DEATH SPA (1989, 89 min.) on Amazon Rental (same HD transfer of Arrow Blu-ray) for the first time.Most Troma movie that Troma never made.orPretorius's pituitary gland doubles as delicious asparagus.
Dario Argento's SUSPIRIA: 4K RESTORATION (1977/2017, 92 min.) at New York's IFC Center for the first time."I wanted GUMMY bears, not GOOEY worms!"
LIZZIE (2018, 106 min.) in theaters for the first time."Mary Reilly" with topless, ax-wielding hot chicks.
The hills have eyes (1977) Aka SlagterbandenJuicy baby fat. The Breakfast for champions.
The ills have eyes – Part II (1984)Even the damn dog has a flashbackOrThe following film is based on fact!?!
The Void (2016, Dirs. Jeremy Gillespie & Steven Kostanski)All newborns look the same to me.
Carnival of Souls (1962)Thirsty guys are creepier than organ music.
Mom and Dad (2018)"Needs less infanticide and more hokey pokey."
Invaders From Mars (1986)And it was all a... oh, wait...
Holidays (2016)Anthology and the Wasp with no sting.
MONKEY SHINES (1988)Best car accident scene ever...hands down.
THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008)Man I wish this had practical effects.
Child's Play (1988)(Doll) kids are so profane these days.
Sinister 2 (2015)Disappointing sequel is just So and So
The Devil's CandySpoiler: it's not sugar-free gummy bears
Nightmare Beach (1988)Those Summer Dollars taken to inordinate degree
Or The Exterminator doesn't approve of Spring Break
Mad Ron’s Previews from Hell (1987) Great trailers, but skip the ventriloquist act.
Tales of Halloween (2015)Cartoon sound effects punctuate Bostwick's satanic silliness.
I Am Not A Serial Killer (2016)Panda-faced psychopath pursues alien organ thief.
Creepshow (1982)Hal Holbrook delights as emasculated house husband
PHANTASM (1979)Thank goodness the Jawas found another gig!
Dracula Reborn (2012)Dracula starring a Party City Udo Kier
It Follows (2014) Murderous old lady pees herself en route.
Zombie (1979) TOPLESS SCUBADIVE!!!Oh...and zombie versus shark.Cannibalistic Caribbean Corpses Consume Chliched Character Cadre.Dead Deviants Devour Dubiously Dubbed Damsels, Dudes.Fulci films flatlined fiend fighting fanged fish.
Head (2015 & 2018)Low-budget puppet slasher(with puppet boobs).
The Ritual (2017)Why didn't Rafe Spall open the Bifrost?
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)A Charlie Kaufman nightmare brought to life.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)Way less one-liners than I anticipated
Puppet Master (1989) Definitely the most aesthetically unpleasant movie yet
Pay the Ghost (2015)Netlix random pick- chill Cage, Ghost witch.
Hold the Dark (2018) Meekus post-explosion in lesser version of Wind River.
Harbinger Down (2015)Subscribe to the StudioADI YouTube channel instead
Tromeo and Juliet (1996)Did the Disney execs even watch this?
Crimson Peak (2015)A sanguine tale?
...go on.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989, dir. Dominique Othenin-Girard)I know Rachel. Tina is no Rachel.
The Editor (2014, dir. Adam Brooks & Matthew Kennedy) A gift for lovers of Italian horror.
Need to revisit. Was super let down on first watch cause of how "jokey" it was.
Hellraiser (1986)Uncle in a box. Some assembly required.
The Mutilator 1984goofy kids, perky tits, pointy sticks, recommended!
Mom (1991)"Get off my victims....um, my lawn!!"
Little Evil (2017, dir. Eli Craig)How did Mark Jones not direct this?
SUSPIRIA (1977)Blue, red, and green. Such beautiful colors. Or Suzy walks out into strange music land.THE CHURCH (1989)Like other Italian horror, a strong beginning. OrWho knew cathedral builders were such engineers?
Sorority Row (2009)A universe where rotting corpses don't smell.orHell, I want to kill these c**ts....or"Yeah, we're a 'remake'! See? The Cane!"
Friday the 13th (2009)Scariest moment for me: Trent's dialogue. Stupendous.
Lust for a Vampire (1971)No pity for this Ingrid Pitt-less film
Fear (1990)It's mostly psychic Ally Sheedy describing stuff.
Red (2008)Brian Cox should go all Hannibal Lecter.
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)She really could get some more sunshine.orGore? Nudity? Great! Was the cat necessary?
The Sentinel (1977)Slice! Got your nose! Got your nose!
Tales From the Hood 2 (2018)Gee, sure didn't see that ending coming.
