J.M. Vargas here. Stupid bot won't let me sign with my usual name! :-( Anywho...Seth Gordon's BAYWATCH (2017, 116 min.) on Hulu for the first time.Dumb TV show starring mediocre-to-bad actors spawns dumb summer popcorn movie starring good actors slumming for a paycheck. Film at 11!With Thomas Lennon (co-writer) and Ivan Reitman (producer) among the filmmakers involved, I had faint hope early on that "Baywatch" would have an ounce of smarts to go with its metric ton of sex appeal and dumb jokes. Instead I got a weird hybrid that is a third parody, a third earnest action/drama and a third raunchy 'R' rated comedy... none of them entertaining on their own, and only sporadically clicking when they rub against each other. Seriously, if the characters point out among themselves how stupid the plots of the original TV show were while they're engaged in an equally-bad-or-worse movie plot of their own, doesn't the clever observation of the former cancel out the latter? Worse, if dumb meant-to-be-unlikable characters (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II's Sergeant Ellerbee and Rob Huebel's Captain Thorpe) rightfully point out that lifeguards have no jurisdiction over stuff that happens outside the beach, are the main heroes justified in doubling down on their illegal actions? Answer: CG dolphins, title credits, pecs, butts, sand, boobs, slow-motion running, peckers, one-liners... rinse, lather, repeat. Are you not entertained and have you not forgotten that pesky fridge logic? Eh, no and hell no!Give Dwayne Johnson one of buff Zac Efron's (fake) gold medals for effort, though. "Baywatch" is a dumb and stupid movie that's well aware of its shortcomings (every other character goes out of their way to remind you), but The Rock and "Hot Wheels" (one of the zillion silly nicknames Mitch calls Brody) sell the hell out of their characters' riches-to-rags-to-shirtless arcs, even though we all know everything will be smiles and slow-motion beach running at the end. And unlike the TV show babes, the actresses in this movie (except for Pam Anderson's mute, ultra-slomo cameo) have charisma and personality to go with their great looks. Lil' acting tip to Priyanka Chopra: it's not progress for female actors to play villains in American blockbusters if your dialogue has to highlight that's your role in story But hey, CJ Parker (Kelly Rohrbach) is slowly charmed by "Hebrew School" white man dancer extraordnaire Ronnie (Jon Bass) while original Mitch (David Hasselhoff) cheers up down-in-the-dumps new Mitch over a Sprint cellular plan pitch. What's not to love? :-(
I tried watching BAYWATCH last month and made it about 10 minutes and couldn't take it anymore.
I like the cinematography. They used good cameras to shoot beach.
It's a pretty-to-look-at movie, and the beach/swimming scenes are to die for. But yep, it's a tone-deaf flick that isn't as funny or clever as it thinks it is. Shame, because Zac Efron is bringing it hard and Dwayne Johnson doing blue material is welcomed after the slew of 'PG-13' safe stuff he's done recently. But hey, it's streaming on both Amazon Prime and Hulu in the States. You could do a lot worse for Beach! Day... cough, Andy Sedaris... cough! ;-P
MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964, dir. William Asher) What would a beach movie day be without a goofy Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello film? Times have indeed changed over fifty years. MUSCLE is a hodgepodge of surfing, music, dancing, romance, and strange comedy involving men at or beyond middle age. The surfers, lead by Frankie, clash with a group of bodybuilders staying in the house next door. Also in the mix is a rich Italian contessa, charmingly played by Luciana Paluzzi, who flits from one man to another on a whim. She is my favorite part of the film. Even as a seasoned veteran of 1960s pop culture, I found this to be a slog to get through. How many times can you watch Candy dance – she is good, though- before it begins to seem like filler? As a cinematic artifact, Muscle Beach Party is hard to criticize. It was and remains cinematic fluff aimed at baby-boom teenagers. I at least liked parts of it.
I tried watching a film I found on television, WILD ON THE BEACH from 1965, this morning. Wow, that was lame. I got about halfway through before turning it off. No wild or beach involved, but you do get to see Sonny and Cher for a few minutes. Yippee!
The 60s beach movies are a huge holw for me. It is an area I need to organized and track down they sound delightful.
