In July of 1997, my relationship with my group of high school friends was at an impasse. Many of these friends of mine I had since elementary school, so we went way back. At the time of the release of Good Burger, we were a faction with warring ideologies. The posse of which I was once the alpha had cast me aside in favor of nefarious endeavors. I was innocence. They were Devil’s Night. I was in a state of arrested development. They had a 50/50 chance being arrested each weekend. They wanted to take drugs. I wanted to see Good Burger.
The summer of 1997 sucked ass. Cut to two months prior to May of 1997 and I remember having one particularly shitty birthday. It was a Sunday. I had just turned 15. I went out to celebrate with my family. None of my friends wished me a happy birthday all day. As the hours wound down I remember taking a bath. I sat in the tub mulling things over: Why does high school suck? Who will I sit with at lunch if I ditch my friends? How did Steven Spielberg mess up so bad with The Lost World: Jurassic Park or is it great and I’m the problem because I’m a big fat fucking loser? Why can’t things be like it was in the evergreen summer of 1993, when the White Sox were good, Sega was king, I wasn’t too old to go to the public pool, Jurassic Park was sweeping the nation and my friends weren’t juvenile delinquents? I was in pain. For example, there was a kid in my group we sometimes would call “hamster boy” because he looked like a hamster. Then he supplanted me in the food chain because drugs. It’s sobering when your power ranking is now below the kid who you once laughed at for playing Magic: The Gathering all day. Stupid hamster boy.
As much as I love movies, I’ve never thought I could make a movie myself, nor had the desire really. When I come up with ideas for films or scenes of films in my head, they are often trite and nowhere near up to the level of even the most pedestrian Hollywood product. But I can say, without a doubt, that if I were to take a crack at writing a screenplay, it would probably wind up being a lot like Good Burger.
Now let’s get into some specifics about the film itself. It stars the comedy duo of Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell (both never better), who star in a feature-film adaptation of their popular skit called “Good Burger” which came from the Nickelodeon sketch comedy program All That, a show I adored that also launched Amanda Bynes, who looks like a white Marki Bey (this is a joke only for Patrick Bromley). The story is of a burger dive named Good Burger that faces financial ruin when a big bad called Mondo Burger opens across the street. Mondo Burger is led by a tyrant who has an array of lackeys and they all wear purple jumpsuits and take their jobs way too seriously. Sound familiar? That’s because the movie Dodgeball ripped this idea off seven years later. Respect your elders, Ben Stiller.
Wishmaster and Tales from the Hood, this is the new Holy Grail.