Friday, May 25, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (May 25)

Hey fellas, have you heard the news? This June's GONNA BE AWESOME! For every day of June (and there are 30 of them), watch a movie starring a specific star (link/list of actors above). Then, write a 50-word (or LESS [please GOD less]) review of said movie in the comment section of that day's post. IT'S JUST THAT EASY! #30starsofsummer

The Master
Release date: Oct. 12, 2012

We can all agree this is the best, right? That Paul Thomas (or "PT" to you douchenozzles out there) Anderson hasn't made a single bad movie (granted, he's only made five of them, but they're all SPECTACULAR), right? That this looks SO intriguing, that we're willing to forget all about Joaquin Phoenix's completely ridiculous fake "meltdown" (or, more specifically, his bogus foray into rapping, because ART by-way-of MOCKUMENTARY) in I'm Still Here, right? That, even though this film is tangentially about Scientology, it's really, "A World War II drama. It's about a drifter after World War II," right? Jay-kay about that last thing, because this is ABSOLUTELY about L. Ron Hubbard. I mean, like, YOWZA. We can all agree on these things, right? Right?! RIGHT?! Right.

Release date: Nov. 9, 2012

Meh. James Meh. Listen, it's gotta be better than Quantum of Solace, right? RIGHT?! RIGHT?! Right.

The Great Gatsby
Release date: Dec. 25, 2012

Merry Christmas, Jesus! Hope you like ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzzz! Half of this trailer is cartoonish (I suspect purposefully so) -- the sets, the costumes, the misspelled "Ziegfeld Follies" sign, the bad CGI (could they not afford to drive around in a real solid gold antique automobile?) ... but I am especially bewildered by some of the lightweight acting (some, not all). I mean, it feels like kids playing dress up. And maybe that's the point. WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW? For those of you who don't like the 1974 version of The Great Gatsby (one of roughly six [this new version included] movie adaptations) starring Robert Redford and Mia Farrow, I hope you're happy. Now you get to see what F. Scott Fitzgerald's iconic novel would look like through the eyes of a MADMAN, Baz Luhrmann. Nightmare vision (see, Moulin Rouge!), is what I'm saying. Well, it's that, or BORING vision (see Australia). Take your pick.


Hit and Run
Release date: Aug. 24, 2012

Who can explain Dax Shepard's appeal? No, seriously ... who? He wrote, co-directed and stars in this movie. His character's name is "Charlie Bronson" (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP). Read his bio on IMDb. It's OK, I'll wait ... see? When did the Frito Pendejo from Idiocracy become a grade A dingbat? And yet he's engaged to Kristen Bell? The world continues to make NO SENSE. So, for real, who can explain this to me? #explainthingstodoug


  1. THE MASTER looks great. Seems like only yesterday PT gave us SYDNEY. Another great job, Doug! Except for the whole "James Meh" thing. On second thought, horrible job, Doug. RIGHT?! RIGHT?! Right.

  2. You're projecting -- you want SKYFALL to be great, because you're still chasing GHOST PROTES. Oh, wait ... that's me.

    Seriously, though, I don't have the history, familiarity or fondness for the Bond films that you do, so I readily admit that I am the worst.

  3. I'm just kidding, Doug. It's not the greatest trailer. I'm just really hungry for new Bond so I'm excited. If nothing else, it sounds like it'll be a more "thoughtful" Bond movie (there has to be a better way to put that), so I'm just excited to see them continue to try something new with the character.