Drunk on Foolish Pleasures: The Serendipity of Shelved Movies

by JB

Like the toys in Toy Story, the discs in my movie collection talk to each other when no one is around…

Sometimes I sit in my office for days, trying to come up with an idea to write about. Fortunately, that’s where I keep my DVD and Blu-ray collections, so I never feel lonely.

The other day while staring lovingly at my perfectly alphabetized (otherwise--HOW COULD I SLEEP?) rows of DVDs and Blu-rays, I began to notice weird pairings of films standing next to each other in the stacks. Friends, I would like to share with you now the weirdest and worst (that is, BEST) “alphabetical double features” in my collection:

Bad Lieutenant and Bambi

Bound and Bowfinger

Bowling for Columbine and Boys Town

Casablanca and Casa De Mi Padre

Dick Van Dyke Show and Die Hard

Drive and Dumbo

Easy Rider and Edison, The Man

Fall of the House of Usher and Faster, Pussycat—Kill Kill!

Frozen and Full Metal Jacket

Hairspray and Halloween

Hellraiser and Help!

Idiocracy and I Drink Your Blood (It's got electrolytes!)

Jaws and Jesus Christ Superstar (Just when you thought it was safe to walk on the water….)

Or, looking just a little to the right on the shelf…

Jesus Christ Superstar and JFK (Two charismatic young leaders, both cut down in their primes!)

The Little Mermaid and Lolita

Mandingo and Manhattan

Midnight in Paris and Midnight Meat Train

Night of the Lepus and The Odd Couple

The People Versus Larry Flynt and Peter Pan

Psycho and Quick Change (Get it?)

Saturday Night Fever and Saving Private Ryan

The Shining and Showgirls

Snakes on a Plane and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Taxi Driver and The Ten Commandments

Tootsie and Tough Guys Don’t Dance

Sometimes I’ll take a margarita or eight down to my office with me… for “research purposes.” The last time I did this, two thoughts occurred to me: “Yes, I DO think I am the best judge of how much I have had to drink,” and “What if some of these alphabetical neighbors were actually combined into ONE film?” Here’s what “the Ritas” and I came up with:

All Monsters Attack All That Jazz

The Birds in The Birth of a Nation: “Dear Ma: This war is a terrible thing, but Providence in her Mercy has spared me from death by rebel hand. I have, however, had both of my eyes pecked clean out by a pack of upstart crows.”

The Broadway Melody of Bubba-Ho-Tep

Cruising the Crying Game: “That’s a MAN, baby!”

Death of Salesman: De-Lovely!

Dillinger Diner

The Dirty Dozen: District 9

The Doors in Do The Right Thing: ”Come on, Mookie, light my fire…”

Elvis: The Enforcer: Nixon gave him a badge… the STREETS gave him a reason!

The Great Gatsby (Meets) Gremlins: “In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since: do not expose them to bright light, do not feed them after midnight, and never get them wet.”

It’s The Great Pumpkin, Jackie Brown

Killer Klowns from Outer Space Killing Them Softly

Mars Attacks Mary Poppins

The Mummy: My Favorite Year

Once… Upon a Time in the West: Two musicians fall in love amidst the tumult of shoot-outs, stampedes, and land grabs.

Popeye: The President’s Analyst

Ratatouille: the Re-Animator

Sideways Silence of the Lambs (“I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Pinot Noir.”)

Strangers on a Train Stop Making Sense

Swamp Thing Meets The Swimmer

You Can’t Take It With You, Young Mr. Lincoln

F-Heads, take a look at your stacks—what are your favorite “serendipitous double features?”