by Adam Riske
Some people say movies released in January are bad. So, what am I supposed to do? Stop living my life or something?
Nowhere to Run (1993) – This is one of my favorite Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. He’s Mr. Sensitive Convict Man in Nowhere to Run and that’s a good look for him. Plus, Nowhere to Run is from one of my favorite subgenres of action (aka Farmhouse Fury). Ted Levine is a great bad guy here, there’s a cop that looks exactly like Michael Bay, some terrible/great one-liners by JCVD (the best being “Au revoir, fucker!”), steak cooking, hardware store scenes (I enjoy those for some reason) and Draft Day’s own Rosanna Arquette! Plus, she and JCVD have a love scene that’s like Fifty Shades of Hay. If you don’t like farmhouse sex scenes, there’s something wrong with you.
Higher Learning (1995) – I have no idea why this movie means so much to me but it does. I have watched it, no joke, maybe forty times in my life. It’s an all-time remote dropper. I was so relieved when I went to college and discovered that it was not as stressful (usually) as the one depicted on a day-to-day basis in Higher Learning. It has everything: Omar Epps being a badass, an over-the-top Michael Rappaport (which is like saying cold ice cream), a terrifying Cole Hauser (he is never not scary to me) and Laurence Fishburne speaking in a Caribbean (?) accent that I have imitated for 23 years (“Mister Big Time Track Star!”). I love the message John Singleton era (era) so much!
Metro (1997) – I love when movies sound real “gritty city” like Heat or City Hall, so I was super excited to see Eddie Murphy’s action-comedy Metro in theaters. This was his first movie off his comeback in 1996 with The Nutty Professor remake and he had that movie star swagger back. I was so excited to see this movie. THEN I GOT SHUT DOWN FROM SEEING IT AT THE MALL BECAUSE IT WAS RATED R AND I WAS ONLY 14! Talk about blue (as in, police) balls. I mean we’re talking a movie with a Michael Rappaport (he’s a January staple) sidekick character (I imagine him on set being like “Yo Eddie. I’m Michael. I followed you forever, man. I play homeboys.”) and a villain turn by one of my favorite character actors: good old gravel mouth Michael Wincott. Dude is like if a sore throat took human form. I ended up seeing Metro on video and didn’t love it at first because it’s more action-drama than comedy (which is sometimes jarring in Eddie Murphy vehicles), but nowadays I’ll watch it when it’s on cable once every two years. It’s a good little forgotten action flick.
Jackie Chan’s First Strike (1997) – Aka the movie I saw instead of Metro. After not being able to get in to see the R-rated Rumble in the Bronx or Supercop in 1996 (what were cinemas trying to protect me from?), First Strike was the first Jackie Chan vehicle I could see with friends in theaters because it was rated PG-13. I was blown away by how much fun it was. At the time, I remember telling my friends in high school that First Strike was a better spy movie than GoldenEye, to which I got many sideways glances. Whatever, dudes. First Strike has some awesome set pieces of Chan snowboard-fighting down a mountain, beating people up with ladders and hanging out in his hotel room with a Koala bear. 1997 was a good year for Jackie Chan U.S. releases, because six months later the equally fun and underrated Operation Condor came out. I want to double feature those two right now! Hmmm…maybe I should pit them against each other in a future scorecard article?
My Dog Skip (2000) – This motherfucker rented at Blockbuster, boy let me tell ya! For about a month, I saw My Dog Skip fly off the shelf as if there were wads of cash in the VHS cases. One day I decided to use an employee rental to see it, and my goodness is it a beautiful boy and his dog movie, with great 1940s suburbs atmosphere and a wonderful grumpy dad performance by the always terrific Kevin Bacon. It’s a real tear jerker and a movie I own on DVD because I purchased it the moment I returned the tape back to work. I’ve never re-watched My Dog Skip, but I like having it in my collection because it’s a signpost for the time in my life when I was 18 and really into My Dog Skip and Christina Aguilera.
BloodRayne (2006) – This pick is, of course, mostly ironic, but of all the Uwe Boll movies I’ve seen, BloodRayne is the only one I enjoyed. Some of it has to do with it being head-scratchingly entertaining, some because it’s like an R-rated ‘90s WGN syndicated fantasy show, and the rest because it’s not much worse than many other video game film adaptations. The cast is really weird (e.g. Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez play Russians), the trailer is incredible (I like how the Matt Davis name card is all “WE GOT MATT DAVIS!” and how it follows none of the beats of a typical preview) and it’s the perfect movie to see in January at a dollar theater two weeks after it was in first-run theaters. I haven’t revisited BloodRayne since 2006 and I’m sure I’ll never have the same WTF-fun experience I had with it on the initial viewing, but I will say I recommend it if you have a good sense of humor and know what you’re getting into.
