Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (July 29)

I was going to feature the brand new teaser for Battleship (release date: May 18, 2012), but every link to it on YouTube is DEAD ("You sank my will to live!"). Guess Yahoo! movies has the market cornered on shitty board game-based "movies." Can't wait to see how they spin McG's Boggle reimagining.

Haywire
Release date: Jan. 20, 2012



If Patrick has dibs on Zoë Bell, then I call Gina Carano. She can kick my ass any day (and by "kick," I mean "hug," and by "ass," I mean "face"). If I have one critique, it's that this movie needs some STAR POWER. I'm kidding of course! This thing has more big-name actors in it than New Year's Eve (a movie I refuse to feature in this illustrious column, because GOOD GRAVY SHOOT ME IN THE BRAIN). Magneto! Obi-Wan Kenobi! President Shepherd! Duke! Puss in Boots! And it's directed by Steven Soderbergh, you say? Sure, why not!

The Ides of March
Release date: Oct. 7, 2011



My birthday is shaping up to be quite a big day for movie releases: Take Shelter, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Wanderlust ... fucking Real Steel! How's a boy to decide? I know! I'll see whichever movie features the dreamiest version of Ryan Gosling! Aaaand ... The Ides of March is the winner! Which is good for me, because this movie looks pretty great. A political thriller directed by George Clooney, you say? Sure, why not!

Tower Heist
Release date: Nov. 4, 2011



Well, two out of three ain't bad! I don't even know what this IS -- an action/comedy about Bernie Madoff? Eddie "Pluto Nash" Murphy's live-action comeback film? Ben Stiller awkwardly stammering for two hours? WHAT (seriously)? A potential(?) saving grace(?) is that IMDb credits Noah Baumbach with the script. However, the site also lists SEVEN other writers. Because, you know -- to make a cinema omelet, you've got to break seven Joe Eszterhas eggs. And, excuse me? I don't think I heard you right -- directed by Brett Ratner, you say? Nope!