Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Riske Business: Random Thoughts About 2015 Movies (May-August Edition)

by Adam Riske
More opinions from another planet.

Avengers: Age of Ultron felt like a mediocre tentpole from 1998.

More like Cold Pursuit. I’m so glad I didn’t review Hot Pursuit.

I could listen to Tom Hardy talk as Mad Max all day. What was he doing with his voice in Mad Max: Fury Road? It was magic!

I know it’s directed by Brad Bird and I hope it’s good, but can we all agree that Tomorrowland looks super generic? It’s a chosen one story, right?

I don’t think the Poltergeist remake is gonna be good, yo, despite being from the director of the awesome Monster House.

San Andreas is directed by the guy who made Cats and Dogs 2 and Journey 2. My enthusiasm dwaynes.

Aloha will be the best romantic comedy of the summer.
You should see Results and The End of the Tour when they come out. The latter is my favorite movie of the year so far.

I haven’t watched Entrourage since its second season but I’m oddly curious enough about the movie to see it. Probably because I see everything.

I don’t care how many great reviews Spy gets, I won’t believe a Melissa McCarthy-led movie is good until I see it for myself.

I’m curious to see if Leigh Whannel just does a Wan Direction impression as director of Insidious: Chapter 3.

I think Jurassic World is going to be a whole lot like Jurassic Park III. Well, at least it’s not The Lost World: Jurassic Park.
A lot of you will see Me and Earl and the Dying Girl and love it. That movie’s a total indie nightmare. I never say a movie is overrated anymore. This one is overrated. It fucking sucks. I hate it so much.

I’m super intrigued by the documentary The Wolfpack.

I hope Inside Out is a huge hit for Pixar. They could use one.

Dope looks just ok but it’s from the director of The Wood!!!!! One please.

Ted 2 will be so bad that it will make us all retroactively dislike the first Ted.

Fuck off Terminator Genisys. The poster looks like the artwork for a Disturbed album. Yes, I’ll go see it.
I’m more excited for Magic Mike XXL than Terminator Genisys. 1991 version of me is confused by this.

My niece and nephew love the Minions which makes me want to see Minions even though I haven’t seen either Despicable Me movie.

How the hell is Self/less getting a theatrical release? Is Ryan Reynolds plus Ben Kingsley that much of a draw?

Ant-Man will not work, people will begin to doubt Marvel and it will mark the beginning of the decline for superhero movies.

Judd Apatow will not rebound from Trainwreck. Lebron James is the comic relief? Seriously? I know it got reviews out of SXSW but I dunno. I have my doubts.

I don’t understand anyone thinking Pixels is going to be anything but another bad Adam Sandler movie.

In theory I want to see Southpaw, but that trailer….yeesh! Tell me the whole movie why don’t ya? Great poster, though.
Fantastic Four will be better than Ant-Man and Avengers: Age of Ultron.

I love Jonathan Demme but I don’t think I can bring myself to see Ricki and the Flash.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. will be a sleeper hit.

Straight Outta Compton, too.

Sinister 2 will be a terrible horror sequel.

Why did they even make Hitman: Agent 47?


  1. I'm honestly a bit perplexed by all the love Jurassic World is getting. I think people love dinosaurs in theory, and Chris Pratt has so much charisma, that they've straight up forgotten how horrible the last 2 have been. The effects look bad, and the story is "been there, done that." It's following the Abram's Star Trek model of "oh wait, this time the villain is BIGGER!" I honestly can't tell why it's getting all kinds of love, and the Terminator movie is getting nothing but hate. They look the same level of bad, and since 1994, both franchises have the same track record. At this point, if I had to choose, I'd rather see Terminator (because Arnold), but I'm not excited for either.

    1. How great would it be if they both turned out to be good?

    2. Jurassic World comes out on my birthday and I plan on going to it that day but I'm not sure my undying love for Park nor the birthday bump will be enough to save it. Maybe it will be a case of underwhelming trailers setting my expectations low enough that they are exceeded - here's hoping!

      I'm also cautiously optimistic that the Terminator franchise is going to miraculously get back on track with this one. It can't possibly be worse than Salvation can it?

      Other article-related comments:

      Re Tom Hardy's voice I think he swallowed a bunch of air and delivered all of his lines trying to suppress a burp? It was awesome though. God I loved that movie.

