.J.A. Bayona's EL ORFANATO (THE ORPHANAGE, 2007) on Blu-ray. Also streaming (w/commercials) on TUBI.MOTHER (get it?) of guilt-ridden twist endings.ORSo good director helmed "Jurassic World" sequel.
Simon Nuchtern's SILENT MADNESS 3D (1984, Alamo Drafthouse Brooklyn) for the first time. Wholesale buffet of cannon fodder humanity loathsomeness. ORMuch-improved recycled "Friday III 3D" tech follow-up.ORLinda Hamilton-esque final girl versus "Terminator"-like psycho.
Werewolves Within (2021) Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls.
THE KINDRED (2021, Dir. Jamie Patterson)When you find out Daddy's been sacked.
Glorious (Dir. Rebekah McKendry, 2022)What if Lovecraft but horny, not racist?
THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939) It’s Humphrey Bogart among the living dead
Piggy (Dir. Carlotta Pereda, 2022)Alternative title suggestion: Bon Bon and Clyde
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)This is a very strainge Allstate commercial.
Species (1995, dir. Roger Donaldson)Brings back so many seminal teenage memories.
Oh, very good. Gross, but good.
HAUNTED PALACE (1963) Corman actually had a budget for once.
Nope (2022)"Haywood's Hollywood Horses heroicly handle heartbreaking hazards."
Son of Frankenstein, dir Rowland V. Lee, 1939Don't mind Bela, he likes to lurk
HELLRAISER (1987) I thought I asked for CINNAMON bites!
READY OR NOT (2019)Might be my favorite DIE HARD movie.
FURY OF THE WOLFMAN (1972) Video nasty? No, more like video Naschy.
The Wolf Man (1941)Funny how these pentagrams aren't even pentagrams.
House by the Cemetery (1981)Bob please don't go downstairs. Oh fuck.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)Insaner Clown Posse: Needs Chiodo Helmed Sequel!
TRICK OR TREATS (1982)Gotta quit starting October with terrible movies.
TARGET EARTH (1954) This robot's worse on stairs than ED-209.
Hellraiser III: Hell On EarthPinhead said, "crucifixion but make it camp"
Vampire's Kiss (1988)Average week when you're Nicolas Kim Coppola.
Halloween III (1982)Atkins gives zero fucks, gets them all.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988, dir. Tony Randel)"I have to finish the puzzle." Relatable.
DOCTOR FAUSTUS (1967) Elizabeth Taylor, sure. But... space Elizabeth Taylor?!?
The Conjuring 2 (2016)Family deserved it for keeping abandoned armchair.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)Still the best creepy clown movie yet.
Viy (1967)"Coassacks have no fear," exclaims fleeing man.
SISSY (2022)Stylish thriller puts the "fluids" in "in-fluids-er"
Before I Wake (2016)The stuff that dreams are made of.
When a Stranger Calls (Simon West, 2006)Bad babysitter breaks bad boy's brutalism bender
THE UNKOWN TERROR (1957) Was Jungle Cruise a remake of this?
WHO INVITED THEM (dir. Duncan Birmingham 2022)No respect for a killer vinyl collection
Cannibal Girls (1973)Perfectly depicts Canadian girls... I mean Cannibal!
Leatherface (2017)Better than a "skin condition" at least
The Gate (1987) Dir. Tibor TakācsGiant demon no match for La Magra.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)Final: It doesn’t mean what you think.
FIRESTARTER (2022) Movies about pyrokinesis shouldn't be this boring.
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (2014):Can’t believe they wasted all that bisgetti.
Hell House LLC (2015)Good but unremarkable - nuthin else to say!
Mosquito (Dir. Gary Jones 1994)No stretch... Leatherface dispatches skeeters with shotguns.OR20 years later, Gunnar's still slingin' saws!ORProboscis? Or just happy to see me?
Sisters(1972 Dir: Brian De Palma)Poor Phillip instantly regretted not getting cupcakes
Pay The Ghost (2015)Inflation proof. Only three kids since 1679!