Hard Ticket to Hawaii - it's not paradise all the time. (1987 - dir Andy Sedaris)What did I just watch?!? I'm not sure how to process this. Did Sedaris go out of his way to make a terrible movie, or a great movie with frisbies as a leathal weapon or bazookas on the beach, and what ever that snake was. I don't know. I don't know what up or down is. This is a movie that has two naked playmates in a hot tub and it passes the beckdale test. WTF. I wasn't in the right mood for this movie. I should have had cocktails and a Pizza but I had a salad and it took me at least an hour to get into the spirit. But I still had to find the How Did This Get Made episode to try and sort this movie out.
I mean the bechdel test.
Hard Ticket to Hawaii is very much a late-nite weekend type of film: sit in the dark, get a drink, and enjoy the nonsense on the TV. I have watched parts of Hard Ticket and a couple of other films from Sidaris, and the context they are watched in affects the reaction to them. Andy Sidaris was an interesting fellow. Before he started making movies, he was a pioneer of sports broadcasting in the United States. Monday Night Football- a long-time American sports institution- was one the programs he worked on.
The scene with the jeep, rocket launcher, handstand guy on skateboard, and the blow-up doll is one of the greatest achievements in film.
I would not have thought to hide a gun a blow up doll - but its not a terrible idea. And the fact they blew up the doll is kind of magnificent - I need to watch this movie again.Yeah Sedaris is interesting he won multipal Emmys.
Malibu Beach (1978)The beach, refers, rock music and lots of topless girls. No plot to speak of, and some good old male chauvinism. I think this fits the exploitations genre just great. Apparently it’s a sequel to The Van (1978), which I need to find.One thing I never get in American movies, not just in this one, is how much drunk driving they show. None of those teenagers should have been driving
Malibu High (1979, dir. Irv Berwick, First Time Viewing) Jill Lansing in her only role plays a high school student who begins seducing her teachers for better grades. Things escalate quickly. Definitely the most exploitation-y movie I've seen so far this month. It's really sleazy, but it really goes for it. The last scene on the beach is pretty mind-blowing.
Jaws 2 (1978)This sort of counts as a beach movie, right? I'll say it does. Jaws 2 isn't as interested in creating the atmosphere or memorable characters that make the original so endlessly rewatchable. It instead turns the shark into a slasher villain, ultimately just making this like any other animal attack film. It's a decent one, but pales in comparison to its predecessor.
Spring Break (1983)Picked up that '80s Overdrive box set a month or two back and it had 3 Beach/Spring Break themed movies in it, so it seemed like a good opportunity to watch one. This has everything you'd expect from a generic '80s comedy but with no stars, and no particularly memorable moments or dialogue. The only somewhat notable thing I can say about it is that it was directed by Friday the 13th director Sean S. Cunningham.
For what it's worth, I had the exact same reaction and I feel like that's the weakest movie in that set. Hopefully you enjoy the others more.
I bought this same set, but have only watched Hard Bodies out of it so far (I've seen The Legend of Billie Jean previously). I probably should have picked something out of that instead of Jaws 2.
I saw Legend of Billie Jean a ton as a kid (although I don't know if I've ever seen it all the way from the beginning) so the set is already at least partly worth it. And of course one of the great things about Junesploitation is that even if you watch something that's not great one day, there's plenty more opportunities during the month. I've got some double features line up for the next Free Space and Martial Arts day that I'm particularly excited about.
This movie was released the day I was born and was #1 at the box office that weekend. I’ve never seen it and reading this doesn’t make me want to change that.
Jaws III (1983)It’s barely a beach movie at all if I’m honest, the beaches are in the Seaworld theme park and are rarely seen. I don’t understand why they had to keep a representative of the Brody family in each of these movies it adds little to the story bar some bit of name recognition for the viewer. Denis Quade plays the role of eldest Brody son, Mike, who hasn’t let the effects of the previous 2 movies get to him. It seems a little strange however that he is dating a woman who looks a lot like his mother here so maybe an Oedipus complex is his PTSD.Theres very little to write about it’s just a bad movie that never really delivers any bit of tension. The special effects used to make it 3D look really bad and even though this was made 8 years after the original with a bigger budget the shark looks more fake here.
Sunset Cove (1978)Save Our Beach!! It's partying teens vs. greedy developers in a fight to the death! Just kidding. No death. Just boobs and a hilariously out of tune soundtrack. Like seriously, the tape machine was either needing maintenance or the band was having a collective stroke. Watch 'The Beach Girls' instead.
