Wednesday, August 13, 2014

F This Movie! - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Patrick and Adam Riske are coming out of their shells.



Download this episode here. (71.8 MB)

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Also discussed this episode: Get on Up (2014), Son of Dracula (1943), Freddy vs. Jason (2003), American Graffiti (1973), The One I Love (2014), Cannibal Holocaust (1980), Even Dwarfs Started Small (1970), Aguirre, the Wrath of God (1972)

25 comments:

  1. Sweet! Now all you have to do is do podcasts on Power Rangers: The Movie and the first Mortal Kombat movie, and your coverage of the things I loved as a kid will be complete. I haven't revisited any of the TMNT movies in a LONG time, but I was obsessed with the Turtles as a child. I hope that I would be in line with you guys if I saw it again and feel that it's not a total garbage movie nowadays.

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    1. I still sort of like Mortal Kombat. It is what it is but it's very watchable.

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    2. It's been a little while, but I think I do, too. I certainly have fond memories of it, especially listening to the soundtrack, which I bought after I saw the movie, numerous times. I also loved the Reptile vs. Liu Kang fight (again, probably mostly for the cool music). In the world of video game to movie adaptations, it's one of the better ones, I would think. I'm sure upon seeing the whole thing again, I would agree that the movie is super watchable. Sorry to talk about MK so much on a TMNT podcast thread.

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  2. Yippeee. New podcast. Damn im like a crack addict checking all day for my next fix ;)

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  3. yes!! Can't wait to listen to this episode!

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  4. Get On Up has its problems -- most especially breaking the fourth wall -- but I am willing to give it a pass. #NoMovieLeftBehind

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  5. Really enjoyed the podcast this week. Adam I agree with Patrick. You don't need to see Last House on the Left. It's not that great.

    This podcast was fine... I give it a 9... I give it a 9.95!

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  6. Great podcast guys - this movie was such a big deal to me as a kid - I watched it last night and as far as movies from my childhood go, I think it holds up reasonably well. Also, speaking of Farmhouse Sexy, in HD that whole massage scene rivals Kirsten Dunst's wet t-shirt in Spider-Man for the Nipple Detail in a Comic Book Movie Award (you know, from the Perv Oscars) - hot stuff indeed!

    And I agree with Adam that the soundtrack for TMNT 2 (which was also my first VHS purchase) edges out the one for the first though I listened to both A LOT. I even upgraded my tapes to CDs! It really struck me this time though how fucking terrible a rap "T.U.R.T.L.E. Power" is - can't believe I used to think that was radical.

    Too bad I already blew my "getting in an actual fight outside the theatre and actually jump kicking a bully and actually being called a ninja turtle by said bully" story on another column but I guess that's YOUR LOSS.

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    1. Figured I'd follow up Wednesday night's fun and watch the sequel for the first time in 20 years - there is something strangely watchable about it but yeesh, it is so much worse than I remembered. They really seem to focus on the "teenage" aspect in that one, except they're the lamest kind of teenagers - ones that never get laid and only 10 year olds would want to be their friends (I was only the former). I think I might actually go watch the new one now because I can't imagine how it could possibly be worse than that...

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    2. Don't watch the new one! It makes Secret of the Ooze look like Lawrence of Arabia.

      Question for you Sol - in what order do you think the Turtles would get laid? I think Donatello would first in high school but he wouldn't tell the other Turtles, Leo would get some at prom, Michaelangelo would get some freshman year at college and Raph would probably be sometime later in college. Wouldn't it be great if they came home on break and Splinter was like "I met someone."

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    3. Gah - it's talk like that making me want to see it even more! Maybe I'll audible to a GotG rewatch instead...

      I think you're spot on with Leo (who gave his girl a promise ring and said he'd wait until she was ready and then she had a couple drinks at the prom party...) and Michaelangelo (who all the girls in high school thought of as a goofy brother so he needed that fresh start in college), but I'd reverse Raphael and Donatello (though I agree with the not telling part). I think Raph would score with some kind of cool Goth chick that didn't think sex was a big deal - plus he's kind of a dick (even if it's just a front) and dicks always seem to get laid first. Donatello would fuck his lab partner (after taking off her glasses and finally seeing how hot she was) in the lab while working late on a project in his senior year of college.