Grandma’s Boy (2006) – Another dollar theater discovery that blew me away. Yes, you read that right. Grandma’s Boy is soooo funny every time I watch it, and that’s impressive since I’m not a stoner, a gamer or a Happy Madison apologist. I just think the jokes work (the one about Charlie Chaplin getting a hand job is maybe the hardest I’ve ever laughed in a movie theater), the cast (including Linda Cardellini, Doris Roberts, Jonah Hill, and a hilarious Joel David Moore) is game and it’s a great hangout movie with almost zero stakes – something I wish more movies had. Seriously, why do we always need the plot to have a conflict? Sometimes I just want to spend time with fun characters and watch them overcome nothing. Grandma’s Boy is a charmingly silly movie and (here it comes) the most underrated comedy of the 2000s.
Smokin’ Aces (2007) – It’s a shame Joe Carnahan isn’t one of the biggest directors in Hollywood. The Grey (another January release!) is, I think, his best movie but Smokin’ Aces is the one where he became a director I’ll watch make anything. It’s mean, it’s violent, it’s funny and it kicks all kinds of ass with great energy and an amazing ensemble cast including Taraji P. Henson, Ryan Reynolds, Ray Liotta, Andy Garcia and many more (often in roles we don’t expect the actors to play). This is a perfect weekend action flick. I’ll always remember seeing this in theaters because I had a hiccup fit the entire night I saw it. It drove my cousin nuts. Every thirty seconds, I would hiccup to the point where I eventually closed my mouth and sort of hopped in my seat, hiccupping non-verbally. Oh, to be young again.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) – I’m always going to hold this movie in a special place because it came out right when I started writing for this site and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone how much I loved the movie. I was very surprised how entertaining and Army of Darkness-like it was and over the moon about Gemma Arterton as Gretel and my dude, Edward the Troll. As time has gone on, I’ve become less concerned with being seen as a serious critical voice and have really leaned into what makes me enthusiastic. I’m a much happier writer and moviegoer that way. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters was sort of a gift to come along when it did because it gave me guidance in how I wanted to write about film and not just be another voice echoing the consensus.
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014) – I will never forgive the world for not making this movie a hit. It is basically hand-crafted to please me. It has my boy Chris Pine as Jack Ryan (he’s not the best Jack Ryan, because Harrison Ford, but he’s my Jack Ryan), the lovely Keira Knightley in great dresses and KEVIN COSTNER as CHRIS PINE’S MENTOR! Because this movie failed at the box office, now we have Jim from The Office rebooting Jack Ryan as an Amazon series. That’s not the same! In the words of Kenneth Branagh’s villain: “You think this is game?” I’m gonna watch Shadow Recruit again. I’m so mad right now. It’s like…you’ll blow nearly $1B collectively on another DCEU movie but couldn’t spare enough shekels to give Pine Ryan a second mission? Ugh!
What January release do you love and/or feel are underrated?
Guilty Pleasure - "The Best of Times" (1985) - Robin Williams, Kurt Russell
ReplyDeleteNot bad - "Youngblood" (1985) - Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, Cynthia Gibb, young Keanu Reeves
Saw it not too long ago and liked it - "Power" (1985) - Richard Gere, Gene Hackman, young Denzel Washington
Ditto - "Internal Affairs" (1990) - Richard Gere, Andy Garcia
Fun when I first saw it on HBO in the early 1990s - "Warlock" (1991) - Julian Sands, Lori Singer, Richard E. Grant
Nice light romance movie - "Imagine Me & You" (2006) - Lena Headey, Piper Perabo
Whoa - "Predestination" (2015) - Ethan Hawke, Sarah Snook
Not a McDonald's ad - "The Founder" (2017) - Michael Keaton, Nick Offerman, John Carroll Lynch
I've been meaning to see Internal Affairs for years. I need to get on that.
DeleteI've been hiding my love for "Metro" for 20years, thinking it was shameful. No more! I love "Metro". There, I said it. Now I can breathe.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Michael Wincott should be in everything.
I actually had the Metro poster in my bedroom for a year because it was $1 from my local video store.
DeleteAlso I don't know why Wincott isn't in every goddam movie, if only for atmosphere. I would love to hear him, Michael Madsen, Nick Nolte, and DMX have a conversation.