It Follows (2014)Maybe try telling it to smile more?
Pyewacket (2017, dir. Adam MacDonald)Here's why I never trust forest demons.
The Purge: Election Year (2016)Hot politicians are always the good ones
Simon, King of the Witches (1971)Warlock stymied by flooding, finances, and bureaucracy.
Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)Say "Autumn people" because "carnies" is offensive.
Tragedy Girls (2017)Friends that slay together, stay together #likeandfavorite
Night of the Lepus (1972)Well, JB did try to warn me.
Child's Play (1988)Not for me.
How come? You have 4 words left.
DIARY OF A MADMAN (1963)Tormented Vincent Price, beautiful Technicolor, red paint.OrMore drama than horror, might disappoint some.
Haunters: The Art of the Scare (2017)Alternate Title: Portrait of Marriages in Trouble.
Hatchet (2006)Notorious hatchet killer crushes heads with hands.
Campfire Tales (1997)So, Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Outpost: Black Sun (2012)Forgot I watched this, and it's.... fine.
Shaun of the Dead (2004 - Edgar Wright)All you need is one loyal friend.
Nightbeast (1982):Rural municipality doesn't observe 180 degree rule.
The Soultangler (1987)Wait...I was told drugs were awesome.
The Nun (2018)Sister's pissed....and having nun of it.
LoL
X Ray a/k/a Hospital Massacre, Ward 13 & Be My Valentine...or ELSE (1981)Zero exposition or Comet TV hatchet job?
Yamamoto Eri becomes Recoverability Zero (2016)Slow buildup to last minute fetus devouring.
Child's Play (1988)My Buddy dolls were just as creepy
The Strangers (2008)"Because you were home" is creepiness everlasting.
Pet Sematary (1989)Ayuh, mostly just a doctor dad digging.
The Wolf Man (1941)Hey, they forgot to iron the sky!
The Cleanse (2018)"Johnny Galecki berths then kills Roseanne Barr."
Nice... and timely! :-P
Haha! Thanks
Cheerleader Camp (1987)Social Justice Warriors Video Nasties film #39.
This comment has been removed by the author.
House on Haunted Hill (1999)More an Indecent Proposal reimagining than horror.
Creepshow (1982)Upson Pratt must have swallowed some Stonehenge.
Terrifier (2017) Hey, where's Hank Dolworth and Britt Pollack?
Tourist Trap (1979)Do you like the crackers? I do!
Hell Fest (2018)I want a sequel, Lost In Italy.
You mean Lost in Spain?
Ghosthouse aka La Casa 3 (1988)This clown keeps trying to touch me.
Love this one and the entire La Casa series .
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)More bad notes than Zodiac. *sad trombone*
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)Thank the good lord for Joe Dante.
Little Evil (2017)Great cast, good premise, but bad script.
Haunters: The Art of the Scare (2017) These people are in jail now, right?
Slither (2006)Tentacle weiners more disturbing today than ever.
Devil (2010): Four faced one...And there were none.
The Purge (2013):Campaign against legality of painted smiles today!
Darkness Falls (2003) Tooth fairy terrorizes teen in tiny town
The Void (2016)Who says that all babies are precious?
DeepStar Six (1989)Ineptitude, not creature, is the true killer.
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)This Dracula feasts on ham and cheese.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)"I'm envious of director's name!" - Mark Jones
Rush Week (1989) Examining the psychology of horror... DUDE, KEGGER!!!
Blood Feast (1963)For Sale: Arrow Blood Feast blu-ray - cheap!
Mom and DadCount Chocula can make any movie enjoyable.
The Howling (1981)Wolf brand chili, it's a real thing!
PRACTICAL MAGIC.Love conquers all. Except being an asshole.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)Dammit Milos, you had one friggin job!
Creep (2014)Really creepy thing? Those are all Betamax.
Goosebumps (2015) - The twist: everyone disappears for the sequel
The Phantom of the Opera (1925)Chaney out-acts entire cast while wearing MASK
Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)Such big choices, such a tiny net
Sorority House Massacre (1986)It's Halloween but if John Carpenter sucked.
Ginger Snaps (2000)Lycanthropy: A Guide to Your Changing Body
The People Under the Stairs (1991)I uploaded my digital copy into Robo-Patriot.
Tales from the Hood 2 (2018)Only one tale is in the hood.
Hell House LLC II: The Abandoned Hotel (2018)No worries, this house has limited liability.
Nightmares (1983)Christina Raines is smoking hot…you know?orI see how Esteves got Maximum Overdrive.
AnnihilationShould have brought a DNA-refracted pic-a-nic basket.
