Friday, June 19, 2015

Junesploitation Day 19: Cannon!

We're Cannon Films, and we're dynamite!

65 comments:

  1. Menahem Golan’s OVER THE TOP (1987, 93 min.) on DVD for the first time.

    Tone-deaf, unintentionally-hilarious bad movies were the bread and butter of The Cannon Group. And yet the people running the studio took themselves and their movies seriously, which may explain why Cannon’s appeal has lasted well beyond their 80’s heyday. Take this colossally misguided attempt by the studio’s head honcho to transplant the “Rocky” template (with Rocky himself in the lead!) into the world of arm wrestling, to which a stranged trucker father/military son melodrama is awkwardly shoehorned to the beat of a Giorgio Moroder-composed 80’s rock score. All that plus Robert Loggia unleashed and hamming it up as a supposedly a-hole grandpa who turns out to not be as bad as advertised.

    On first viewing “Over the Top” doesn’t seem as crazy and nuts as the usual Cannon fodder (“Death Wish,” etc.) except for the final third, when a fantasy Vegas arm wrestling tournament becomes the spiritual prequel to “No Holds Barred.” A repeat viewing and listening to the How Did This Get Made podcast, however, opened my eyes at what a train wreck this is from a basic storytelling perspective. I’ll be rewatching “OTT” a bunch now, and trying to guess what’s the deal with the dying mother (Susan Blakely) and how can Lincoln Hawk (Sly Stallone) be allowed to drive rigs after deliberately crashing his truck into a private residence. Oh, Cannon, even your quasi-prestige films smell like rotten 80’s cheese. :-)

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    1. BTW, that observation about the Cannon executives comes from watching "Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films" earlier this year (trailer on top). It's one of the best behind-the-scenes documentaries about showbiz I've seen in years. Shame it's still not out of the festival circuit and hasn't landed a US distributor yet, but here's hoping that changes. Junesploitation! exists in great part because of Cannon, so we need this documentary out and about ASAP.

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    2. BTW, that observation about the Cannon executives comes from watching "Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films" earlier this year (trailer on top). It's one of the best behind-the-scenes documentaries about showbiz I've seen in years. Shame it's still not out of the festival circuit and hasn't landed a US distributor yet, but here's hoping that changes. Junesploitation! exists in great part because of Cannon, so we need this documentary out and about ASAP.

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  2. Cobra (1986)

    I think I loved and hated this movie in equal measure. How can you really hate something with scary modelling robots, and Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti snips pieces of pizza with a pair of scissors (I have no idea why this stuck out for me), and a crazy eyed villain. I have never been the biggest Sly Stallone fan, and this was not the movie to endear me toward him. Just like the Expendables the movie has to stop cold just so he can deliver a one liner with a close up shot of his face. Drives me nuts! I actually enjoyed the ridiculousness of the almost self parody seriousness of it all, but it did feel like a movie (or at least the cut I saw) that had the tone of a much more violent film than it was, that a lot of the violence was cut out. Hence the crazy eyed dude walking around.

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  3. King Lear (1987) Dir. the great Jean-Luc Godard

    I'm a big Godard fan, sometimes. I was at least in my pretentious movie watching stage and some of his films I still love to this day. I always avoided watching this one but figured it's Cannon day so why not. This is basically Godard saying fuck you, fuck Shakespeare, fuck the whole idea of making a Shakespeare film and "who the fuck is Menahem Golan?!" I think he's making a statement on the idea of interpretation and/or adaptation of a classic piece of written material to film. I'm sure there are a ton of articles that dissect this film, but if he didn't give a shit, I don't give a shit. What I do know is that it's boring as hell, nonsense and l and I turned the shit off 2/3 of the way through. I wouldn't put it past Godard to applaud me for that and say "You got it!"

    Probably the worst film anyone could pick for Cannon! day unless, like me, you wanted to torture yourself.

