Sometimes I sit in my office for days, trying to come up with an idea to write about. Fortunately, that’s where I keep my DVD and Blu-ray collections, so I never feel lonely.
The other day while staring lovingly at my perfectly alphabetized (otherwise--HOW COULD I SLEEP?) rows of DVDs and Blu-rays, I began to notice weird pairings of films standing next to each other in the stacks. Friends, I would like to share with you now the weirdest and worst (that is, BEST) “alphabetical double features” in my collection:
Bound and Bowfinger
Bowling for Columbine and Boys Town
Casablanca and Casa De Mi Padre
Dick Van Dyke Show and Die Hard
Drive and Dumbo
Easy Rider and Edison, The Man
Fall of the House of Usher and Faster, Pussycat—Kill Kill!
Frozen and Full Metal Jacket
Hairspray and Halloween
Hellraiser and Help!
Idiocracy and I Drink Your Blood (It's got electrolytes!)
Jaws and Jesus Christ Superstar (Just when you thought it was safe to walk on the water….)
Or, looking just a little to the right on the shelf…
Jesus Christ Superstar and JFK (Two charismatic young leaders, both cut down in their primes!)
The Little Mermaid and Lolita
Mandingo and Manhattan
Midnight in Paris and Midnight Meat Train
Night of the Lepus and The Odd Couple
Psycho and Quick Change (Get it?)
Saturday Night Fever and Saving Private Ryan
The Shining and Showgirls
Snakes on a Plane and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
Taxi Driver and The Ten Commandments
Tootsie and Tough Guys Don’t Dance
Sometimes I’ll take a margarita or eight down to my office with me… for “research purposes.” The last time I did this, two thoughts occurred to me: “Yes, I DO think I am the best judge of how much I have had to drink,” and “What if some of these alphabetical neighbors were actually combined into ONE film?” Here’s what “the Ritas” and I came up with:
All Monsters Attack All That Jazz
The Birds in The Birth of a Nation: “Dear Ma: This war is a terrible thing, but Providence in her Mercy has spared me from death by rebel hand. I have, however, had both of my eyes pecked clean out by a pack of upstart crows.”
The Broadway Melody of Bubba-Ho-Tep
Cruising the Crying Game: “That’s a MAN, baby!”
Death of Salesman: De-Lovely!
The Dirty Dozen: District 9
The Doors in Do The Right Thing: ”Come on, Mookie, light my fire…”
Elvis: The Enforcer: Nixon gave him a badge… the STREETS gave him a reason!
Killer Klowns from Outer Space Killing Them Softly
The Mummy: My Favorite Year
Once… Upon a Time in the West: Two musicians fall in love amidst the tumult of shoot-outs, stampedes, and land grabs.
Popeye: The President’s Analyst
Ratatouille: the Re-Animator
Sideways Silence of the Lambs (“I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Pinot Noir.”)
Strangers on a Train Stop Making Sense
Swamp Thing Meets The Swimmer
You Can’t Take It With You, Young Mr. Lincoln
F-Heads, take a look at your stacks—what are your favorite “serendipitous double features?”
Do the Right Thing, Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the RiotReplyDelete
I would watch the hell out of It’s The Great Pumpkin, Jackie BrownReplyDelete
Does Ratatouille not have a weird Re-Animator vibe already?
By the by, my movie shelves are organized by release date. It looks better to me than an alphabetized ordering.ReplyDelete
The best ive got that look kinda cool together are Night of the demons. Next to Night of the hunter. Next to Night of the creeps. All on good old fashioned Vhs. Kinda cool. I really wanted to stick my Dark night of the Scarecrow with them. But that would be cheatingReplyDelete
Maybe you could watch all four movies one NIGHT?ReplyDelete
Yeah. Would be some interesting viewing. But im trying to not watch too much horror at the moment. Im saving up for horror month. All 80s horrors all month. All on video for the pure nostalgia. 3 of them there are on my list of films I like from the 80s and im looking forward to seeing how they hold up. Not seen them in a while. Gotta put some tough films in there too. Final terror. Rawhead rex. Creepazoids. Visiting hours. Q the winged serpent. Madman. Bloody birthday. The last horror film. April fools day.Delete
I think you get the idea. Its gonna be fun but tough
Bonnie and Clyde: Boogie NightsReplyDelete
Lawrence of Arabia: The Lego Edition!
The Se7en Searchers What's in the box? Racism!
I can't believe I missed that first one, but I just discovered it was because my blu-ray of Bonnie and Clyde was mis-alphabetized! Argggggggggggh.Delete
This happened to me when my mum randomly moved my two new arrivals from amazon to the end. Gahh X men: Death Wish 3 - Drug War!Delete
That last one made me laugh and spit Diet Coke. Bravo!ReplyDelete
At last... a game that EVERYONE can play.
Days of Heaven 2: DAYzed and ConfusedReplyDelete
(500) Days of Summer (With) Twelve Angry Men.ReplyDelete
Anatomy of a Murder (in) Animal House
I guess it's time for a "Robocop" "Sunset Boulevard" double feature.ReplyDelete
"It's got electrolytes" holy shit, that made me laugh so hard.
This is a great idea J.B thank you! Really fun :)ReplyDelete
The woman in black - Talking dirty (Women talking dirty)
Some like it Spartacus
On a Clear day you can see the west.
Monsoon Monster (Monsoon Wedding & Monster)
Attack the Atonement
Perks of being The Phantom of the oprea.
Bananas Begins. (I am drawing up a super hero as we speak)
Apocalypto and Old Lace
Odd double bills: Kill Bill and The King and I. Downfall and Dreamgirls. Deliverance and Desk Set. Bringing up Baby and Brotherhood. Last one: Dirty Dancing and Dirty Harry. Eastwood dancing to Time of my life. That image has made my day... (See what I did there?)
I lol'd at The Perks of Being the Phantom of the Opera!Delete
Inglourious Basterds Inside Llewyn DavisReplyDelete
American Psycho: The Legend of Ron BurgundyReplyDelete
• Animals AnonymousReplyDelete
- The 12 Angry 40 Year Old VirginsReplyDelete
- Barry Lyndon Begins
- Battle for the Planet of Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie
- Blade Runners of Glory
- Breakfast at Brazil's
- Charlie Wilson's Angels: Full Throttle
- Ed Wood Scissorhands
- A Fish Called Flash Gordon
- The Manchurian Mallrats
- The Man Who Would Be Winnie the Pooh
- Schindler's School of Rock
Yes, I own Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. So sue me.