The Prowler (1981)80's slasher elevated by Savini gore effects.
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004, dir. Renny Harlin)"Let's get Harlin to Finnish the movie."
-golf clapping, Orson Welles standing up!- :-D
Massage Parlor Murders (1973)Vinegar Syndrome, so more massage than murder.
Ginger Snaps (2000): Female rage is really cathartic right now.Friday the 13th Part V: The best part: Heather and Patrick commentary.
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)Worst background noise movie ever. Demands attention.
or Taika Waititi, national treasure? Nay, human treasure.
Hereditary (2018)More like Gabriel BURN, am i right?
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)Only 3 channels? Just kill me now.
FINAL EXAM (1981):An empty garden with one succulent Radish.
Tales From The Crypt (1972)My latest art exhibition: ‘razor blade wall’
Psychomania (1973)Ghoulish gang goes gangbusters gallantly grinding gears.
DEATH SPA (1989, 89 min.) on Amazon Rental (same HD transfer of Arrow Blu-ray) for the first time.
ReplyDeleteMost Troma movie that Troma never made.
or
Pretorius's pituitary gland doubles as delicious asparagus.
Dario Argento's SUSPIRIA: 4K RESTORATION (1977/2017, 92 min.) at New York's IFC Center for the first time.
ReplyDelete"I wanted GUMMY bears, not GOOEY worms!"
LIZZIE (2018, 106 min.) in theaters for the first time.
ReplyDelete"Mary Reilly" with topless, ax-wielding hot chicks.
The hills have eyes (1977) Aka Slagterbanden
ReplyDeleteJuicy baby fat. The Breakfast for champions.
The ills have eyes – Part II (1984)
ReplyDeleteEven the damn dog has a flashback
Or
The following film is based on fact!?!
The Void (2016, Dirs. Jeremy Gillespie & Steven Kostanski)
ReplyDeleteAll newborns look the same to me.
Carnival of Souls (1962)
ReplyDeleteThirsty guys are creepier than organ music.
Mom and Dad (2018)
ReplyDelete"Needs less infanticide and more hokey pokey."
Invaders From Mars (1986)
ReplyDeleteAnd it was all a... oh, wait...
Holidays (2016)
ReplyDeleteAnthology and the Wasp with no sting.
MONKEY SHINES (1988)
ReplyDeleteBest car accident scene ever...hands down.
THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008)
ReplyDeleteMan I wish this had practical effects.
Child's Play (1988)
ReplyDelete(Doll) kids are so profane these days.
Sinister 2 (2015)
ReplyDeleteDisappointing sequel is just So and So
The Devil's Candy
ReplyDeleteSpoiler: it's not sugar-free gummy bears
Nightmare Beach (1988)
ReplyDeleteThose Summer Dollars taken to inordinate degree
Or
DeleteThe Exterminator doesn't approve of Spring Break
Mad Ron’s Previews from Hell (1987)
ReplyDeleteGreat trailers, but skip the ventriloquist act.
Tales of Halloween (2015)
ReplyDeleteCartoon sound effects punctuate Bostwick's satanic silliness.
I Am Not A Serial Killer (2016)
ReplyDeletePanda-faced psychopath pursues alien organ thief.
Creepshow (1982)
ReplyDeleteHal Holbrook delights as emasculated house husband
PHANTASM (1979)
ReplyDeleteThank goodness the Jawas found another gig!
Dracula Reborn (2012)
ReplyDeleteDracula starring a Party City Udo Kier
It Follows (2014)
ReplyDeleteMurderous old lady pees herself en route.
Zombie (1979)
ReplyDeleteTOPLESS SCUBADIVE!!!
Oh...and zombie versus shark.
Cannibalistic Caribbean Corpses Consume Chliched Character Cadre.
Dead Deviants Devour Dubiously Dubbed Damsels, Dudes.
Fulci films flatlined fiend fighting fanged fish.
Head (2015 & 2018)
ReplyDeleteLow-budget puppet slasher(with puppet boobs).
The Ritual (2017)
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't Rafe Spall open the Bifrost?
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
ReplyDeleteA Charlie Kaufman nightmare brought to life.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
ReplyDeleteWay less one-liners than I anticipated
Puppet Master (1989)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely the most aesthetically unpleasant movie yet
Pay the Ghost (2015)
ReplyDeleteNetlix random pick- chill Cage, Ghost witch.
Hold the Dark (2018)
ReplyDeleteMeekus post-explosion in lesser version of Wind River.