Back to the Beach (1987)Ok, that was a total blast. Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello head to California to visit their daughter only to get caught up in the same kind of innocently “wild” shenanigans they did in the ‘60s. Lots of surfing, silliness, cameos and hair jokes ensue. So many hair jokes. There’s a sweetness to the ‘60s beach party movies that they do their best to bring to the significantly less sweet ‘80s here, and for the most part they’re successful. Some of it comes across as overly winky, but that’s not a bad thing. Everyone appears to be having an infectiously good time, and any movie that manages to showcase Don Adams, Pee Wee Herman, and Fishbone is ok by me.
Loved Back to the Beach as a kid and not just because I had a hair helmet going from time to time.
Great movie! And another Fishbone sighting during Junesploitation! Now, how can we work in Tapeheads (1988) where they appear as a country & western band called Ranchbone?
BLUE CRUSH (1998) Documentary about female surfers. There’s some talk about what surfing means to them and the history of surfing, but mostly it’s a travelogue and a lot of surf footage set to a bunch of songs. It’s rough and sloppily made, lacking the flashy you’re-inside-the-wave photography these movies usually have. But people who love surfing will likely love this. BLUE CRUSH (2002) A surfer girl dreams of becoming one of the world’s greatest surfers, but must get the bills paid in the meantime. The drama, the romance, and the humor are all mild, but I doubt the target audience will care. Cinematographers have gotten really good at filming surfing over the years, and the movie makes the fantasy of the 24/7 surf lifestyle look sexy and adventurous. BLUE CRUSH 2 (2002) A surfer girl travels to South Africa in hopes of recreating the surfing trip her mother once took. I guess the filmmakers realized that “a girl wants to go surfing” isn’t much of a plot, so the movie later introduces some father/daughter drama and some conflict with the locals. There’s even a crime thriller scene where thugs chase our heroine through the city streets, and then this is never mentioned again. But mostly, it’s more of the surf lifestyle fantasy, but a little smaller and less glossy than the first movie.
D'oh! BLUE CRUSH 2 was 2011, not 2002.
Neither "BC" movie was made by Roger Corman, so of course the sequel couldn't come out the same year as the original. :-)
The Sand (2015) Dir: Isaac GabaeffRandom Prime watch. This was actually surprisingly decent. Single location horror about a group of college students strapped on a beach by a giant monster under the sand. It won't be unusual to anyone who's seen Tremors or Creepshow 2, but it's well paced, the characters have just enough personality to not be completely boring, and director Gabaeff knows how to effectively build tension. The only complaint I have is unfortunately, like a lot of smaller horror movies, they didn't have either the money or the skill for practical effects so instead we get some really dodgy CGI that undercuts some of the tension. All in all though I quite enjoyed it and think it's worth a watch.
I watched this a few days ago and surprisingly decent is spot on. The CGI wasn't great but it didn't bother me. I loved the girl that was in the back seat of the car. Everything she said was golden.
Sizzle Beach USA AKA Malibu Hot Summer (1981)Three women who bond over a broken bathroom doorknob leave for California to find romance, careers, heartbreak and barely wear anything. Throw in a car chase, a holdup and a singning contest and you've got a stew going. There's sometimes a beach and waves in the background.Although Kevin Costner is in this, he sits on exactly 0 bench.
The Beach Girls (1982) Dir: Bud TownsendI mean, it is what it is right? You kinda go into a movie like this knowing what to expect. Typical Crown International beach movie about two girls who go to her uptight friend's beach house, acquire a large amount of weed, and spend 90 minutes partying and getting naked. Movies like this are fairly review proof, so I'll just say it delivers on what it promises and it's not overwhelmingly sleazy. If you like this sort of movie you'll like this one. Plus it stars a Real Housewife and Greg Marmalard as a guitar playing hippy.
I love how Uncle Carl came back and initially disapproved of the party. But then not 5 minutes later he's like "screw it", and is just partying with 2 topless girls on his arm for the rest of the movie. The viewer just has to "have fun with it", because that's all the characters in the movie are doing. Also, props for having male nudity as well.
