) quest to vanquish evil in the world. This was a very satisfying watch and one that I would recommend for those who enjoy fantasy films.

    One of the benefits of participating in Junesploitation is that it has given me motivation to get to movies that have been sitting unwatched in my collection. The Sonny Chiba set, which Ninja Wars and a sword and sorcery watch from last year, The Legend of the Eight Samurai, come from, has been in my possession almost eight years now. It is funny how fast time goes by.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beastmaster (1982) - 6/10 Kodo and Podos

    ReplyDelete
  7. JABBERWOCKY (1977)
    Somehow it’s escaped my notice all these years that this is Gilliam movie. I’d always heard of it as more a Michael Palin-driven project. Anyway, the movie is clearly trying hard to recapture the magic of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but with mixed results. This is the driest of dry comedy. It’s got some great Gilliam fantasy visuals, but the slow pace and the emphasis on wordplay and crudity over Python-style absurdity will likely bore a lot of viewers. (Translation: I was bored.)

    30 days of Chinese fantasy movies, day 7
    YAN CHIXIA AND ST. SCORPION (2020)
    A young wizard and a wolf-girl (!) investigate supernatural goings-on in a small village. This is apparently a spinoff of the increasingly-numerous Chinese Ghost Story franchise, but I got caught up real quick. This is a fun one, with tons of swordfights, spellcasting, and CGI monsters. And the comic relief is legit funny rather than just bumbling for the sake of bumbling. Recommended!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My memory of Jabberwocky is also that it's pretty boring, but one scene sticks in my mind. I laughed my ass off at regular Python collaborator Neil Innes as a drummer accompanying the King's messenger.

      Delete
  8. Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989)

    Even for a Cannon production this is a piece of shit. Lou Ferrigno (dubbed by a dude who sounds like the narrator of every film strip you were forced to watch in your sixth grade science class) stars as Sinbad, a man who achieves the delicate balance of being an adventurous rogue and a complete bore all at the same time. At one point he breaks a steel chain with his pecs, though, so that’s something.

    The weirdest touch (in a movie filled to bursting with weird touches) is the narration, as the story is framed by a mother (Daria Nicolodi, who most Junesploitationers will see in much better movies this month) reading it to her daughter. The narration is jam-packed with her simply describing everything on screen in painstaking detail, which may explain why the movie feels twice as long as it actually is, especially considering that all the characters speak only in exposition anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  9. BARBARIAN QUEEN (1985, dir. Hector Olivera)

    Typical '80s Roger Corman-produced fantasy in that it features a whole lot of nudity and is low on plot and characterization. Katt Shea is a standout as the Barbarian Queen's best friend. It runs only 71 minutes, which is great for Junesploitation because it means I can still watch something else too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I too find myself gravitating toward under-90 min. pics. in June. So many 'sploitation pics, so little time to catch 'em all. 😮🤓

      Delete
    2. Shorter movies are a blessing, especially if they don't have a lot to say.

      Delete
  10. The Beastmaster (1982, dir. Don Coscarelli)

    While you can tell that it is a smaller budgeted movie, this looks spectacular. Completely earnest, maybe lacking captivating lead but Rip Torn and John Amos are down to play. I do wish Dar would have had more varied animal interactions than just the 3-4 we end up getting.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Last Witch Hunter (2015)
    Dir. Breck Eisner

    Got sold on this as Vin Diesel with a flaming sword, this should have been right in my wheel house but it's too long, boring and talky for what it should be.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Krull (1983)

    First Time Viewing. This movie is more in my happy place than I can adequately explain. If I was going to make a movie, it would look exactly like this. There would be a Beast. And Slayers. And a Cyclops. And both lasers and swords. And a "glaive." And fire mares. This is the kind of movie that I could lay on the couch and watch every weekend day it was on TV.

    ReplyDelete
  13. DEATHSTALKER IV: MATCH OF THE TITANS

    Yes, now I can say that I have seen all four Deathstalker movies.

    Rick Hill, who played Deathstalker in the first film is back (John Terlesky had the role in Deathstalker II and John Allen Nelson (Killer Klowns from Outer Space) was the protagonist in Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell) and he’s in a tournament where the queen wants to commit assault with a friendly weapon on all of the male combatants. He’s also looking for his sword, which means sleeping with plenty of barbarian women, but such is being a sword and sorcery hero.

    Also, for some reason, lots of footage from the original film gets re-used.

    Maria Ford (Burial of the Rats) is a major plus in this, but you know, after four Deathstalker movies, I kind of feel like just looking at the poster art and imagining a much better film. Brett Baxter Clark — Nick the dick from Bachelor Party, Bruiser from Teen Witch and Shane from Malibu Express — plays Vaniat, one of the fighters, so there’s that.