Harbinger Down (2015)
ReplyDeleteSubscribe to the StudioADI YouTube channel instead
Tromeo and Juliet (1996)
ReplyDeleteDid the Disney execs even watch this?
Crimson Peak (2015)
ReplyDeleteA sanguine tale?
...go on.
DeleteHalloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989, dir. Dominique Othenin-Girard)
ReplyDeleteI know Rachel. Tina is no Rachel.
The Editor (2014, dir. Adam Brooks & Matthew Kennedy) A gift for lovers of Italian horror.
ReplyDeleteNeed to revisit. Was super let down on first watch cause of how "jokey" it was.
DeleteHellraiser (1986)
ReplyDeleteUncle in a box. Some assembly required.
The Mutilator 1984
ReplyDeletegoofy kids, perky tits, pointy sticks, recommended!
Mom (1991)
ReplyDelete"Get off my victims....um, my lawn!!"
Little Evil (2017, dir. Eli Craig)
ReplyDeleteHow did Mark Jones not direct this?
SUSPIRIA (1977)
ReplyDeleteBlue, red, and green. Such beautiful colors.
Or
Suzy walks out into strange music land.
THE CHURCH (1989)
Like other Italian horror, a strong beginning.
Or
Who knew cathedral builders were such engineers?
Sorority Row (2009)
ReplyDeleteA universe where rotting corpses don't smell.
or
Hell, I want to kill these c**ts....
or
"Yeah, we're a 'remake'! See? The Cane!"
Friday the 13th (2009)
ReplyDeleteScariest moment for me: Trent's dialogue. Stupendous.
Lust for a Vampire (1971)
ReplyDeleteNo pity for this Ingrid Pitt-less film
Fear (1990)
ReplyDeleteIt's mostly psychic Ally Sheedy describing stuff.
Red (2008)
ReplyDeleteBrian Cox should go all Hannibal Lecter.
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)
ReplyDeleteShe really could get some more sunshine.
or
Gore? Nudity? Great! Was the cat necessary?
The Sentinel (1977)
ReplyDeleteSlice! Got your nose! Got your nose!
Tales From the Hood 2 (2018)
ReplyDeleteGee, sure didn't see that ending coming.
It Follows (2014)
ReplyDeleteMaybe try telling it to smile more?
Pyewacket (2017, dir. Adam MacDonald)
ReplyDeleteHere's why I never trust forest demons.
The Purge: Election Year (2016)
ReplyDeleteHot politicians are always the good ones
Simon, King of the Witches (1971)
ReplyDeleteWarlock stymied by flooding, finances, and bureaucracy.
Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)
ReplyDeleteSay "Autumn people" because "carnies" is offensive.
Tragedy Girls (2017)
ReplyDeleteFriends that slay together, stay together #likeandfavorite
Night of the Lepus (1972)
ReplyDeleteWell, JB did try to warn me.
Child's Play (1988)
ReplyDeleteNot for me.
How come? You have 4 words left.
DeleteDIARY OF A MADMAN (1963)
ReplyDeleteTormented Vincent Price, beautiful Technicolor, red paint.
Or
More drama than horror, might disappoint some.
Haunters: The Art of the Scare (2017)
ReplyDeleteAlternate Title: Portrait of Marriages in Trouble.
Hatchet (2006)
ReplyDeleteNotorious hatchet killer crushes heads with hands.
Campfire Tales (1997)
ReplyDeleteSo, Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Outpost: Black Sun (2012)
ReplyDeleteForgot I watched this, and it's.... fine.
Shaun of the Dead (2004 - Edgar Wright)
ReplyDeleteAll you need is one loyal friend.
Nightbeast (1982):
ReplyDeleteRural municipality doesn't observe 180 degree rule.
The Soultangler (1987)
ReplyDeleteWait...I was told drugs were awesome.
The Nun (2018)
ReplyDeleteSister's pissed....and having nun of it.
LoL
DeleteX Ray a/k/a Hospital Massacre, Ward 13 & Be My Valentine...or ELSE (1981)
ReplyDeleteZero exposition or Comet TV hatchet job?
Yamamoto Eri becomes Recoverability Zero (2016)
ReplyDeleteSlow buildup to last minute fetus devouring.
Child's Play (1988)
ReplyDeleteMy Buddy dolls were just as creepy
The Strangers (2008)
ReplyDelete"Because you were home" is creepiness everlasting.
Pet Sematary (1989)
ReplyDeleteAyuh, mostly just a doctor dad digging.
The Wolf Man (1941)
ReplyDeleteHey, they forgot to iron the sky!
The Cleanse (2018)
ReplyDelete"Johnny Galecki berths then kills Roseanne Barr."