Computer Beach Party (1987, dir. Gary Troy)Yeah, so this was a total mess. Kind of a fascinating mess, though.A nerdy teen falls in love, organizes a beach party, installs a jet engine to his car, organizes another beach party, helps his friend win a sail buggy race, and outwits the corrupt mayor and his henchman Turk. And he manages all that because he owns a computer that does whatever any particular scene requires.Extended musical sequences pad the runtime nicely. There's at least 20 minutes of music in this movie where nothing else is happening on screen. Oh, and there's a totally unconnected subplot about a bumbling cop trying to catch a guy who keeps having sex with different girls on the beach, but the cop gets interrupted every time by a car with a giant chicken on its roof.But the thing that leaps out at you the most is the ADR. Every line is (badly) dubbed, but they didn't stop at that. There's not a second's silence in this movie. A car drives past the camera, it's overlaid with inconsequential dialogue from the passengers. The main characters visit a store, both constantly talk nonsense over each other, whether their mouths move on the screen or not. It also sounded to me like the characters switch voices several times in the movie, as in several different people ADR'd lines spoken by the same character. It's really bizarre and off-putting.My favorite thing in the whole movie was a black screen with text in the middle of the movie, addressing the audience and saying "The mayor now knows that Turk is a fool. We have elected not to show the violence resulting from this discovery. - The producers". Yeah, that actually happens.
North Shore (1987):This movie tore it up. Those sequence rips were really shredding. Stay loose, haole.
Malibu High (1979) Dir: Irvin BerwickThis is...something. Not nearly as beach oriented as the cover or title would have you believe, I'm not even sure it meets the theme. But I watched it dammit, so I'm reviewing it.The literal worst person ever starts failing her classes so she turns to prostitution and things escalate from there. Like Matt said above, this is exploitation as all hell, but I'm not sure who it's for. It's neither a "shocking expose" into teen prostitution or fun, bonkers piece of trash. It's just kind of a miserably shot and acted movie about miserable people. Can't recommend it.
I can’t argue with your evaluation, but you aren’t going to forget this movie any time soon, right? That means something. It’s a light recommend for me. Maybe more appropriate on High School day.
You're right, I definitely won't forget it any time soon! So by that measure it is definitely something of a success. And there are definitely people who will get more joy put of it than me, which is what thosmontht is all about. So I'll change my review from not recommended to just not for me. There is definitely fun to be had if you're in the right mood.
South Beach Academy (1996)Feldmansploitation? Feldmansploitation.Al Lewis forever.
This is what I watched too, and I regretted it pretty quickly when Feldman does a Beavis and Butthead impression in his first scene. The ‘90s! Also why do the last 10 minutes turn into Red Shoe Diaries? Not a high point of the month for me.
The Descendants (2011, dir. Payne)First time watch. Some of my favourite actors are here: Clooney, Matthew Lillard, Judy Greer, Shailene Woodley. That, combined with the beautiful locations and the quiet writing makes it a movie I just loved spending time with.
Nice pick. Robert Forster's hospital outburst, then his quiet demeanor afterward is an acting reel highlight.
Teen Beach Movie (2013)This was the first time my kids participated in Junesploitation! We went with TEEN BEACH MOVIE, a staple in the Pomaro household. It's not a great movie, probably not even a good movie, but the music kicks ass and it's a lot of fun.
The Beach Girls (1982, dir. Bud Townsend)Alright, I admit it. Beach day was the day I was least looking forward to, but I went ahead and gave the genre a shot. Turns out I had a pretty good time. This is an incredibly corny and ridiculous movie, but everyone in it is having fun. As innocent as partying with drugs and alcohol can be, the whole thing felt very innocent. Even Uncle Carl didn't seem creepy. I enjoyed myself!#NudityandStupidity
I've definitely seen worse movies. Like to said it's almost innocent for a movie with so many drugs and so much nudity. It's refreshing in it's lack of skeezyness. And Uncle Carl was actually a great character!
Piranha (1978)Not really as much of a beach film as I expected. It looks like only one sequence might take place at a beach. Piranha is often written off as a Jaws rip off, but I was surprised by its quality.I think a lot of the reasons why I really enjoyed this movie rests on Joe Dante's shoulders. I cared about the characters that were introduced and the film has its fair share of tense moments.
The Shallows (2016)I hated this upon first watch. I thought it was okay this time around. Glad Junesploitation gave me a reason to revisit it.