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    1. If by 'torture yourself' you mean putting yourself in the shoes of the average Cannon customer (i.e. regular moviegoers from the 80's, not the post-80's we-love-it-because-its-bad reassessment by film fans) then congratulations, you just lived the Cannon experience to its fullest. It's just that for most people it's Norris, Bronson or ninjas; for you (and probably for me if I saw it) it just happened to be Godard. Personally from your description I can't wait to see "King Lear" but I'm a Godard whore, what the hell do I know? ;-)

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    2. You know me, Vargas, I'm always trying to dig deep! And, yeah, as I mentioned before, this was a big one that I needed to check off of my Godard list so for that I'm happy.

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  4. Cyborg (1989)

    Just seeing the Cannon logo again hits my nostalgia button. I watched so many Cannon movies growing up, but I realized I had only seen Cyborg once, and that was in 1991. It was time to remedy that.

    I would never tell anyone that Cyborg is a "good" movie in the traditional sense. It's strangely edited, jumping randomly to flashbacks. It has some questionable acting, and the production design is "pile stuff on top of broken stuff."

    I will however tell everyone to watch this movie because it's awesome. Van Damme doesn't say much but causes a lot of Van Damage. The thrown together feel (last minute production and shot in less than 30 days) gives it so much charm. Cyborg is everything late 80s action sci-fi should be.

    It's a nostalgia piece, it's a time capsule, and the bottom line is:
    it's fun.

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    1. Hey Kyle, I always thought Cyborg looked oddly "foreign" like it was shot on a different kind of film stock or something? Am I remembering this correctly?

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    2. It has a strange look. I'm not sure if it was a different type of film stock, or just cheap film stock.

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    3. I would call Cyborg a good movie because I just love it so much. VAN DAMME.

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    4. Cyborg felt like an Italian action film to me.

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  5. Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype (1980) (first time viewing)

    Decided to go with a an earlier Cannon film that I'd never heard of, so I didn't know what to expect from this one. It's a crazy screwball comedy/horror (barely horror, mostly comedy) about an ugly deformed looking podiatrist who can't get girls so he's about to kill himself. He then takes a swig of some concoction that another doctor in his building brewed up. It turns him handsome and he finally gets some girls, but kills them if they don't tell him he's the most beautiful person in the room. Potion goes crazy and he keeps going back and forth between Heckyl and Hype, he's chased by cops for the murders in Benny Hill sped up fashion, there's a cameo by Dick Miller. What's not to recommend? Check it out.

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    1. Hi Kyle we went with the same choice :)

      Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype: Cooky in that it brings its own sensibilities to the tale and how Oliver Reed is delerious but in a very enjoyable way!

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    2. Reed definitely gave a fascinating performance. I went into this completely blind and didn't know what to expect. Once I figured out what they were going for I settled in and enjoyed the ride.

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  6. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

    There is so much going on in this movie that the script doesn't have time to waste on silly little things like setup, motivation, character consistency and logic, this is the creme dela creme of "And Then" storytelling.
    So, basically, Superman gets bullied by a little kid into throwing all the nuclear weapons into the sun, which creates a Nuclear Man with 80s style press on nails and Luthors voice. Lois acts mentally impaired, and Hackham isn't giving a fuck. Nobody wins. The End.
    Its title credit sequence is obviously by Doug Shultz and his masterful PowerPoint skills. Impressive!

    Bankruptcysploitation!

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  7. Otello (1986)

    On the surface it might seem weird that the schlockmeisters at Cannon would back a filmed adaptation of an opera by Verdi. But it's good to remember that in the 1800's, audiences treated opera the way we treat movies today - as popular entertainment. And the subject matter is pure pulp: jealousy, paranoia, and murderous rage. Franco Zeffirelli's direction is mostly good, although a few times he gets a little to "artsy" for his own good. And Spanish tenor Placido Domingo is in fine form as the jealous Moor. Justino Diaz also deserves props for his performance as the treacherous Iago. And that music! Verdi at his best.

    [This plug for opera funded by a grant from the Steve K foundation, and by viewers like you.]

