We're Cannon Films, and we're dynamite!
I love The Cannon Group. Not ironically. Of all the exploitation studios, they're my favorite (just edging out AIP, which is probably a function of my age). My favorite t-shirt I own is my Cannon t-shirt. Today might be the Junesploitation day I'm most excited about. Here's hoping it's a great one.
I mean, I really think that the only decision that needs to be made is whether you're going to watch Breakin' or Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Just delightful movies with almost no cynicism. It's hard not to love this series. People that watch these movies ironically are missing the point. 99 and a half won't do. An 80s classic. Plus, Christopher McDonald moonwalks.
THE DELTA FORCE (1986)ReplyDelete
Faux patriotism...CHECK. Racist Middle-Eastern stereotypes...CHECK. Block of wood Chuck Norris....CHECK.
Lee Marvin(his last movie) is great but underused since the movie turns into "The Chuck Norris Show" halfway through. At over two hours, it goes on waaaay to long after the climax. Also, Robert Forster plays a Lebanese terrorist. Yeah it's that kind of movie.
But good luck getting that theme music out of your head, amIright?Delete
Street Knight (1993)ReplyDelete
Jeff Speakman's here to sell life insurance I mean clean up the streets! This cop sleeps nude, slides under closing garage doors, and knows basic martial arts. Also our head villain uses orchestra metaphors! Speakman's one liners are recycled,this is a green film! 8 ball in the side pocketsploitation!
SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE on DVD for the first time.ReplyDelete
'SUPESPLOITATION!' You know your superhero franchise is in trouble when you wish the Salkinds were still in charge. Looking every bit like the underfunded, rushed and troubled production it was (complete with lead actor getting story credit... "After Earth," anyone?), "The Quest for Peace" exploits its audience so much (mining leftover affection for the characters, for Christopher Reeves' portrayal of Supes/Clark Kent, for John Williams' music, etc.) while delivering so much less in return it might as well be "Supergirl 2." To me the movie reaches its apex of stupid/silly/sad when Supes' heat vision is used to, somehow, repair Nuclear Man's damage to The Great Wall of China with "Tetris"-like reappearing bricks ('TETRISPLOTATION!'). :-(
To be fair there are a handful of scenes (the opening rescue of a Russian space crew, Lois Lane pouring her soul to Superman/Clark Kent twice, the 'double date' scene, etc.) that are actually OK and put this slightly ahead of "Superman III," which is unwatchable and hateful toward all mankind. As the deleted scenes and commentary track (by no-holds-barred co-writer Mark Rosenthal) show though, "Superman IV" was doomed the moment Cannon, Sidney J. Furie and even Chris Reeve (whose liberal idealism got the better of him) tried to squeeze one more bounce out of a dying franchise.
Super off topic but I have to know - are you the same J Vargas who came up with "The Fast And The Führer" on an old How Did This Get Made episode?Delete
LOL, nope, different JV. I gave HDTGM? a shot but I'm not a fan of the morning radio team style of humor (though their "Birdemic" episode with Weird Al was classic). Thanks for playing. :-)Delete
Ha! When I heard the name J Vargas on another movie podcast I was so sure it had to be the same person.Delete
They did a thing where listeners could suggest possible sequels for the Fast franchise, and he came up with "The Fast And The Führer": The story of how two Jewish car racers escape occupied Poland b winning a Nazi death race. (Which, considering the ridiculousness of the franchise is shockingly possible.)
So he did your name proud in my opinion.
I agree it's no F This Movie. It bums me out that they can't stop talking over each other cause I feel like it could be so much more amusing if they took the time to listen to each other. But there's something to be said for their breathless excitement I guess.
Death Wish 3 (1985)ReplyDelete
I realize watching this that Paul Kersey goes through the same transformation that John McClane does. In the first Death Wish he is a relatable human being pushed into extraordinary circumstances. By this one, he is an unstoppable killing machine. Very enjoyable in its completely irresponsible way. The old and white have found their avatar. And he is - Charles Bronson. Caucasian-sploitation!