    Writer/director Howard R. Cohen has some pretty decent credits, though. He wrote Unholy Rollers, Stryker, Barbarian Queen and episodes of Rainbow Brite and Care Bears, as well as directing Saturday the 14th, Space Raiders, Space Case, Time Trackers and Saturday the 14th Strikes Back.

    I was hoping that the last Deathstalker was going to blow my mind, like how the Ator series suddenly becomes an insane MTV musical with Iron Warrior. That said, even the worst sword and sorcery movie fills me with happiness, so I didn’t hate the time I spent watching this.

    If anyone needs a sword and sorcery movie to add to their viewing today, here's our Letterboxd list: https://letterboxd.com/bandsaboutmovie/list/sword-and-sorcery-films/

    ReplyDelete
  14. The Magic Sword (1962)

    From Mr. B.I.G. himself, Bert I. Gordon who is basically the anti-Mark Jones ("I need you to make these ants BIGGER!"). Unfortunately there's only a couple large creatures here, and if you're familiar with Bert's work you're familiar with the general quality of the movie you're getting. The man tries though. He genuinely seems interested in loading his movie up with "special" effects to try to create a fantasy world though, and I commend him for the attempt at least.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The Legend of Hercules(2014) Dir: Renny Harlin

    A first time watch. Playing like someone threw '300','Thor' and 'Gladiator' in a blender this was much better than I expected. Thats mainly due to Harlin's direction, the supporting cast, a huge "Holy shit is that Johnathon Schaech?" moment and deserved site hero Scott Adkins.
    The action scenes look good and are pretty fun. They are also well framed and avoid the two many close ups and quick cuts a lot of other films suffer from. So what doesn't work? Kellen Lutz is bland as Hercules and seems like he is doing a Hemsworth brother impersonation impression the whole time.
    Also not enough sorcerers but that's on me. I expected at least one witch but I guess Ill just count the Gods. But even with the Gods there still not enough magic. You get the Zeus scene at the beginning and a couple of fantastical feats of strength scenes but the mystical stuff is pretty much played down. Until the final fight that is where Hercules uses his sword to harness lightening. And then proceeds to do a Olympic level rhythmic gymnastics Ribbon Twirling routine. The move comes so out of nowhere that by the time it happens instead of cheering your just doing the John Travolta palms up lost look. Worse yet its derivative of his earlier escape scene where he did the same thing with chains and boulders(better scene).
    Overall though its not bad and has enough good parts to justify your time. Id save it for Adkins day though. You know? Cuz of the no sorcerers and all.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ARMY OF DARKNESS (1991)

    Not much to say about this one that hasn't already been said. Can we just pause to appreciate how genius it was to think of sending Ash to the sword and sorcery genre?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Fire and Ice (1983 - Ralph Bakshi)

    First time: I miss the 80s for movies like this. Not because I've lived through them (I was born in '88, so I don't "remember" anything), nor because this was especially great. The story is okay at best, the animation is smooth and there is a lot of closeted racism and sexism here. Simply because they created box office flops like this that are unique, special and therefor worth watching.

    In the end, it's 2 out of 4 Frazetta paintings.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (2016, dir. Takeshi Nozue)

    I really like the game and have been meaning to catch up with this movie for a while. The game was better.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The Legend of Hercules (2014, dir. My Boy Renny Harlin)

    The movie that earned my boy his fifth Razzie nomination, tied with Brian De Palma and second only to Michael Bay. I think it's safe to say this is not Renny's best work, but the action scenes are mostly entertaining, Adkins is fun as the villain and the bombastic score by Finnish composer Tuomas Kantelinen works.

    Roxanne McKee (33 when the film came out) plays the mother of Liam Garrigan (32) and Kellan Lutz (28). Seems legit.

    The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1974, dir. Gordon Hessler)

    The story is fun and the actors are waist-deep in the River of Ham, but the obvious MVP is Ray Harryhausen, whose stop-motion creations are a thing to behold, especially they way they're integrated to the live-action footage. Of course it should also be pointed out that most of the principal characters are played by white actors in brownface putting on vaguely Middle-Eastern accents, which hasn't aged well.

    The (quite bland) Finnish title translates as Sinbad, Hero of the Seas.

