Friday, February 15, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Feb. 15)

Kind of a shitty week for trailers (sorry in advance!) so let's talk about something else. Anyone out there see A Good Day to Die Hard? If so, what did you think? Because it looks like garbage. Is it? IS IT GARBAGE? Look, I do trailerz here, not feature-length movies, so I'm counting on you people to fill me in. DON'T LET ME DOWN.

The Internship
Release date: June 7, 2013

The above embedded trailer is linked from the official "Google Play" page on YouTube, which makes me think that Google is in WAY TOO DEEP with this tired, stale comedy. C'mon, Good Guy Google -- you're better than this! A good friend of mine -- let's call him Charles -- works at Google as a computer programmer. Guy is crazy smart. International student, prestigious scholarships, doctorate from a respected university, etc. And, from what I can tell, it's mostly true what the rest of us plebeians think about that company. Namely, it's incredibly progressive with excellent benefits, they foster a wonderful work environment where innovation is rewarded and they truly attract the best and brightest. So, yeah, no. Not buying it. And yes, I understand the concept of "suspension of disbelief," but I'm PRETTY sure that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn straight up wedding crashed an in-house marketing meeting at Google. Don't get me wrong -- I like Old School and The Royal Tenenbaums and Swingers and Fred Claus (I am kidding) and Drillbit Taylor (I AM KIDDING) as much as the next guy, but mix it up, people!

It's a Disaster
Release date: April 12, 2013

This could be great! Or it could be horrible! Hard to tell from this trailer, which starts off really slow (feels like an indie movie from the mid-2000s), but then, jarringly shifts to black comedy with the revelation that nuclear "dirty" bombs have been detonated in their city. Also, while I don't think I've seen more than two total minutes of Ugly Betty, I've always thought America Ferrera was super cute. In conclusion, not sure how I feel about this. Yay David Cross! Boo Julia Stiles! You see how I'm conflicted?

Release date: TBA

Ummm ... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? My PG wife is due in about five weeks, and this is NOT the kind of trailer I was expecting to feature here. Initially, I was all, "Hey, Paul Walker. Cool. He's also in Fast & Furious 6, which I showcased last week. And does anyone remember Meet the Deedles? Because I don't. I mean, I've never actually seen it. But there was an open casting call in Chicago for the movie. An open casting call that, stupidly, I did not attend. If I did, who knows? Maybe I'd be the one DESPERATELY TRYING TO SAVE THE LIFE OF MY PREEMIE BABY." Ugh. On the other hand, this looks ... fine? I mean, it looks interesting, sure, but also crazy depressing. Does it exist to try to convince us that Paul Walker has acting chops? Because I'll take Lance Harbor over this any day.

Big Ass Spider
Release date: March 8, 2013

Kind of a palate cleanser after Mr. Serious Baby Saver above (and a great YouTube screen cap to boot!). But, also, WHAT? Is Big Ass Spider this year's Rubber (a movie I still haven't seen, because didn't everyone forget about it 30 seconds after they watched the preview?)? I'm assuming SXSW picked it ... ironically? Sure, OK ... Lloyd Kaufman. But I can do without the threatening message from director/professional douche Mike Mendez in the introduction.

Lumpy (Best Man Down)
Release date: TBA

SPOILER: despite this movie starring Justin Long and Tyler Labine (you know, our generation's Laurel and Hardy), this movie is NOT a comedy. DOUBLE SPOILER: this movie does NOT look good.

Writers (Stuck in Love)
Release date: April 19, 2013

In addition to being a week of subpar trailers, it's also, apparently, a week of schizophrenic titles (Lumpy, above, and now this, which are billed in their respective previews as something different than their IMDb pages, which made it SO fun to research [also, in both cases, both titles are THE WORST]). But this movie, unlike the previous one, looks kinda good! And I really like the job they did casting Lily Collins as Jennifer Connelly's daughter, because they both could be from PLANET BEAUTIFUL YET CRAZY FACE, what with their beautiful yet crazy alien faces (read: BEAUTIFUL [no sarcasm]). Remember when Greg Kinnear hosted Talk Soup? These are crazy times.

Room 237
Release date: March 29, 2013

Cool: a documentary about The Shining! Lame: this trailer!


  1. Doug, the new Die Hard is horrible. It's a big f-you to anyone who likes the series.

    1. This is a much kinder review than it deserves. Live Free Or Die Hard is bad, A Good Day To Die Hard is demonstrably much, much worse. Lazy, hollow, ugly...just everything bad about the trailer spread across 98 excruciating minutes. It exhibits zero understanding of what made Die Hard so special. It sucks that I can say I truly hated a Die Hard movie, but there it is.

    2. Unfortunately, that's what I figured. When I featured the trailer back in November (it's kinda my thing), I HOPED that it would transcend the recent crop of sequels and remakes and throwbacks. I'm bummed to find out it DOES NOT.

    3. That's really disappointing. I had thought about going to see it, but I guess I'll stay home. I haven't really liked one of these since Die Hard 2, but I had hoped...

  2. That trailer for Room 237 is no good, but I really like the music in it.