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  8. Street Smart (1987)

    This is that rarest of creatures where Cannon Films is concerned: an actual good movie. Christopher Reeve is a journalist who, fearing for his job, fabricates a story about a pimp. The problem is that the story he made up has some striking similarities to the life of Fast Black (Morgan Freeman), a pimp on trial for the murder of a john.

    Freeman is incredible, and he got a well-deserved Oscar nomination for his work. He's magnetic and intimidating, not just the one-note sleaze that might be expected from a Cannon production, and Reeve goes toe-to-toe with him admirably. This was a pet project of Reeve's that Cannon financed in exchange for securing him for Superman IV, so at least something good came out of that godforsaken mess.

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  9. ROCKULA (1990)

    A 400-year-old vampire still lives with his mother, and dreams of someday becoming a musician. Every 22 years, he encounters the reincarnation of the woman he once loved, only to see her die. Will this be the time he finally saves her? Sadly, the movie is more interested in lame-o comedy shtick than it is in exploring the intriguing fantasy world it creates. It’s not a total waste of time, though. The many songs are in the so-bad-they’re-good category. There’s not just the “Rockula” theme song, but it’s followed up with a “Rapula” song! The supporting cast includes a bunch of musicians like Bo Diddley, Toni Basil, and Thomas Dolby. Dolby is surprisingly funny as the villain, and I wonder why he didn’t act more.

    Accompanying short film: Thomas Dolby’s EUROPA AND THE PIRATE TWINS music video. Couldn’t find a Cannon-related short (Did Cannon really never produce a horror anthology movie?) so I stuck with Dolby, who I guess I’m a fan of now.

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  10. Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films (2015)
    "What they lacked in taste, they made up for with enthusiasm."
    I really enjoyed Mark Hartley's last two movies, Not Quite Hollywood and Machete Maidens Unleashed, so I was looking forward to his latest documentary. I was not disappointed. He manages to pick the perfect clips to illustrate how nuts these films could be (Hercules throws a bear into space!). There's a kind of melancholy that pervades the last third as the studio falters, but the post script before the credits is laugh-out-loud.
    I made a list of films I wanted to see as the movie went along, and the first I've gotten to is Lifeforce (1985). I didn't really engage with it at first, because Steve Railsback is not a compelling lead, but once he disappears for awhile, the movie had me. I loved the practical effects--the space vampire victims are pretty fantastic.

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  11. Cobra (1986)

    Sylvester Stallone plays Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti. His gun has a cobra on the handle and he drives a black 1950 Mercury Monterey with the license plate "AWSOM 50". He wears reflective aviators and chews on a matchstick. He gives his coworkers nutritional advice ("Try some fish!") and tells them not to swear in public. He shoves a journalist's face at a corpse when they ask if he used excessive force ("Tell that to their family!"). But more important than anything else, he cuts his pizza with scissors.

    Cobra feels like the result of a semi-dystopian 80's crime thriller being made by a recent film school graduate. The content if fairly standard for a "pushing the boundaries of the law" police procedural (“As long as we have to play by these bullshit rules and the killer doesn’t, we’re gonna lose.”), but it's drenched in buckets of style. Insert shots abound in every scene, the bad guys are composed almost exclusively in silhouette, and half of the action is framed in dutch angles. There's an investigation montage which is crosscut with single frames of knives and axes and shots of a photo shoot where models pose alongside robots for no good reason.

    I don't know much about Cannon, but if there's more like this then you can count me in. Delightfully trashy.

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    1. I felt like went through the seven steps with this one, curiosity, confusion, anger, laughter, annoyance, laughter again right through to genuine liking. I agree bring on more Cannon fodder, I have he taste for this one.

      I am glade someone else pointed out the scissoring of pizza!

