Friday, September 16, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (September 16)

Two nights ago, I watched both The Passion of the Christ and Jackass 3D (in regular old/stupid 2D, because I DVR'd it off Epix). Needless to say, it was an evening of contrasts. For example, one movie featured torture porn, and the other movie was Jackass 3D. Likewise, one movie demonstrated the triumph of the human spirit over suffering for a higher cause that is noble and just, and the other movie was The Passion of the Christ. YOU GET THE JOKE THAT I'M MAKING? You get the joke that I'm making. I was also surprised by the similarities between the two, such as the use of RIDICULOUS slow motion, copious bodily fluids and repetition! Finally, Jackass 3D featured genuinely sad moments, because, you know ... Ryan Dunn.

We Bought a Zoo
Release date: Dec. 23, 2011

Uhhhhhh ... what? I know I use the word "batshit" a lot in this column, but ... well, here we are again. Cameron Crowe hasn't made a movie since 2005's Elizabethtown, because once you achieve PERFECTION, it's hard to start over again. It took him six years to come up with this: "I know what I'll write about! ZOOOOOOOS!" -Cameron Crowe, right before his guano facial and antioxidant bath in Cristal. Patrick emailed me this (and I agree): "It's a bad sign when the only thing that has me excited about a new Cameron Crowe movie is the participation of Elle Fanning." And, BTW, Scarlett Johansson? I can now say that I've seen your cans. So thank you.

The Iron Lady
Release date: Dec. 16, 2011

It's like, at first, who are they talking to? Me? They're looking right at me! Oh, wait, no -- it's not me. It's someone IMPORTANT. A cult leader, maybe. Or maybe the world's best deep-core driller. But I don't know any guys these days who still wear hats! And pearls? Don't be silly! And then, after, like, 35 seconds, it's revealed that they're talking TO A WOMAN! About being a LEADER! Now I've seen everything! Meryl Streep is the best (I'm told), and I'm sure Margaret Thatcher is a worthy film subject. I shouldn't rush to judgment on a "teaser" trailer, because, maybe, when they put this together, MORE INTERESTING SCENES HAD YET TO BE SHOT. Otherwise, ZzzzZzzzzzzZZzzz.

John Carter
Release date: March 9, 2012

I'm not really in a position to talk about the mythology and subsequent controversy surrounding this movie (I'm not a NERD). That being said, I'm conflicted about the trailer. On one hand, I like the mixture of history and science fiction. On the other hand, Cowboys & Aliens. On one hand, flying Martians. On the other hand, Green Lantern. On one hand, pitched battles featuring otherworldly adversaries and ripped protagonists dressed in leather underwear. On the other hand, Conan the Barbarian (2011), Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, 300, etc. I could do this all day.

1 comment:

  1. You should do a podcast on Boogie Nights, or Synecdoche, New York. Two amazing movies, P.T.A is AWESOME, and Kaufman is pure genius.