Smokin Aces is one of my favorite action flick ever. The editing, the actors, the dialogues. Everything is perfect. And that shootout man, one of the greatest
ReplyDeleteI also love Grandma’s Boy a lot. I’m not a stoner, but i can have fun with it anyway. And Linda Cardellini is always fun to see in a movie
Ah, so First Strike is the one where Chan uses a big-ass ladder. I swear, he is the MacGyver of martial arts - whatever is at hand he can turn into a cool weapon. I think he used antlers - antlers! - in Shanghai Noon.
ReplyDeleteOn a Chan related note, has anyone seen The Forgeiner? I'm intrigued by the idea of him in a serious role.
I've seen The Foreigner. It's not great. The movie it feels most like (oddly) to me is The Devil's Own. There's a lot of IRA stuff in it.
DeleteFirst Strike is the best.
DeleteAlso, all of my favorite random WGN sci-fi shows started with "Gene Roddenberry's..."
The Foreigner is 50% The Devil's Own and 50% Collateral Damage. Its.....fine. But nothing you'll ever want to watch again.
DeleteOf recent releases, XXX: Return of Xander Cage was the ultimate Januray release. It felt like First Strike updated. Plus Donnie Yen.
ReplyDeleteFirst Strike is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteMy pick is Blackhat. One of the most underrated movies of the decade. Love it!
I loved Blackhat. I don't understand why it was so maligned.
DeleteI didn't particularly dislike Shadow Recruit, but it had three big strikes against it: the post-Cold War setting didn't really work, Knightley's American accent was both awful and completely unnecessary, and the whole "we gotta save Wall Street from triggering a financial meltdown caused by villainous foreigners!" climax was pretty tone-deaf. I agree, however, that the Amazon reboot series doesn't sound too promising.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I double-checked the math, and I'm pretty sure the January '06 release Wristcutters: A Love Story is the most underrated comedy of the 2000s. It hasn't even been mentioned on this site apart from myself, in two prior comments! :P
You shit on JRSR and then "yeah but" Grandma's Boy! How do you want me to respond?
DeleteI'm joking btw
DeleteIt's all good! Have you seen Wristcutters: A Love Story? I think you'd really like it. Definitely recommended to anyone who loves Colossal.
DeleteDumb question but do they show actual wrist cutting? I get queasy when that happens in movies.
DeleteThey don't. I know what you mean, but while there's a particularly funny moment of violence, I'm pretty sure we don't see anyone cutting their own skin, and certainly not in any graphic way. Even given the subject matter of a purgatory for suicides, the movie's really a warm-hearted, comfy friendship/rom-com flick for the most part, with dark/gallows humor used for flavor, rather than the heart of the story itself.
DeleteInternal Affairs (1990) - Richard Gere, Andy Garcia
ReplyDeleteAlive (1993) - Ethan Hawke, Vincent Spano
Blink (1994) - Madeleine Stowe, Aidan Quinn
The Relic (1997) - Penelope Ann Miller, Tom Sizemore
Orange County (2002) - Jack Black, Colin Hanks
The Relic is the most dimly shot movie I've ever seen. It drives me crazy because the movie itself is pretty good.
DeleteIn Metro does a cable car get blown straight up in the air or am I thinking of The Rock?
ReplyDeleteAlso I believe the last Rambo and also Coach Carter came out in January. Great movies...terrible double bill.
Good call on Rambo. I think The Rock has the cable car blown into the air. Metro (if I remember correctly) is a chase on a cable car.
DeleteI think Grandma's Boy is not only the most underrated comedy of the 2000s but one of most quotable movies of all time. My friends & I still quote it to this day. Everything from dude, your bed's a car....New high score, is that bad?....I'm thinking about getting metal legs.....How can he see me?...you can't raise your voice like that when the lion is here...Drive, Monkey Drive!
ReplyDeleteThat's just one's off the top of my head. Like you said it's charming, silly & just a lot of fun. I hate stoner comedies but this movie is great. Also, Was he silent?
Adam,
ReplyDeleteJust watched Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters on your recommendation. Man, is that movie a juggernaut of fun. Legitimately good action, funny (the eventual explanation of Hansel's dramatic thigh injections was my favorite), and I thought their handling of the witch/fantasy aesthetic was actually pretty clever and original when it would have been all to easy to fall into more generic "This isn't your grandma's Hansel and Gretel" territory. This movie needs more champions, and I'm happy to be one now. Thanks for the tip!
Glad you liked it :-) Thanks for commenting.
Deleteit was in a time when CGI had not taken over everything special effects. the fact that the troll is a costume help a lot in my enjoyment of the movie.
Deletethe rest is still pretty darn fun.