by Melissa Uhrin
I don't need to go into details of all the bullshit; abuse is abuse is abuse. The focus of this is to reinforce that it is possible to break the cycle and remove yourself from any given situation, whatever it may look like. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. Not just a light smile here and there; I'm talking about happy down to your guts, sicken everyone with your ridiculous smile, laugh so loud you can be heard miles away, and sing all your sentences kind of HAPPINESS. I'm a better me on the other side of the bullshit, I appreciate life, now know true love and find joy in almost everything I do. This is all about rising up out of the deepest and darkest of depths and celebrating the happiness in life you deserve.
I have written about comfort movies before, but this is about a different kind of comfort, in that I find certain films have the ability to recharge my happiness reserves and be there for me through difficult times. When I needed to rediscover myself and become me again, movies helped fill in the blanks, rebuild my personality and tie me back together.
I took back control of my life on December 1st 2008, packed my life into a suitcase, scribbled a quick note and ran away in the wee hours of the morning. I don't remember much from that extremely long day aside from a horrible desperation to make it home safely, but one thing that thoroughly stuck in my brain is that I paid $16 to rent a movie at the hotel at my stopover in Sydney. Yep. Sixteen bucks for Kung Fu Panda. And I don't remember a damn thing about it.
A couple months after I was getting settled back into my life in Canada, I began what would turn into a five and half year career as a mechanical insulator and spent the first couple years on the road with my new foreman, my brother Tim. After every ten-hour day, we would grab a couple drinks, some tasty foods and settle in for an evening of video games or movies. A large chunk of my personality was moulded from the crass, sarcastic and in your face humour of a few impactful comedy and horror-comedies that were the key to forming a new, and improved Melissa 2.0. A couple examples:
This is a safe place right? Free from judgement? 'Cause I am that person that has stood in the middle of the room, stared fixedly at your confused face and rapidly swished my hips side to side, saying flap flap flap flap flap flap FLAP FLAP FLAP for no other reason than I am entertaining myself. Like I said, my personality has been forever altered thanks to the movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the same way that punk and metal calm me when I need my music, a great horror provides the therapy that only an expensive doctor could provide. (I'm not even going to begin to break that down, could lead down a very dark and twisted path that probably stems from a repressed alien abducted during my teens or something equally awesome.)
Event Horizon - There's just something about delving into someone's deepest and darkest fears that puts your own fears and reality into perspective. While pain is pain, removing yourself from it and living in another's reality can somehow be therapeutic.
Another favourite is Drag Me To Hell. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have reenacted for my mom, through mime, the old lady corpse spewing embalming fluid into Alison Lohman's open mouth. Daughter of the year here.
Defeating years of physical and emotional abuse is possible. I found that coming to believe that happiness could be a real thing again was half the struggle. Feeling utterly alone is a direct result of the abuse, but you are never truly alone. Support can be found everywhere, from family and friends, to snuggles from a furry friend, to the movies that we love and take comfort in, to a random person telling you that you deserve to live a happy life in the words you are reading right now. YAY YOU!
Thank you movies for helping me become me again. However weird that might look, I love me.
Flap flap FLAP FLAP FLAP.