by Doug Schultz
1. The Matrix (1999)
In this film from [the great cinematic year that was] 1999, Mouse (Matt Doran) is a savant -- a wunderkind programmer -- with a penchant for well-endowed pinup chicks in red dresses and philosophical food ramblings. He's also the de facto mascot of the red pill crew (I guess that's bound to happen when your name is F-ing Mouse), and looks up to Tank (ugh) and Dozer (ugh-ugh) like a wounded puppy. When he gets cut down in a hail of bullets (spoiler!) you almost feel bad for him. All that promise and enthusiasm extinguished by a band of ruthless Agents. But then you remember: his name is MOUSE. And then you're like, "I'm fine with this decision."
2. Land of the Dead (2005)
George Romero zombie flick. Our excitement quickly turned to cynicism as soon as we realized that the old man LOST IT. At one point, a young skateboarding rascal appears onscreen, and -- deliriously bored with the film before us -- I leaned over to Mike and asked, "Wouldn't it be weird if his name was Mouse?" And bam, not a few moments later, his generic namesake was revealed. Yes, in a derivative, self-plundering, Ouroboros fail, the most disposable character is named Mouse (Maxwell McCabe-Lokos). Remember when Romero actually shocked us?
3. Night of the Demons 2 (1994)
OK, so, in the first Night of the Demons, there's an infamous scene in which Suzanne (the great Linnea Quigley) pushes a tube of lipstick into her nipple (you really need to see it, because my description just doesn't do it justice). It's a horror movie-defining moment. The sequel, which features a protagonist named Melissa "Mouse" Franklin (Merle Kennedy), tries to "recapture the magic" (so to speak) with its own lipstick scene (featured above). It's not quite as shocking, but, then again, how many creepy things can you do with lipstick? Wait. Don't answer that. Anyway, MOUSE! And #ScaryMovieMonth is less than a month away! ARE YOU EXCITED?!
4. American Gun (2005)
I haven't seen American Gun. I don't anyone who has seen American Gun [ed. note: I have seen American Gun. You're fine. -- Patrick]. But American Gun features Amanda Seyfried playing a character named Mouse. And, being the flick bait sage that I am, if there's a chance to feature seductive imagery of Amanda Seyfried, I'm gonna do it. So here she is dressed up as a mouse from Mean Girls (note: her character in Mean Girls is not, incidentally, named Mouse).
5. G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)
Jurassic Park!" Just last year, he played the bit part Mouse in G.I. Joe: Retaliation (one of Heath's favorite movies[!] from that year). Which begs the question: is he on a nerd-to-heavy trajectory (like Ben Foster), or is this another one-off action appearance?
6. Devil in a Blue Dress (1995)
Don Cheadle plays Mouse Alexander, main character Denzel Washington's Ezekiel "Easy" Rawlins' menacing muscle. Probably the most dangerous Mouse to ever grace the screen (aside from Danger Mouse, obvi), Cheadle plays the part as a trigger-happy sadist. It's the kind of performance that leaves you begging for more. Patrick lists Devil in a Blue Dress as one of 10 movies that should have launched a franchise based on Mouse's relationship with Easy.
7. Lost and Delirious (2001)
Honorable mention: Act of Valor (2012)