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  12. Catch the Heat (1987, dir. Joel Silberg)

    So, this isn't from Cannon, but it was an honest mistake. It's the same director as Breakin', Rappin', and Lambada, and this really feels like a Cannon picture. Tiana Alexandra is dope-busting federal agent CHECKERS GOLDBERG. She's sent undercover as CINDERELLA PU, aspiring dancer, to uncover a Brazilian smuggling operation run by Rod Steiger's Jason Hannibal, who's hiding drugs inside women's breast implants. She kills Toru Tanaka and the cop who cleans it up says "His head looks like it was caught between two freight trains!" Her partner retorts: "Yeah, she had a crush on him." Classic! It was written by Tiana's husband Stirling Silliphant, who wrote The Towering Inferno, was a student of Bruce Lee, and was 43 years older than her. Trailer.

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    1. Stirling also co-wrote "Over the Top's" screenplay with Stallone, so the Cannon ties are strong with this one.

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  13. The Last American Virgin (1982) - First viewing

    Not at all what I expected. What looked like a standard comedy about teens and their sexual hijinks turned out to be a surprisingly dark and serious, even touching, story about a teenager in love. And that ending! Didn't see that coming.

    The early 80's music is excellent and there's lots of it, but I have a hard time getting past the 80's fashion and hairstyles, they genuinely distracted me quite a bit from the story.

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    1. In a certain sense, that movie has the most devastating ending I've ever seen. It just crushed me, and considering the goofy sex comedy it was up until the last quarter of it or so, it was truly surprising.

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  14. BLOODSPORT
    This is a wierd one. Has some great fighting sequences, Jean Claude Van Damme being cool, and some really bad story. I'm aware of what I was getting into, and I'm super down to just watch a movie about martial arts fighting. But there's two completely extraneous story lines with the reporter love interest, who never actually writes a single word or does anything at all really except sleep with JCVD, and the FBI guys chasing JCVD, who also are there only to add some scenes that aren't dudes fighting in the tournament. Which is all super great. And it's because they were all actually fighting. I liked BLOODSPORT fine, and I might revisit it someday, but this movie needed either a lot less story, or a story that was actually related to the stuff we cared about, which is the fighting.

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    1. You mean the flashbacks to teenage (LOL, that face!) and young man Van Damme doing the splits and training montages galore didn't do it for you?

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    2. I mean...no. That first 20 minutes is rough and badly executed. If you wanted to show all that stuff, start the movie with it. Although I like to think that his memory was playing in real time and he stood in the hall staring at that katana for 20 minutes, which almost makes it worth it for the hilarious ness of that image. Key word being almost, but hey.

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  15. Runaway Train (1985)

    Wow, this movie was really good. Jon Voight and Eric Roberts play two escaped convicts stuck on the titular runaway train. It's a simple concept handled really well as the film gets into what makes these guys tick. Eric Roberts chews a little bit of scenery in his doofus from the South role, but it never got too overwhelming for me, although I kind of know what to expect when he shows up in anything. This is a much better movie than 2010's Unstoppable which lifted so much of it's story from here. This was a happy surprise for me.

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    1. Probably favorite Cannon film I have seen that doesn't have ninjas in it.

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    2. This is surely my most favorite Cannon film. It had tension, great cinematography, a badass train which looked like a monster after the crash and a fantastic crazy Jon Voight. Saw that on the big screen back in 85 and it was great...and it really holds up today, which is a quality not many Cannon films have.

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  16. I think what I have learned from today is binge watching Canon is like eating chocolate cereal. It's not the healthiest food group, but it is yummy and easy to eat, you would eat it 3 times a day if you could especially when sick or very tired!

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  17. Kickboxer (1989, Mick DiSalle & David Worth)

    Now that Ong-Bak and GIFs exist there's no reason to ever watch this movie. Looks as cheaply and hastily thrown together as it no doubt was. Every line reading feels like the first take. Every action scene consists of opponent A beating opponent B to a pulp as B fails to land a single meaningful blow. Other than the weirdo charm of the strip club scene, where a stage full of strippers dance so awkwardly as to remove any possibility of titillation, nothing in this movie was even fun in a dumb '80s cornball way.

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    1. I also did Kickboxer (1989) (First Time Viewing): Slightly disappointing, as it comes nowhere close to the greatness of Bloodsport. Still, JCVD is great, and I love a good training montage. Half of this movie is training montages. I know someone else said it earlier in the month, but I’ll echo it: I finally get the Hot Shots: Part Deux reference!