Tombs of the Blind Dead (Dir. Amando de Ossorio 1972)Blind Dead? Just past the rapey graveyard...
Terrifier (2016)Would watch Hacksaw Art Clown in WWE
ATTACK OF THE BLIND DEAD 1973Amando de OssorioBlind Dead, proto door to door missionaries!
Young Frankenstein (1974)Coincidentally "schwanzstucker" isn't appearing on Google translate
Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)That's a novel way to get headorMonsters we can never defeat: rich assholes
Phantom of the Paradise (1974)He tried, so he died. RIP Beef
War of the Worlds (1953)Aliens so short: Army, try hockey sticks!
The Pit and the Pendulum (1991, dir. Stuart Gordon)Gordon always doing a lot with little.
Practical Magic (1998)Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are hot.
Zombieland (Ruben Fleischer, 2009)Hummer not ideal for cross country travel
THE BRAIN (1988)Kept waiting for Pinky but alas...nope.
Pearl (2022 - Ti West)Being single mother can lead to burnout.
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)Would make a great double with Ghostwatch
Cube (2021)Japanese remake of 1997 Cube. No Gleaming.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)Sometimes I was confused...absolutely loved it.
Cronos (1993)Please dont 5 second rule bathroom blood
Ginger Snaps (2000)I'm serious, don't 5 second rule blood
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020)That defies an easy seven word review.orFirst, admit you have a werewolf problem.
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)Linnea can't fight or dance with chainsaws
Them! (1954)That guy probably still locked up today
Maximum Overdrive (1986)Trucks? Check. AC/DC? Check. Cocaine mountain? CHECK!
Scream 4 (2011)Is Emma Roberts part of Bills Mafia?
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)Ben Grimm needs to quit his bitching
CORALINE (2009)Maligns the reputation of doll makers everywhere.
Critter (1986)Really makes me nostalgic for practical effects
Mad God (2021) I need more acid for this one.
The Funhouse (Dir. Tobe Hooper, 1981)All this over a 100 dollar handjob?
Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989)Boy is that end credits song problematic!
Night of the Seagulls (Dir. Amando de Ossorio, 1975)McCartney: "somebody's knockin' at my door..." AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
These reviews have been counted for the monthly tally. Please post your reviews on today's thread.
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000, dir. Scott Derrickson)Kung-fu cowboys keep kicking Craig, I cringe
.J.A. Bayona's EL ORFANATO (THE ORPHANAGE, 2007) on Blu-ray. Also streaming (w/commercials) on TUBI.
ReplyDeleteMOTHER (get it?) of guilt-ridden twist endings.
OR
So good director helmed "Jurassic World" sequel.
Simon Nuchtern's SILENT MADNESS 3D (1984, Alamo Drafthouse Brooklyn) for the first time.
ReplyDeleteWholesale buffet of cannon fodder humanity loathsomeness.
OR
Much-improved recycled "Friday III 3D" tech follow-up.
OR
Linda Hamilton-esque final girl versus "Terminator"-like psycho.
Werewolves Within (2021)
ReplyDeleteBalls. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls.
THE KINDRED (2021, Dir. Jamie Patterson)
ReplyDeleteWhen you find out Daddy's been sacked.
Glorious (Dir. Rebekah McKendry, 2022)
ReplyDeleteWhat if Lovecraft but horny, not racist?
THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939)
ReplyDeleteIt’s Humphrey Bogart among the living dead
Piggy (Dir. Carlotta Pereda, 2022)
ReplyDeleteAlternative title suggestion: Bon Bon and Clyde
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
ReplyDeleteThis is a very strainge Allstate commercial.
Species (1995, dir. Roger Donaldson)
ReplyDeleteBrings back so many seminal teenage memories.
Oh, very good. Gross, but good.
DeleteHAUNTED PALACE (1963)
ReplyDeleteCorman actually had a budget for once.
Nope (2022)
ReplyDelete"Haywood's Hollywood Horses heroicly handle heartbreaking hazards."