    ReplyDelete
  20. The Legend of Hercules (2014, dir. Renny Harlin)

    As mentioned in Adkins primer, SA is the true winner of this one. Kellan Lutz is a bland blonde hottie. The well choreographed fight scenes constantly feature slow-motion, which is not my favorite. The effects are surprisingly bad for a $70 million dollar picture but Adkins so not a total loss.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The Adventures of Hercules (1985)

    Part of the Cannon/Ferrigno cycle which has all the cheesy sound FX, lasers, and Lou with a beard!

    ReplyDelete
  22. A Chinese Ghost Story (1987)
    Directed by Ching Siu-Tung

    Don’t pretend to be familiar enough with Chinese cinema to understand the full context that produced this film. It’s definitely wild, and doesn’t really have a lot of Western precedents. That being said, I can’t imagine that the creative team had not seen the Evil Dead films. What is clear is how much Western films have cribbed from these Chinese genre films. The MCU, most comic book movies, and some western comedy-horror films seem to have taken a page or two from the style of films like A Chinese Ghost Story. I don’t know where the tongue thing comes from though, I’m stumped. That is just batshit crazy. Please don’t ask me to summarize the plot, that’s just beyond my skills.

    My Junesploitation schedule:
    https://boxd.it/caPy8

    ReplyDelete
  23. Gor (1987, Dir. Fritz Kiersch)

    Dorky history professor Tarl Cabot (his name is Tarl, ladies and gentlemen) gets transported to a fantasy world when his heirloom ring explodes during a lightning storm. Tarl wakes up in Gor, a wasteland ruled over by Sarm (played by a mostly disinterested Oliver Reed). He's stealing the "homestones" from the villages in an attempt to... rule them all...? I guess they're this world's Pokemon. Tarl links up with a group of rebel fighters and finds out there's been other Earthlings before and he's {sigh} prophesized to help them free the people from Sarm's tyranny. Also, the key to getting back home is to touch his ring to the homestone... so, there we go plot. Cue a montage training sequence where a nerdlinger gets ripped, learns how to be a lethal swordsmaster and can shoot an arrow like Robin Hood in a breezy afternoon.

    This is a Cannon film, but it looks uncharacistically cheap for a Cannon film. Except for Oliver Reed's death, there's almost no special effects; Lots of women and men in loincloths though. Wall to wall loincloths. There was precisely ONE set built on a soundstage, and the rest is the sunburnt cast running around in the desert or in caves dressed up to look like fantasy places. Paul L. Smith (Rabban from Lynch's 'Dune') shows up to do precisely nothing and get dispatched very quickly. Then the rebels invade Oliver Reed's fortress, there's a sexily choreographed dance with bikini'd dudes and babes. Then final battle and Tarl sets all the slaves free. Oh, and third-billed Jack Palance shows up in the last 2 minutes as Xeno, who was not referenced elsewhere in the movie but exists only to setup a sequel (see Gor II, 1988).

    It's a nonsensical tangle of fantasy tropes stolen from much better movies, that somehow maintains a PG-13 safe amount of gore and nudity. There are many sequences that just drag on and the fight choreography oscillates from passable to dismal. I fell asleep in the second act.

    Bonus 'sploitation points: Tarl is played by Urbano Barberini, which is the most on-the-nose name I've ever heard for an actor who plays a city slicker who gets transported to a fantasy land fight with swords and sandals.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sorceress(1982) Dir: Jack Hill

    If you only watch one twin barbarian movie watch The Barbarians instead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dipped my tow into the sword and sorcery genre at the end of 2020 with a few films. I tried to watch Sorceress at the time but could not get past the half-hour mark because of the twins. Casting centerfold models does not necessarily make a film engaging, particularly if they have no screen presence. Amazons, from 1986, is a better sword and sorcery production featuring female warriors.

      Delete
  25. Highlander

    Watching Christopher Lambert laugh underwater is one of the few supreme joys cinema has to offer.

    Russel Mulcahy endears himself to me with every film I watch of his. Razorback, Resurrection and now Highlander. He directs the hell out of the material he's given and these 3 movies at least are some of the most entertaining films I've ever seen. I would have gotten around to this one much sooner if I had known about the Queen soundtrack/score.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Gor (1987) - About as by-the-numbers as you get. Oliver Reed is the best part of the movie and I doubt he was trying all that hard. Entertaining enough, but nothing special.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Deathstalker (1983)

    I don’t think this genre is ever going to happen for me. The villain is definitely doing a Rip Torn deal. The sets, costumes, and music are enough though to keep me going.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The Great Wall (2016)

    I saw this in theaters when it came out...and promptly forgot about it. And then today, I was like, "I'm gonna watch The Great Wall."