      I would be rooting for Ant-Man if Edgar Wright were directing. Now I'm ambivalent but even still I am going to half-counter-prophecy that the movie is surprisingly good but is the worst performing at the box-office Marvel movie. Be that as it may, the superhero movie will keep going strong (until Dawn of Justice?).

      Props to "Wan Direction" and your dwayning enthusiasm.

    3. I'm really hoping they're both going to be good. I wouldn't be too surprised either, 2015 has been on a tear so far. 3 movies I've seen so far I would describe as perfect or near-perfect (It Follows, Ex Machina, and Mad Max), compared to one movies all last year that I would call near-perfect (The Guest.) So I am far more enthusiastic for this summer as opposed to last.

    4. @Sol I love your description of what Tom Hardy is trying to do with his voice in Mad Max Fury Road. He's not that good at voices but I never want him to stop doing voices. They are super entertaining.

  2. I am so nervous for The Man From Uncle. While I hope it is a big hit, I have my reservations. I am a huuuuge fan of the original TV series and the last thing I want is a movie remake. I am so split over the trailer. I love the funky 60s vibe, but its too dark at times. The show is super fun and campy and I don't see enough of that in the trailer. It also concerns me that it does not seem to mention much of the cannon set up by the original. They never show the secret HQ, They say secret Russian organization instead of THRUSH ( The evil organization from almost every episode of the show). Worst of all, They never explain what UNCLE stands for. Its the United Network Command for Law Enforcement. Everyone watching the trailer with no background has no clue why its called that. Don't ruin this for me Guy Ritchie.

    I'm also holding out for Jurassic World. I hope its good but it probably sucks.

    1. One problem with the JP sequels is that everyone seems very aware they are in a JP sequel. It's a weird complaint but I feel like everyone is acting in quotation marks in The Lost World and Jurassic Park III. Jurassic World gives me the same vibe.

    2. Yea I was super stoked for Jurassic World when I first heard about it but the more trailers and cg Dino's I see, the less interested I'm getting.

  3. I'm holding out hope for Self/Less - it's directed by Tarsem Singh who, like him or not, is always coming with some style. I didn't like The Cell but I absolutely love The Fall. I think it's a really under-appreciated film. I also think Immortals is super dumb but a lot of fun to watch.

    "A lot of you will see Me and Earl and the Dying Girl and love it. That movie’s a total indie nightmare. I never say a movie is overrated anymore. This one is overrated. It fucking sucks. I hate it so much." I'm so glad you wrote this. I saw the trailer and thought, "whoa, this is gonna be 'that movie' that people think are hip to like" and it looks like garbage to me.

    I really hope Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (I hate that title) is good. I am a fan of the series with MI2 being the exception and I love that Christopher McQuarrie is directing. I loved Jack Reacher.

    1. I can't believe I forgot about MI: Rogue Nation. That movie looks like a lot of fun.

      I can't wait for Me and Earl and the Dying Girl to come out. Normally, when my opinion goes against the tide, I give the movie a second chance. In this case, I don't see myself doing that. I haven't been that mad at a movie since Godzilla (2014).

    2. It just happened to me last weekend - "Just Before I Go". That vaulted to my top five worst ever. It's one of the most insufferable and insulting movies ever. It really angered me.

    3. Did you see that Jack Reacher 2 got a director??!!!! I'm stoked.

    4. Hmmm....I heard a while back that JR2 was greenlit, but I thought McQuarrie was coming back. I just looked it up and it's Zwick who I'm not that crazy about although he did Glory and more recently Defiance which I thought was "fine" :) I am super excited that it's actually happening but with tempered expectations. At least Cruise is back to keep that character alive and if the writing is good than I'll be happy.

    5. I must have ignored that Self/less is a Tarsem movie. They didn't put that in the trailer (I think)??? That makes me a little more curious about it.

  4. I actually think Ant Man will be a breath of fresh air after the bloated Age of Ultron.

    1. I also suspect it'll be great. However, full disclosure, I am selfishly hoping it'll rock because 1) San Francisco (represent!), and 2) Edgar Wright's hyper-active movies give me headaches, so I was actually relieved to hear he'd left the movie, and reeeaaaalllly don't want to hear years' worth of fanboy howls that if only he'd stayed on, it would've been good. :P