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    2. Yeah, it's not one of my favorite Van Damme movies. It just feels like a 'Van Damme is awesome' montage. And the strip club scene makes me sad because all the dancers just look so dead inside I just feel sorry for them.

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    3. I think that's also a fair reading of the strip club scene, but to me it looked more like they were trying to dance but the director threw the shots together so quickly his only direction was "move your body to the music or something! it looks great!" and they all sorta floundered about, nowhere near unison and seemingly all dancing to a different song. In many ways it was a relief compared to how sleazily most strip club scenes in action movies are filmed.

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  18. Cyborg (1989)
    How could I be a Cannon fan, an old school JCVD fan, AND survive the 80s, and the 90s, and the '00s, without seeing Cyborg? I don't know. But I'm glad I saw it now rather than before I began studying cinema. Watching it now made it a very surreal experience. I probably would've hated it back in the day. Now I just want to watch Slinger. So curious.

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  19. Cheerleader Camp: I think this is kind of like the lesbian Nightmare on Elm Street 2. I feel the film should have enbraced the gay more! Cheerleader and mascot-forbidden love! I had great fun with this film.

    Canon Movie Tales: Hansel and Gretel: The crazy witch bubbling a potion scene where Gretel finds out she is evil was my favourite bit!

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  20. Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films (2014)

    This documentary on Cannon was absolutely fantastic. The story of these two guys is admirable cause even if you don’t like their films (and believe me Cannon has made some crap) you gotta admire their gumption at trying to get bigger and bigger. Also on the plus side it does seem from the film that if a director did decide to do a movie with Cannon they were pretty much able to do what they wanted with their film (that is until the test screening where the two studio heads would realize they got the wrong star). Another fascinating thing about this is that during the interviews the stars seem to actively hate and love the fact they were working at Cannon. Check this one out even if you are not a big Cannon fan, its dynamite!

    8 Word Review (In Preparation for SMM)

    “Enthusiasm and confidence sometimes override plain common sense”

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    1. "Who the hell is Sharon Stone?!"

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    2. "Who the hell is Sharon Stone?!"
      I love that! I say the same thing when I see names that are trending on Yahoo. And I really have no fucking idea who they are. Usually it's either some housewife of Beverly Hills or some teen idol I've never heard of.

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  21. Hmmmm....only 18 films watched for Cannon! day? I'm really surprised. To me, this is one of the best categories on the agenda. That being said, a lot of Cannon films have been watched in other categories already, but I still expected more.

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    1. Well, it's day 19 of Junesploitation (a Friday no less) so we're down to the few, the proud, the hardcore F-heads. Maybe the lesson for next year is to have Cannon day early in the month, when the spirits are high and Junesploitation fever is running rampant.

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    2. Well, I can tell you I'm sticking around for the long haul. I'm too OCD to give up now. It's been pretty exhausting, but I feel like it's worth it. Junesploitation has done exactly what it's set out to do for me. Yeah, I've had some crappy movies in there, but there are some real gems that I've discovered that I never would have given a second glance before. Hell, discovering Streets of Fire alone has already made this whole month worth it. Viva la #Junesploitation!

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    3. Ain't Streets of Fire amazing? I'm totally with you about the joys of Junesploitation. It's worth wading through some of the garbage to find those treasures we might otherwise never have seen.

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  22. Under Cover (1987, dir. John Stockwell)

    Considering the effort I put into finding and watching this movie, it was a disappointment. It's not bad -- it's a fine cop drama -- but it lacks the weird personality of most Cannon movies. John Stockwell rose quickly through the ranks there, first acting and then co-writing features by age 24; he directed this one (his first) at age 25. Cops go undercover at a high school but make ZERO EFFORT to not be cops the other 16 hours of the day. Still, I can't complain about Jennifer Jason Leigh in heavy black eyeliner and a W.A.S.P. t-shirt.

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    1. Damn! I was hoping this was going to be strong. Oh, well. Still an awesome find and I am keeping it on my watch list.