    It's fine. I actually do enjoy the first third of the movie with the set up and the color coordinated costumes, but the rest...I definitely picked up my phone more than once.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the greatest test whether a movie's narrative is engrossing you (phone's off) or losing the viewer (phone lights up). Another is whether the soft drink or popcorn goes untouched and you have leftovers because you were too wrapped-up into the movie to remember to eat and drink. :-)

      Delete
  29. DEATHSTALKER II (1987, dir. Jim Wynorski)

    I almost can’t believe how much better this is than the crummy first one. I’m a fan of this genre, but I admit they can often be disappointing. Deathstalker II is what a wish they would be more often. This film has so much fun with the premise, and the actors are all goofing around and having a blast. Honestly, I now treasure this movie. If you don’t watch it today, check it out on Zombies Day!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Conan The Barbarian (1982)

    I had somehow never seen this, and watched it with the kids. Unfortunately, we started it a little late and I didn't anticipate it would be 129 minutes long, so we didn't get all the way through, and will have to finish another day (it's a school night, after all!). It's a little slow paced, but I was enjoying it quite a bit. My teenage boys seemed to certainly appreciate how the women kept taking off their shirts (which I didn't anticipate either).

    ReplyDelete
  31. Masters of the Universe (1987)

    Revisited this one for the first time since its THEATRICAL RELEASE. Not a good movie, but not gonna lie, I had a smile on my face. Perhaps it was the nostalgia, or those "so bad it's good" vibes, the silly costumes like something out of power rangers. And I was surprised the dialogue I remembered. "It's OVER, Skeletor." "You're right. It's OVER... for YOU!" :P It was fun watching Frank Langella chew the scenery.

    ReplyDelete
  32. DEATHSTALKER (1983)

    The fight between Pigman and Deathstalker was amusing enough.

    Between all of the sword and sorcery movies of this type (low-budget American films) I have watched, Deathstalker stands in the middle of the pack. Sometimes I was entertained and others moments just waiting for scenes to end. With all of the nudity in the Deathstalker, it certainly cannot be mistaken for anything besides an exploitation picture. I can imagine teenage boys excited to see this airing late at night in the 1980s on a cable channel.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Legend (1985)

    I STILL DO NOT GET IT. Wonderful cast, beautiful sets, but a story I could not care about at all.

    ReplyDelete
  34. The Sword and the Scorcerer, dir Albert Puyn, 1982

    Bless Pyun. And Bless Richard Lynch's weird ass face! Pure imagination.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Legend (1985)

    Worth it for Tim Curry alone. Also, there's something I love about the sound stage forest sets.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Masters of the Universe (1987)

    I rememeber in the late 80s (when I was 5-ish) my older brother had a poster from this movie on the wall in his room (alongside numerous Iron Maiden and Public Enemy pictures), so I was literally always aware of its existence. Yet it took me over 30 years to finally see it for the first time. Thanks, Junesploitation!
    Turns out the movie's a lot more kid-friendly than I thought, with bloodless cartoon violence and sily villains, and features a lot more laser gun shooting than swordfighting, both of which I found slightly disappointing. However, when Dolph Lundgren (whose performance otherwise wasn't very memorable) lifted that sword near the end and yelled "I have the power!", I admit I grinned like an idiot. Sometimes you just can't help it.
    Oh, and young Courtney Cox was incredibly cute.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Fire and Ice (1983)

    This movie could have been really entertaining with even a slightly interesting script.

    ReplyDelete
  38. The Barbarians (Ruggero Deodato, 1987)

    I had very little inspiration for this day and followed Patrick's recommandation. I'm glad I did! I wasn't expecting such a charming movie, based on Deodato's filmography. The chemistry between the two brothers really works and I just cannot not be won over by the sheer honesty, generosity and absence of cynicism of it all.

    ReplyDelete
  39. The Magic Sword (1962)

    This was almost interesting but not quite good or bad enough to get too much enjoyment out of it. His mother is kinda sassy and Basil Rathbone is doing what he can.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Red Sonja (1985)

    I saw parts of this as a child but I don't think I had seen it before. This, Conan and Beastmaster have all bled together into one movie that I've seen piece by piece. Again, I want it to be worse or better for me to be more on board.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Ator, the Fighting Eagle (1982)

    This is what I mean about being a little bit worse to make it more entertaining. This gets extra points for having Ator ask his sister to marry him. When she tells him it's wrong, he says that he'll talk to their father.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Solomon Kane (2009)

    I feel like James Purefoy is a compelling guy. Pete Postlethwaite makes everything better. You also have Alice Krige and Max Von Sydow. This was a fun little journey and so far the best I've seen, today.

    ReplyDelete