I think this might be the most watched movie thus far during Junesploitation, my god Death Wish III is fun. I swear all this week I have had the line "They got the Giggler" in my head then had a mental picture of the Joker crying over the death of his second cousin.Delete
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. Somehow, my childhood came and went without me experiencing He-Man, so this whole franchise is a blind spot in my pop culture knowledge. To me, the movie is merely “baffling fantasy” instead of “the cartoon comes to life on screen.” Why does Skeletor want Castle Greyskull so badly? What’s so great about it? Does He-Man travel to Earth and back all the time, or is it supposed to be a big deal that he’s on Earth? Because there’s almost no E.T.-style “alien discovers Earth culture” stuff. All the chases and fighting on Earth could take place anywhere and it’d be the exact same story. Yeah, there’s a lot of fighting and explosions and cheesiness, but also way too many “Hey, wait a minute” moments taking me out of the story.ReplyDelete
But, I didn’t hate this movie. Why? Because James Tolkan is the man! (Mr. Strickland-sploitation!) He steals this whole movie away from everyone else, even with Frank Langella hamming it up. Every one of Tolkan’s lines had me cracking up. And when he goes to town with that shotgun? Beautiful.
Say, if Star Trek fans are Trekkies, and Dr. Who fans are Whovians, what are He-Man fans?
Masters Of The Universe (1987)ReplyDelete
I'm with Mac, Tolkan is the best thing about this movie (he was also great as part of the repertory company on A&E's Nero Wolfe series, which not enough people have seen, dammit!). The script is a bigger mess than Oscar Madison's bedroom, but I was entertained the whole way through. I was 11 when this movie came out and I loooooooved it then. Upon revisiting it I'm much less ashamed of that than I probably should be.
Nothing that happens in this movie makes any goddamn sense, but there are some great matte paintings and bad-boy Tom Paris and pizza-legged Courtney Cox (a truly horrifying image, that) and Billy Goddamn Barty for some good old-fashioned dwarfsploitation....aw hell, now I kinda want to watch it again!
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)ReplyDelete
I enjoyed this quite a bit. The dancing was actually super good. The dialogue, and the delivery of that dialogue, was pretty terrible, but I expected that. But I really love dancing movies, and you don't watch dancing movies for the story or the character growth.
Avenging Force (1986)ReplyDelete
Michael Dudikoff was Cannon's boy in the '80s, but he's no fun in this. He's in cool guy mode, not ridiculous clown mode. The action is clumsy and stupid and violent (Firstenberg!!), the villain is ridiculous and the movie is as mean-spirited as any action movie this side of Invasion U.S.A.. SPEAKING OF WHICH -- this is supposed to be a sequel to that movie, originally written for Chuck Norris. Except for the fact that Dudikoff plays a character named MATT HUNTER, you would NEVER KNOW IT. No good at all, but still kind of great.
Death Wish 3ReplyDelete
Old age did a terrible makeup job on Martin Balsam. Charles Bronson doesn't know how to do push ups. This movie is special.
^^^ How can this movie not have an 'F This Movie' commentary recorded for it? Wink, wink! ;-)Delete
Revenge of the NinjaReplyDelete
Goddamn it - watched this last night and just remembered that Patrick did a commentary track for this movie! Guess I'll have to watch it again...
...which is okay, because this movie was actually pretty fun. It took me 20-30 minutes to get on board (the opening ninja fight is pretty terrible - I could have made the cut in that group) but once I did I mostly enjoyed the ride.
Over the Top (1987)ReplyDelete
Took Patrick's "Netflix This Movie!" advice and went deep inside the world of competitive arm wrestling. Easily the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen (and I've seen The Garbage Pail Kids Movie). I wish I had a nickel for every time they actually say "over the top." Lots of nickels, is my point.
Meet me halfway. Across the sky.Delete
Winner takes what? Oh, "it all"?Delete
I love it that that's the theme music for the "We're Cannon Films" video. I've watched that thing 20 times.Delete