It gave me a very unexpectedly wonderful time at the theater. I have no interest in revisiting it at home, I think it was a perfect theater watch for that moment.
Blood Beach (1981)And just like that, the Summer of Saxon is back on. A compelling little creature feature with a solid romance at the middle - between Saxon and Burt "Don't Call Me Paulie" Young, of course. Were there any other actors?Love how the influences were on the aleeve, too, especially with the cute nods to Jaws and the rip offs after. Would've appreciated one less "In Chicago..." line from Paulie, but honestly it was all worth it for the John Daley line at the end. Would recommend for a perfect midnight movie.
Point Break (1991)Love this movie. Hate Bodhi. He sucks.
A great movie, indeed. Bodhi is a terrible guy, but he is quite a persuasive talker. Patrick Swayze surprised me in, in a good way, in Point Break.
Patrick Swayze is super good in this. But I had forgotten how much I despise his character haha.
After falling behind a bit, I rewatched a couple movies with one eye while doing other stuff. Beach Day - Baywatch (2017) - rewatchI still like this movie. My thoughts are roughly the same as Mr. Vargas above. Although I wish it was just running on the beach, saving people, and cracking jokes. The detective/mystery part of the plot drags it down.Cars Day - xXx (2002) - rewatchIt's easily watchable, and fun. Mr. Diesel is having a blast here, and it's contagious to the viewer.Italian Horror - Bay of Blood (1971) - first watchI watched most of this last Saturday, but finished today. Not the best way to watch a movie! It's wonderful to see all the things that would later influence slasher movies.
BUFORD'S BEACH BUNNIES (1993)Back in the 1990s I watched a cable program called Up All Night on Saturday nights. Mr. Bromley has brought it up a few times. This program showed sex comedies, horror films, and other B-movie oddities of the period. One of the titles from that program I have not forgotten is the name of this particular flick. (Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town is still best title, though. I should track that one down.)A search on Youtube turned up a VHS version of Buford's Beach Bunnies. I was curious, so I settled in for a watch. Ugh, not a good idea. This is a dreadful film. The general story is about the son of an owner of a fast-food eatery- in the vein of Hooters- who goes into convulsions whenever a woman touches him. The father wants his son to be a "real man" by experiencing the pleasures of a woman and offers the attractive employees of his restaurant a bounty for sleeping with his son. The film is immensely crass and stupid, with humor that frequently borders on obnoxiousness. The fat jokes directed at one of the characters, in particular, are more than a little hateful. The one point of interest was the casting of Jim Hanks, Tom's brother, as the lead. Jim looks and a sounds like his brother.
Oh man I remember this one. I think I saw this on Joe Bob's Drive-in on TMC. I remember it was not good but can't remember much else. Sounds like I don't need to revisit it.
Last movie of the dayBaywatch (2017) Dir: Seth GordonNot much to add to what has already been said. Count me in the didn't like camp. The Rock and Zac Efron trying to drag this to likeability are the only things that made it bearable. I watch two, TWO, Percy Jackson movies for Alexandra Daddario but this was a struggle. I've certainly seen worse movies but this was a no go for me. It made me really appreciate 21 Jump Street even more than I already did.
Blood Beach (1981) “Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the water you can’t get to it”John Saxon rocks.
Haven't you heard the news from Stuart Gore-don? The Summer of Saxon rolls on. ;-)
Time to sit back, relax, and order a Sax on the beach.
Sexy sax music + Sax on the beach = too much of a good sax thing. :-P
Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)Holy shit. How have I never seen this movie until now? This movie is legitimately what every modern director attempting to do exploitation only wishes they could recreate. This is everything I love about “bad” movies but it’s made with a level of earnestness that’s almost endearing. For as trashy as this movie is, you can tell most everyone had a blast while filming. The DIY, low budget nature is done so tongue-in-cheek that it’s almost literally breaking the fourth wall to tell the audience, “don’t worry about THAT, look at THIS!”. Fake snake subplot, lots of gratuitous nudity, bulletproof blonde heroines and bad-joke ninja boys, unlimited ammo clips, bad dialogue, and a frisbee covered in razor blades make this trash flick a massively fun time.
Beach Girls (1982) Earlier in his career, this director, Bud Townsend Aka Pat Townsend (?) directed a porn version of Alice in Wonderland. Knowing that I can tell that he really really really wanted this to be a porno...like really.