Johnny Showtime: Mailbag

 by JB

Questions, comments, and great thoughts from my readers.

Q: Why do you suppose Universal chose Labor Day Weekend for the Jaws 50th Anniversary re-release? Wouldn’t Fourth of July weekend make so much more sense, given that the majority of that classic film TAKES PLACE ON THE FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND? -- Paulie Gonadson, Atlanta, Georgia

A: Oh! I actually figured this one out. If Universal had re-released Jaws onto IMAX screens this Fourth of July, it would have stepped all over their big summer tent-pole release, Jurassic Park: Afterbirth, which, being an action-adventure film with big special effects, was also slated for IMAX screens. Better to wait for the end of August, when “summer would be over” and when there would be “less competition for higher-priced movie screen options.” I sometimes scare myself with my own insight.

Q: Quick: The Minecraft Movie or Sinners?
--Aaron Spackle, Memphis, Tennessee

A: Sinners.

Q: Speaking of Jaws, what do you think of some theaters selling Jaws-themed tsotchkes this weekend, from an Amity Billboard popcorn bucket to a yellow shark barrel beverage cup? --Grace, Aged 6, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

A: Yes, I saw an ad for all that tasty merch on the Internet machine and thought it all looked delightful. They need to take this concept one step further though, by offering a “Let Him Come Down Here and Chum Some of This Shit Chum Bucket” soda cup and a “Severed Leg” popcorn container.

Q: Quick: Weapons or Sinners?
--Aaron Spackle, Memphis, Tennessee

A: Weapons.

Q: One of the best sports movies ever made, Slap Shot, starring Paul Newman and directed by George Roy Hill, now seems largely forgotten. Have you ever seen it? What’s your take? -- Tiger Smith, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

A: Funny you should ask me that. Slap Shot was the first R-rated film that I ever saw. My family was vacationing in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin during the summer of 1977. The resort where we stayed had a two-screen movie theater attached to it. I saw Slap Shot one night by myself. The next night I enjoyed The Swinging Cheerleaders. I was fifteen.

Even back then, I recognized how great Slap Shot was: funny, profane, true-to-life, with terrific performances from Newman, Strother Martin, Michael Ontkean, and Lindsay Crouse. I remember the film faced some opposition at the time because of its language (NEWMAN... SWEARS!) but screenwriter Nancy Dowd had a brother in minor-league hockey, and she swore (!) that was how the players really talked. The whole film is gritty... and very authentic.

Q: Quick: Life of Chuck or Weapons?
--Aaron Spackle, Memphis, Tennessee

A: Life of Chuck.

Q: What do you think is the most famous vehicle in ALL of cinema history? The 1916 Paddy Wagon from Mack Sennet’s Keystone Kops comedies? James Dean’s stolen 1949 Mercury Eight in Rebel Without a Cause? James Bond’s Aston-Martin DB5? Steve Macqueen’s 1968 Ford Mustang GT Fastback in Bullitt? The 1963 Volkswagen Beetle named Herbie from The Love Bug? John Milner’s yellow Ford Coupe in American Graffiti? Kenicke’s “Greased Lightning, the 1948 Ford Deluxe, in Grease? The 1974 Dodge Monaco “Bluesmobile” in The Blues Brothers? Back to Future’s time-travelling DeLorean? The flaming red 1958 Plymouth Fury named Christine? Cameron’s Dad’s 1961 Red Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? The “mirth-mobile” (a blue AMC Pacer) in Wayne’s World? Thelma and Louise’s 1966 Ford Thunderbird? Jeff’s rusted 1973 Ford Gran Torino in The Big Lebowski? The blue Ford Anglia 105E in Harry Potter? Dominic Toretto’s 1970 Dodge Charger in The Fast and the Furious? The 1971 Chevy Nova SS in Death Proof? The red Subaru WRX in Baby Driver? So many cars. I could go on all day. –Joe Montalban, Oxnard, California.

A: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Q: Quick: Life of Chuck or Jurassic Park: Afterthought?
--Aaron Spackle, Memphis Tennessee

A: Citizen Kane.

Q: I keep reading and re-reading Joe’s question above... and your answer. There’s just something about your answer that screams disingenuousness. I call bullshit. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is pleasant at best and “Mary Poppins Wanna-Be Derivative Bullshit” at worst. What is REALLY your favorite movie vehicle? C’mon. ‘Fess up.
--Grace, Aged 6, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

A: You caught me; it’s KITT, the Knight Rider car voiced by William Daniels. I was lying about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I don’t know why. You are perceptive beyond your years, young Grace, my movie-loving friend.

“That’s what my Mom tells me.” –Grace, Aged 6, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina