by Adam Riske
Sell-Thru Mom
I like this lady. She’s a style trendsetter, walking around Blockbuster with authority. I can’t tell what clamshell or comedy VHS she’s about to purchase, which is driving me crazy. She does pick up Jurassic Park on Sega at the end, which I played a ton back in the early '90s. I even beat the game once! I had a cheat code but that’s beside the point. Remember how the T-Rex would roar “SEGA!” at the start? That’s got to be one of the best movie tie-in video games, right? Anyways, I love that little “hrmm” she does at the end. She’s Meg Ryan-ing.
Boardroom
I’ve been working for almost 30 years, and I’ve never been in a meeting where the head honcho walks in and says “Alright, people…” I’m kinda disappointed to be honest. I support this ad because it tells you to buy Batman Forever as a gift for someone, which, if I were that recipient, I would keep even if I already had a copy of Batman Forever on VHS. The movie’s so good you need two. On Christmas morning, I would take one VHS in each hand and start doing curls. I like how the person at the 0:19 mark does a grab & run on that VHS tape, barely even looking at what they picked up.
Poor Neville…
These UK Blockbuster Video ads are the best, though I question their gift suggestions. If someone got Single White Female, they'd probably go “Moreuva ren’al innit?” If they got Alien 3, they’d say, “Alien 3…asa keepah?” The best part of the ad is that you can save two pounds on Basic Instinct, which I think means there’s two fewer sex scenes. Imagine Christmas morning, you open your gift and its Basic Instinct. That’s kinda awkward to open in front of your aunt. On the drive home she’d say to your uncle, “That Neville’s a real sex maniac. Buy it for yourself is what I say.”
What a Wonderful World
This one’s pretty short and sweet. You got a roaring fire, a Christmas tree, a stack of Blockbuster rentals, cookies, Santa Claus, and (Louis Armstrong voice) “Milk!” in Looney Tunes holiday tumblers. Oh wait, the tumblers are empty. Maybe I just really want milk.
You’re Fedorable
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? She’s at Blockbuster apparently! I like this family. They want Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), All Dogs Go to Heaven, Peter Pan, Total Recall, and It’s a Wonderful Life. Plus, gift certificates. These people are closing out 1990 strong.
PTSD
I loved most of the time I worked at Blockbuster but one thing I didn’t enjoy was swiping gift cards. The machine was slow and people were always asking me to check their balance which would then print out receipts that were…I dunno…I just don’t like receipts. Also, look at these gift cards. They’re not aesthetically pleasing. I’ve said my piece. Two things I like about this commercial – a) it’s a back-to-backer like Grindhouse and b) the gift cards come on a caboose, which is why we go to the movies in the first place –- to see things that only exist in our imagination.
Customer Reviews
Ok, a lot happening here. Let’s dive in…
Customer at 0:02 mark: Solid energy. We could use more guys like this in the store.
Customer at 0:07 mark: Of course, Sam Sweaterman likes Doctor Zhivago in the double cassette. He probably invites over the neighbors and is all “Check out this sound system…”
Customer at 0:11 mark: She’s insane. You don’t want none of that.
Customers at 0:17 mark: A couple of fellas no longer encumbered by societal expectations living their best life.
Customer at 0:26 mark: He knows joy few of us will ever dream let alone reach. Legend. Hero shit.
Sliver Claus
This couple must be happy that so much holiday shopping is now done online. They can avoid the mall rush. I like going to the mall around the holidays. Everything smells like Cinnabon. Then the wife drops a Cinebomb of the poor guy chucking a video on his chest without warning. That can’t feel good. Did you hear the thud? I used to love these types of Blockbuster TV spots because the first half shows you the people and the second half is like the answer to what they rented. Their way to unwind is with the holiday classic Sliver (which, according to the music, is now a Christmas movie). Do you think Santa Claus came down the chimney, saw that they rented Sliver, and is like “I’m putting me on the naughty list” and presses play?
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