Friday, July 19, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (July 19)

Calvin and Hobbes is the best. It helped define my childhood, and I still I read it TO THIS DAY. I love it. I own every book (including those that are simply compilations of the "best" strips from other books) -- I even saved the very last comic (Dec. 31, 1995) from the Chicago Tribune (because I am a nerd). I'm not sure how I feel about this new documentary, Dear Mr. Watterson. Part of me is encouraged by the enthusiasm of like-minded fans. But, knowing Watterson's insane reclusiveness and vehement opposition to merchandising, I just know they'll find a way to F it up. Will it be a comprehensive look at the strip's history, pure fan service or ... what? No release date yet.

The Fifth Estate
Release date: Oct. 11, 2013

I hadn't even heard about this movie until this week, and now it's like, "HAVE YOU SEEN THE FIFTH ESTATE TRAILER?!" Big trailer drop, is my point. And a big story to boot! Especially now, what with the whole Edward Snowden real-life drama unfolding before our eyes (winter is coming). And, judging by this preview, the movie looks solid. What more is there to say? "What more is there to say?" T-shirts in stock soon, care of DOUG.

Release date: Aug. 9, 2013

I can't believe I forgot to include this in last week's write-up, because BOI-OI-OI-OING. I mean, potentially. This movie could be a huge snoozefest, BUT it has promise, no? I'm all for "respectable" films about lurid topics. But I also hope the luridity (WORD?) is untethered. UNTETHERED I SAY! Because, while Chloe delivered on SOME of its promise, Amanda Seyfried needs to prove [to me] that she's got the goods [the boobs].

Sweet Vengeance
Release date: TBA

AKA Sweetwater. AKA the movie in which January Jones gets topless. AKA the movie in which everyone is FURTHER disappointed in January Jones.

How to Train Your Dragon 2
Release date: June 20, 2014

Our first 2014 trailer! [Patrick, please figure out a way to insert the sound of a champagne cork popping here -Doug] But there's really nothing to see yet, as DreamWorks is still actively animating the movie. Still, these initial effects are better than anything in World War Z. Ya burnt, WWZ!

Out of the Furnace
Release date: Dec. 6, 2013

#Gritty. Poor Zoe Saldana -- she's the only cast member who hasn't won or been nominated for an Academy Award. Poor, poor Zoe. Grit-tay. Also, uh, hmmm ... I've never seen a group of actors who are at once very pretty and very good at acting but ALSO COMPLETELY HUMORLESS. Did I mention gritty? Because even the trailer font is, like, AFFECTED by this environment. My guess: Impact through a "grain" texture filter. RELEASE MEH!

The Lifeguard
Release date: Aug. 30, 2013

I love Kristen Bell. I mean, who doesn't? Everyone does, is the answer you were searching your brain meat for. Yet, I feel like she's the size of a Yorkie Terrier, and if I stare at her too long, the pressure from my eye energy will dimple her skin. This trailer looks pretty good! I like it! I mean, I have no idea if I'll like the movie (it hasn't been released yet, dum-dum), but I like these two minutes. Coming of age, or something! Yeah!

Blue Jasmine
Release date: July 26, 2013

New Woody Allen! Surely, some of you are excited. Midnight in Paris was on TV the other day, and I watched the whole thing without even intending to. Because it's the best! I love that movie. So good (and other expressions that mean the same thing). I have to imagine THIS movie will be even BETTER. Why? Because Andrew. Dice. Clay. WAH-GOOOZJ!

Delivery Man
Release date: Nov. 22, 2013

Are you like me? THAT IS A LOADED QUESTION. Does your butthole clench whenever you hear Vince Vaughn's lazy voice? And this preview doesn't waste any time. And that's a shame, because VV used to be the awesome-ist. AND he's a native Illinoisan (a Chicago suburbian). But he's also a one-trick pony, and his shtick was a lot more endearing in Swingers. Re: this movie ... I don't know what to say. At first I'm like, "Neh." Then I was like, "Maybeh." But by the time he starts staring wistfully on the hood of his car as the sun's setting, I was back to, "Neh." Three-hundred-sixty degrees, F-Heads. And how did they mask Chris Pratt's ridiculously ripped bod? Still, interesting(?) concept, that, in reality, PROBABLY makes for a pretty stoopid movie. But what the hell do I know? "What the hell do I know" T-shirts in stock soon, care of DOUG.


  1. That is pretty funny - "Oscar Winner! Oscar Nominee! Oscar Nominee! Oscar Winner! Oh, and Zoe Saldana..."

    It's gotten to where just looking at Christian Bale makes me depressed. He looks more and more like he was genetically engineered to do PSAs for meth addiction.

  2. The Fifth Estate worries me in that Assange didn't cooperate in any way. To the point that when Cumberbatch asked to meet with him before filming he not only refused but asked him to drop out of the project. And Touchstone is still Disney isn't it?

    This might be Zero Dark Thirty territory again.

    1. Yeah, because Zero Dark Thirty was a bad film ... ?

    2. Zero Dark Thirty was a good film that dropped the ball when in came to historic accuracy concerning waterboarding.
      There have been arguments before on this site about good/bad/mediocre movies and their lack of accuracy.
      However, unlike Lugosi's relationship with Ed Wood, that Alma Reville didn't direct part of Psycho or that Davy Crockett didn't have Ol' Betsy with him at the Alamo like Disney told us (plus he surrendered and was executed)...this "goof" could influence people in the future about what this country does in their name and what the government tells us. Even people who had read news accounts and didn't believe that torture helped find bin Laudin might look at that film and go, "Well, the government advised on this picture..they wouldn't let them say that if it wasn't true."
      What Assange did, didn't do and his reasons for it all are too important a discussion to just goof around with for the sake of following Syd Field's screenplay outline and having all the "beats" in the right place.
      A lot of people are going to be seeing this simply because Cumberbatch is in it. Some of those may be young people who only know what they've been told by their parents and haven't thought about what's happened to reporting in the age of corporate media. Maybe they don't understand the difference in what WikiLeaks did as opposed to what Snowden is doing. They don't need to get he wrong ideas handed to them as "dramatic license".

      PS - I tried to put up an avatar like you asked but the little buffering wheel just kept going round and round.

  3. Aw, I was hoping for Ada Lovelace.

    1. "Tonight on the Charles Babbage Story..."