I just flew in from Alaska, and boy are my Sarah-Palin-jokes tired!
Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol
Release date: Dec. 16, 2011
F This Movie! contributor (and classic movie shitter-on'er) JB hates Tom Cruise (much to fellow F This Movie! contributor Erika's dismay, as she is in LURVE with the guy [Tom Cruise, not JB ... although I have my suspicions]). JB posits that Cruise has not made one good movie in his entire career. For some reason, my Magnolia counter argument doesn't count. You just can't debate JB. He's THAT good. Meaning, he's very frustrating to argue with. Wind out of sails, is what I'm saying. ANYWHO, could this be the movie that FINALLY changes JB's mind about Mr. Cruise? Because, judging by the trailer, Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol looks fucking awesome. It's also directed by Brad Bird, who helmed (helmed? Look, I'm trying) my two favorite non-Toy Story 3 Pixar movies, The Incredibles and Ratatouille (in that order). Also, Iron Giant, but that wasn't Pixar. WALL-E is pretty great too. Probably better than Up. But those aren't Brad Bird films. What are we talking about again? Oh, right -- DID YOU SEE TOM CRUISE LITERALLY RUNNING ON THE SIDE OF THE BURJ KHALIFA TOWER! That's some TALL SHIT.
Release date: Feb. 10, 2012
Our first trailer for 2012! And, as it turns out, 2012 is a GREAT year for the world to end! Yay! No more pull-ups! I know Ignatiy Vishnevetsky has a giant boner for Channing Tatum, but I just don't get it. Is it his cocky swagger? His mumblecore line delivery? His streets-be-dancin' Juilliard toes? His rising of Cobra? WHAT IS IT?! And c'mon, Rachel McAdams! You could be something special! Instead, your ... THIS. In, like, EVERY MOVIE. What I'm saying is there are worse things in the world than forgetting who Channing Tatum is. I wish that garbage truck hit me instead. Sad face.
Release date: July 29, 2011
And just like that, we're back to 2011. Only this movie looks good! Do you know WHY this movie looks good? No, it's not Don Cheadle (although Buck Swope is the highest quality ... fidelity). And no, it's not the Irish brogue (a-tiddeley-tiedely-too!). It's not even the gritty mix of comedy and crime (because Hot Fuzz already mastered crimedy). This movie looks good because MAD-EYE Fing MOODY. Brendan Gleeson is the man. Have you seen In Bruges yet? What are you waiting for? Go see In Bruges!