Friday, July 22, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (July 22)

There's a great movie theater (nay, movie PALACE) near my house called The Patio. It just reopened after sitting empty for exactly 100 years (I didn't check that number), and it's showing second-run movies. Remember when there used to be a TON of second-run movie theaters sprinkled in amongst all the first-runs? Man, that was great. If you missed, say, Geronimo: An American Legend when it first came out in December 1993, you could always see it a month later for only a dollar or two. And, at that price, you could see it TWICE! Because maybe you fell asleep during it the first time! It's not your fault that you're a growing boy who had to wake up REALLY early that morning for a dumb speech tournament! Fast-forward a few years, and now everything costs $10 and goes away after a week if it doesn't have a huge opening weekend. Childhood: ruined [again]. ANYWAY, The Patio is great, and everyone in Chicago should check it out. I've been there twice now, most recently with JB (and his lovely wife, JB) to see Green Lantern. Boy. Oh. Boy. What a stinker! P.U., is what I'm saying! Here are trailers for three BETTER(?) movies:

The Amazing Spider-Man
Release date: July 3, 2012

"POV Spider-Man" is the "Yoda with a Lightsaber" of 2011. Very novel! But isn't the origin story a little played out? And doesn't Andrew Garfield pretty much sound exactly like Tobey Maguire? And what's with the emo hoodie? And that hair helmet?! While this movie looks promising, let's all take a moment to remember the Spider-Man that never was. "I wasn't interested in the genesis, I just couldn't shoot somebody being bitten by a radioactive spider -- just couldn't sleep knowing I'd done that" -David Fincher.

Release date: Nov. 23, 2011

The broken automaton in Hugo is the Bicentennial Man of 2011. If you're going to feature Sacha Baron Cohen, at least have him pull his schlong out (I'm half kidding). Because the alternative -- falling into a giant cake in a ... train station? -- is the WURST (I'm assuming this is German-speaking Vichy France, despite everyone's BRITISH accents). While it's too early to judge this book by it's awful cover, I am underwhelmed and BORED. C'mon, Marty! Don't let us down, Casino-style!

Release date: Oct. 21, 2011

Contagion is the Outbreak of 2011. Except this looks ... good? Like, Steven Soderbergh-directed, Matt Damon-Kate Winslet-Jude Law-Gwyneth Paltrow-starring GOOD. I'm already a pretty paranoid dude, riddled with [mild] OCD and hermit-like tendencies. My point: this movie's premise does not sit well with me! HOWEVER, I have always been intrigued by end-of-the-world scenarios, and those scenes at the end of the trailer (dead bodies piled up) are hauntingly (hauntingly?) awesome! The trailer ALMOST implodes with the inclusion of the line "No one is immune ... to FEAR!", but I'll overlook it, as it's most likely the contribution of an overzealous marketing intern.

P.S., everyone's probably already seen the teaser for The Dark Knight Rises (release date: July 20, 2012), but here it is again. Don't say I never did nothin' for you. I really don't feel like writing anything about it (hence this postscript), especially since I was GOING to feature it last week. And then Warner Bros., in their infinite wisdom, decided not to release the trailer online until this week. Because why promote a movie? Almost makes TOO much sense, if you think about it. On second thought, don't think about it.

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