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  23. Bloodsport (1988)

    A rare rewatch for me during Junesploitation, but this was just what I needed after a long day. Here's the thing with Bloodsport for those that don't get the appeal. For people looking for a cheesy action movie, it offers everything in the cheesiest fashion possible in a really charming way. I really think charming cheese is the best way to describe this movie. I know I've made my mancrush on Van Damme abundantly clear on this website, but I'll keep going. He's not a good actor, but he's so darn honest and sincere that I'm always 100% on board for his performances. I just think he's terrific here and I'm not trying to be ironic. The music montages are also just... the best.

    I also love the ending "I love you my friend" scene. So over the top but... friend love is moving guys!

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  24. INVASION U.S.A. (1985, Joseph Zito)

    My CANNON-movie for must had these following attributes: Rifles, guns, Uzis, rocket launchers, grenade launchers,air boats, shootouts, action, explosions, stunts and a cool action hero!!!

    And here we have: INVASION U.S.A. starring the legendary Chuck Norris!!!!

    A terrorist, played by the great Richard Lynch, who wants to invade the U.S., and our hero named Hunter (yeah..!!!), played by Chuck Norris, who's acting with only one facial expression during the whole movie!!!
    Hunter is killing a lot, A LOT of bad guys in awesome, unique and a cool looking way...with two freakin' Uzis (Akimbo style)!!!!!

    This movie is like most of the CANNON-flicks an awesome blast!!!!!

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  25. Crack House (1989)
    I've had a list of movies to blind buy that QT has screened at his film festivals at the Alamo Drafthouse. Crack House screened at QT6. The best way I can describe Crack House: imagine an R rated After School Special produced by Cannon. That's Crack House. Rick Morales and his girlfriend Melissa are living in the inner city. Rick was in his cousin's gang, but now he's with Melissa, proposed to her, even, and now he wants to make a clean break, maybe join the air force. But just when he thought he was out... well, you know. I'm really not surprised. This city is bustling with drug dealers, bangers, and prostitutes. The mens restroom at school doubles as a drug store, and does so much business, how could the faculty NOT know what's going on? But Detective Richard Roundtree is around to bust it all up. What he would really like to do is take down pimp and drug dealer Jim Brown. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Rick's cousin is shot and killed, Rick wants revenge, it gets him locked up, and leaves Melissa defenseless to the scum in that foul, foul city. And then things get all After School Special-y, Cannon style. Jim Brown doesn't screw around.

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  26. I am really surprised no one else watched this one, when I looked at the Cannon 80s list this one stood out to me like a shining light

    Lifeforce 1985 Tobe Hooper

    Space vampires and a naked Mathilda may looking stunning had me hooked, :) after reading Patrick's column on Daily dead I feel lost for words as theres not much left to say,
    http://dailydead.com/a-naked-space-vampire-in-london-tobe-hoopers-lifeforce-at-30/

    I really enjoyed it, I don't know why some films take a long time to catch on, im hoping the new Scream factory Bluray will show this movie to people that missed it, its one of those gems that sneaked though the net, of course the effects are 30 years old and a bit clunky but I love the ambition and the concept

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    1. Quite a few of us watched it for the Scream Factory day. It's awesome and their Blu Ray is awesome!

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    2. I forgot about that day, Cool, its all starting to merge into a big june movie binge watch now, :)

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  27. The Borrower (1991)
    This is like The Hidden, only without Kyle MacLachlan, and without a point. An alien criminal is sentenced to life imprisonment... on Earth. In a human body. But his alien physiology rejects the human body, so he continually has to swap bodies... by ripping off heads, and stowing away inside the body, and replacing the head on top. At least, I think so. The movie seems to be confused with the biology of its own creature. And so am I. It goes from Tom Towles, to Huggy Bear; it even borrows a dog's head for awhile! Rae Dawn Chong is the cop on the case of the missing heads. She and her partner just run around in circles the whole movie. But you can play Spot the Boom Mike, and there's a cameo by Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie. It's an interesting oddity, but nothing much else. The Hidden is much more fun. The KNB effects are pretty sweet.