Nice... and timely! :-P
DeleteHaha! Thanks
DeleteCheerleader Camp (1987)
ReplyDeleteSocial Justice Warriors Video Nasties film #39.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHouse on Haunted Hill (1999)
ReplyDeleteMore an Indecent Proposal reimagining than horror.
Creepshow (1982)
ReplyDeleteUpson Pratt must have swallowed some Stonehenge.
Terrifier (2017)
ReplyDeleteHey, where's Hank Dolworth and Britt Pollack?
Tourist Trap (1979)
ReplyDeleteDo you like the crackers? I do!
Hell Fest (2018)
ReplyDeleteI want a sequel, Lost In Italy.
You mean Lost in Spain?
DeleteGhosthouse aka La Casa 3 (1988)
ReplyDeleteThis clown keeps trying to touch me.
Love this one and the entire La Casa series .
DeleteThe Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)
ReplyDeleteMore bad notes than Zodiac. *sad trombone*
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)
ReplyDeleteThank the good lord for Joe Dante.
Little Evil (2017)
ReplyDeleteGreat cast, good premise, but bad script.
Haunters: The Art of the Scare (2017)
ReplyDeleteThese people are in jail now, right?
Slither (2006)
ReplyDeleteTentacle weiners more disturbing today than ever.
Devil (2010):
ReplyDeleteFour faced one...
And there were none.
The Purge (2013):
ReplyDeleteCampaign against legality of painted smiles today!
Darkness Falls (2003)
ReplyDeleteTooth fairy terrorizes teen in tiny town
The Void (2016)
ReplyDeleteWho says that all babies are precious?
DeepStar Six (1989)
ReplyDeleteIneptitude, not creature, is the true killer.
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
ReplyDeleteThis Dracula feasts on ham and cheese.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
ReplyDelete"I'm envious of director's name!" - Mark Jones
Rush Week (1989)
ReplyDeleteExamining the psychology of horror... DUDE, KEGGER!!!
Blood Feast (1963)
ReplyDeleteFor Sale: Arrow Blood Feast blu-ray - cheap!
Mom and Dad
ReplyDeleteCount Chocula can make any movie enjoyable.
The Howling (1981)
ReplyDeleteWolf brand chili, it's a real thing!
PRACTICAL MAGIC.
ReplyDeleteLove conquers all. Except being an asshole.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
ReplyDeleteDammit Milos, you had one friggin job!
Creep (2014)
ReplyDeleteReally creepy thing? Those are all Betamax.
Goosebumps (2015) - The twist: everyone disappears for the sequel
ReplyDeleteThe Phantom of the Opera (1925)
ReplyDeleteChaney out-acts entire cast while wearing MASK
Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)
ReplyDeleteSuch big choices, such a tiny net
Sorority House Massacre (1986)
ReplyDeleteIt's Halloween but if John Carpenter sucked.
Ginger Snaps (2000)
ReplyDeleteLycanthropy: A Guide to Your Changing Body
The People Under the Stairs (1991)
ReplyDeleteI uploaded my digital copy into Robo-Patriot.
Tales from the Hood 2 (2018)
ReplyDeleteOnly one tale is in the hood.
Hell House LLC II: The Abandoned Hotel (2018)
ReplyDeleteNo worries, this house has limited liability.
Nightmares (1983)
ReplyDeleteChristina Raines is smoking hot…you know?
or
I see how Esteves got Maximum Overdrive.
Annihilation
ReplyDeleteShould have brought a DNA-refracted pic-a-nic basket.
The Prowler (1981)
ReplyDelete80's slasher elevated by Savini gore effects.
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004, dir. Renny Harlin)
ReplyDelete"Let's get Harlin to Finnish the movie."
-golf clapping, Orson Welles standing up!- :-D
DeleteMassage Parlor Murders (1973)
ReplyDeleteVinegar Syndrome, so more massage than murder.
Ginger Snaps (2000): Female rage is really cathartic right now.
ReplyDeleteFriday the 13th Part V: The best part: Heather and Patrick commentary.
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
ReplyDeleteWorst background noise movie ever. Demands attention.
or
DeleteTaika Waititi, national treasure? Nay, human treasure.
Hereditary (2018)
ReplyDeleteMore like Gabriel BURN, am i right?
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
ReplyDeleteOnly 3 channels? Just kill me now.
FINAL EXAM (1981):
ReplyDeleteAn empty garden with one succulent Radish.
Tales From The Crypt (1972)
ReplyDeleteMy latest art exhibition: ‘razor blade wall’
Psychomania (1973)
ReplyDeleteGhoulish gang goes gangbusters gallantly grinding gears.