Friday, August 31, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Aug. 31)

I have to apologize in advance: it's a pretty bad week for previews, F-Heads! I promise to try harder next week*!

*Note: Doug will be on vacation next week.

The To Do List
Release date: TBA (assuming February 2013?)

With an all-star comedy cast like that, this could, you know, be a COMEDY. Yet, I wasn't much laughing during this pseudo-trailer. A gussied up Aubrey Plaza introduces the film (looking way hotter than her character in the actual movie), and proceeds to tell you why you should like it. But then doesn't really show much of it. Just a few quick scenes. That aren't all that funny. BUT, I hold out hope, for I am HOPEFUL and OPTIMISTIC and NOT SARCASTIC AT ALL RIGHT NOW. Please be funny, The To Do List! And, if you're not funny, please have either Ms. Plaza or Rachel Bilson slip us a nip. K THANKS BYE.

Keep the Lights On
Release date: Sept. 7, 2012

Holy cow, that's next Friday! But wait, Sept. 7 is a "limited" release date, so ... sorry third-tier cities (although I really can't imagine this movie "playing" anywhere but major markets)! Keep the Lights On premiered at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year, and later won the Teddy Award (which champions LGBT topics) in Berlin for Best Feature Film. I don't know, guys. Seems kinda GAY. Jay-kay! I mean, well ... yes, this is a "gay" movie, but not, like, a GAY-gay movie. Know what I mean? What I mean is, it looks good! Well, maybe a bit dramatic, but still. One gay, uh ... I mean TICKET please!

Great Expectations
Release date: Nov. 30, 2012

God God kill me now. Listen (LISTEN), I know Charles Dickens is a literary master, and prominent academics (as well as respected cinephiles like Roger Ebert) swear by his storytelling abilities and wordsmithery. But not this guy! I mean, aside from A Christmas Carol (which, let's be honest, was best adapted as "A Keaton Christmas Carol" in season two of Family Ties), I can't stand Dickens. Oh, sure -- I'M the idiot. Fine, yeah, whatever. When you graduated eighth grade, did your future high school English teacher (speaking in a false British accent, mind you) FORCE you to read Great Expectations over the summer? The last summer, might I add, that you still felt like a kid, thereby prematurely advancing your progression into angsty young adulthood? Did she? DID SHE?! Then shut your mouth. So many hours wasted in my bedroom, staring down at the tiny serif font, listening to my friends play stickball (stickball?) on the street below, hearing the waning knell of cicadas as August 1992 let out its final gasp ... I say NO THANK YOU, director Mike Newell's Great Expectations! You've tarnished enough of my innocence! Miss Havisham can BURN, for all I care! Pip pip! In German!

Release date: Oct. 5, 2012

What is it with movies? ... I SO wish that were the end of my little write-up, but allow me to finish: what is it that makes good actors and/or funny comics (of which Butter is full of) decide to do a film like this. Is it like, "Hey, some of my friends are doing this project, not to mention some major A-list talent, and, while it looks like a pile of garbage and the script is, let's be honest, ridiculous, I would like to visit Aspen this winter, so, oh, what the heck, I'm gonna do it!"? Again, the ensemble cast makes me think that there's something here. But then I watched the preview. Go ahead, watch it too! I'll wait. Done? OK, right -- so this looks bad, no? Like a stupid movie about stupid butter sculptors. I'm not missing anything, right? Good, I'm glad we can agree. NEXT.

The Iceman
Release date: TBA

Michael Shannon's a contract killer? I never would've guessed that!

The Company You Keep
Release date: TBA

Another great cast (excluding Shia TheBeef), and an interesting story, to be sure. But I'm really starting to regret what I wished for (i.e., I recently said I was looking forward to the next phase of thoughtful autumn/winter films [and now I take it back]). So much seriousness! I get it -- summer's over (as evidenced by our recent podcast recapping this summer's movies), but I didn't realize I'd be inundated with melodramatic stuff like this. It should be noted that a few of the movies featured this week recently premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival, hence all the gravity and solemnity and TBAs next to their respective release dates.

The Barrens
Release date: Sept. 28, 2012

This trailer ... yikes! I'm not so much scared (but I should be, right? Considering this is directed by Darren Lynn Bousman, who ONLY DOES HORROR MOVIES), as I am annoyed by everything everyone does or says in this clip. Like, every single thing. What is this? The Shining meets The Blair Witch Project? I'm as excited for #ScaryMovieMonth as the next guy, but I can't wait till things like this come and go.


  1. Nope, Butter looks like it could be quite funny.

    1. I agree with Joseph Finn! It looks like it's a cross between "Akeela and the Bee" (only the "B" is for butter) and "Election" (only instead of "Tracy Flick" it's "Tracy STICK (of butter)"). Also I saw my share of butter sculptures at the Illinois State Fair (thanks 4-H!) and I have to say, it's an impressive medium that's been ill-served by the Hollywood dream machine. Or should I say "cream machine"?

    2. Great jokes. You deserve a PAT on the back. I mean, we could CHURN these out all day!


  2. Butter was teerrible. I felt like I was watching an inside joke the entire time. I kept waiting for the joke to be revealed but it was never revealed. Totally agree with your questioning sentiment on HOW do stupid movies like this even get agreed to be made?