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    1. I forgot to mention: this was directed by John McNaughton. Yes, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer's John McNaughton. Yes, Wild Things' John McNaughton.

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  28. Invaders frm Mars (1986)

    Just a year after "Lifeforce" the same team of director Tobe Hooper and the screenwriting duo Dan O'Bannon and Don Jacoby graced the screens with this equally strange and at least financially disappointing remake. It´s kind of fun and effective but fizzled out at the end. Bizarre sets and crazy creatures are still fun to watch, as bad as they are, courtesy of the legendary Stan Winston. He got a nomination (together with John Dykstra) for a golden rapsberry for worst FX. Even the normally great Louise Fletcher got one for worst actress.
    Christopher Youngs fine original score was replaced in some regions by a blurring synthie score by a guy named David Storrs, I gladly never heard of before or after this.
    The german version I know is a little butchered and cut, but at least it has the original score.
    This has not so much crazy strangeness as "Lifeforce", but it´s still kind of an interesting companion piece.
    Remembering that Camerons "Aliens" is also from 1986, this movie today looks just old and cheap, but it has the charm of the naive sci-fi movies of the 50s and given this is a Cannon production, it was pretty amitious.

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  29. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

    I guess I forgive 8-year-old me for not realizing this movie is horrible garbage - there are a few moments in the first half that actually feel like a real movie, but wow, most of it just feels like no one involved gave a fuck about anything. Lazy performances, horrible effects, a stupid story, even the classic theme song somehow feels cheaper. I don't even like Reeves' Superman in this one, though he's still the best Clark by a mile. I believe this was supposed to be Cannon's first "big movie" but it's like they got a few days in and just said, "Ah, fuck it. Let's just put most of the budget into coke for Margot Kidder." I did like Supes' new eye-powered masonry ability when he rebuilds the Great Wall of China by just looking at it.

    BAD MOVIE - I think it would be fun to watch with friends though!

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  30. New Year's Evil (1980)

    Ok. First of all, I actually like the title. It's stupid in a way that makes me laugh. The premise is there is a guy calling in to a New Year's show telling the girl hosting it that he is going to kill someone every hour until midnight. He uses the 1980s version of a voice distorter. I'm pretty sure Scream stole the idea from this well-known gem. The movie is not good but I've seen worse, from that time, like Prom Night. The mask he wears is pretty creepy, although he doesn't wear it much. If watch it and like it then I totally endorse it. If you watch it and hate it then I told you not to watch it you stupid idiot.

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  31. Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films (2014)

    It's fine.

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  32. Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films (2014)

    Yeah, it is

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  33. Bloodsport (1988)

    Just... bad. I get it. I understand what the movie is and what it isn't, and I wasn't expecting a masterpiece, but I was honestly really bored throughout. The acting and writing were both terrible for the most part, especially young Jean-Claude Van Damme, and I found the fighting scenes pretty uninteresting. Maybe I'm just spoiled by The Raid...

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  34. Masters of the Universe (1987)

    Technically this was a re-watch but the last time I saw this was at the cinema in 1988 with my dad..I remember then even as a four year old I wasn't too impressed with the movie. I looooooved the cartoon, and apart from a few of the characters and some loose references to Greyskull there wasn't too much there to resemble the cartoon I loved.

    Did I enjoy it more now, 27 years later? Nope.

    Part of the enjoyability of Cannon movies is often their hard action. this had none of that - and I know the movie was aimed at kids, but still the action was so very clunky and lackluster. I also know now that Cannon had the rights to the toys but not to the cartoon - which explains why the plot is nothing like what so many kids were used to.

    It's disappointing because I can almost see how excited the producers would have been to secure the rights to the Mattel toys, then to cast Dolph Lundgren who pretty much resembled a 6 foot 5 action figure at that time.

    They thought this would be the next Star Wars but they were very very wrong, and part of the reason Cannon crumbled is this expensive failure.

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