      But that's just my opinion - I could be wrong. :)

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    4. Expendables 3 was entertaining and much better than Turtles. That or GotG again are better bets.

      Actually you should see new Turtles just to see what a damn nerd they turned Donny into. It's like him in the old movies x100. I was thinking Donny would get some first because it would be with some Turtle chick he met in marching band. They all have sex with each other.

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    5. Is it weird that I was only picturing them getting with human chicks?

      I haven't seen the first two Expendables (don't hit me Patrick!) so that's out... bah, we'll see - I do appreciate you at least trying to talk me down.

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    6. I'm with Sol.Raph first. He was going out walking the streets and hanging out with cool loners while the others were staying home having a pizza party and dancing to old timey music. He definitely hooked up with some chick who was full of self loathing and introduced him to marijuana.

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  7. What totally tubular memories this movie brings up for me. This was one of few recorded from TV movies that I had as a kid which I snapped off the safety tabs out of fear of losing it.
    I was a big fan of the cartoon as a kid (although I was the odd kid at school because for a while there I was watching Police Academy cartoon which was on at the same time as the turtles so I was out of the loop a bit). Adams comment about TMNT being a phenomenon was right about the cartoon and the concept in general during the late eighties, but I wouldnt single out the movie as such.

    The Raphael story is something ive appreciated more with time. as a kid i just thought he was a grump and brought the movie down. I was wrong, and pubeless, but mostly wrong.

    Im embarrassed to say that TMNT 2 would show up on my video store account record more times than id care to admit. Thats a movie that needed more Raph. and less....."THEY'RE BABIES!"

    Great episode guys. Oh, but you do realise that Lucas didnt direct Empire, right?

    Turtle Power!

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    1. Leo was my favorite Turtle as a kid. Raph is my favorite as an adult. If I took the Turtle personality test, I would probably be Raphael. DAMN!!!!!

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    2. I hope I'd be Don, but fear I'd be Michelangelo

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  8. Wait, isn't it kind of weird for the NARC video game to be in this movie (with it's weird non-violence), what with Narc being just about one of the most violent video games of it's time?

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  9. Nice podcast guys, I remember when my dad took my cousin and I to the movie and it was the height of my TMNT craze and the 7pm show was sold out. We both screamed to the heavens and rather then disappoint us my folks got tickets to the 930pm show for us and some Pizza Hut :) I really need to watch the original again but Im afraid I may look back at it and just slap my head repeatedly saying "What was I thinking?" or is that strictly with Secret of the Ooze. Cant wait for next week Expendables 3: Expendable in Time podcast

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    1. Thanks Tom! As I mentioned on the podcast, I think the first one is actually a good movie even as an adult. Turtles 2 is better left in your mind as the movie you liked when you were a kid. It does not hold up well.

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  10. Last House to the Left: When the talking heads on Fox News complain about people being “too PC,” they’re basically talking about me, I fully admit to being Easy To Offend. I watched the original Last House on the Left with trepidation and...it was fine. I mean, the movie wasn’t fine (I actually think it’s pretty bad) but I didn’t walk away from it feeling disgusted or anything. I think it’s because it’s just not that shocking anymore. The acting is pretty terrible (Mari in particular) which makes it hard to get invested in the characters. I never felt like it was “real,” I was too busy cringing at how ridiculously cheesy everything seemed. In other words, I think you could skip that movie and live and full and happy life, BUT if you do see it, it’s probably not going to be too upsetting.

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    1. Skip Last House on the Left. Or watch the Cinema Snob's review and you'll know what happens without having to wallow in it.

      The comic relief in that movie is almost as painful as the violence.

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  11. I like Adams idea about best opening for the worst movie? Thats gonna be hard to nail down.
    Also how about the best trailer for the worst movie?

    For me I really liked the trailer for emmerichs Godzilla. SIZE MATTERS. this got me really excited to see the film. Much more excited than the film did

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  12. This iteration of pop culture's most idiotic quartet has the IQ of a cheese pizza but it's not a total cowabungle.

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