Son of Frankenstein, dir Rowland V. Lee, 1939
ReplyDeleteDon't mind Bela, he likes to lurk
HELLRAISER (1987)
ReplyDeleteI thought I asked for CINNAMON bites!
READY OR NOT (2019)
ReplyDeleteMight be my favorite DIE HARD movie.
FURY OF THE WOLFMAN (1972)
ReplyDeleteVideo nasty? No, more like video Naschy.
The Wolf Man (1941)
ReplyDeleteFunny how these pentagrams aren't even pentagrams.
House by the Cemetery (1981)
ReplyDeleteBob please don't go downstairs. Oh fuck.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
ReplyDeleteInsaner Clown Posse: Needs Chiodo Helmed Sequel!
TRICK OR TREATS (1982)
ReplyDeleteGotta quit starting October with terrible movies.
TARGET EARTH (1954)
ReplyDeleteThis robot's worse on stairs than ED-209.
Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth
ReplyDeletePinhead said, "crucifixion but make it camp"
Vampire's Kiss (1988)
ReplyDeleteAverage week when you're Nicolas Kim Coppola.
Halloween III (1982)
ReplyDeleteAtkins gives zero fucks, gets them all.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988, dir. Tony Randel)
ReplyDelete"I have to finish the puzzle." Relatable.
DOCTOR FAUSTUS (1967)
ReplyDeleteElizabeth Taylor, sure. But... space Elizabeth Taylor?!?
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
ReplyDeleteFamily deserved it for keeping abandoned armchair.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
ReplyDeleteStill the best creepy clown movie yet.
Viy (1967)
ReplyDelete"Coassacks have no fear," exclaims fleeing man.
SISSY (2022)
ReplyDeleteStylish thriller puts the "fluids" in "in-fluids-er"
Before I Wake (2016)
ReplyDeleteThe stuff that dreams are made of.
When a Stranger Calls (Simon West, 2006)
ReplyDeleteBad babysitter breaks bad boy's brutalism bender
THE UNKOWN TERROR (1957)
ReplyDeleteWas Jungle Cruise a remake of this?
WHO INVITED THEM (dir. Duncan Birmingham 2022)
ReplyDeleteNo respect for a killer vinyl collection
Cannibal Girls (1973)
ReplyDeletePerfectly depicts Canadian girls... I mean Cannibal!
Leatherface (2017)
ReplyDeleteBetter than a "skin condition" at least
The Gate (1987) Dir. Tibor Takācs
ReplyDeleteGiant demon no match for La Magra.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
ReplyDeleteFinal: It doesn’t mean what you think.
FIRESTARTER (2022)
ReplyDeleteMovies about pyrokinesis shouldn't be this boring.
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (2014):
ReplyDeleteCan’t believe they wasted all that bisgetti.
Hell House LLC (2015)
ReplyDeleteGood but unremarkable - nuthin else to say!
Mosquito (Dir. Gary Jones 1994)
ReplyDeleteNo stretch... Leatherface dispatches skeeters with shotguns.
OR
20 years later, Gunnar's still slingin' saws!
OR
Proboscis? Or just happy to see me?
Sisters(1972 Dir: Brian De Palma)
ReplyDeletePoor Phillip instantly regretted not getting cupcakes
Pay The Ghost (2015)
ReplyDeleteInflation proof. Only three kids since 1679!
Tombs of the Blind Dead (Dir. Amando de Ossorio 1972)
ReplyDeleteBlind Dead? Just past the rapey graveyard...
Terrifier (2016)
ReplyDeleteWould watch Hacksaw Art Clown in WWE
ATTACK OF THE BLIND DEAD 1973
ReplyDeleteAmando de Ossorio
Blind Dead, proto door to door missionaries!
Young Frankenstein (1974)
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally "schwanzstucker" isn't appearing on Google translate
Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)
ReplyDeleteThat's a novel way to get head
or
Monsters we can never defeat: rich assholes
Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
ReplyDeleteHe tried, so he died. RIP Beef
War of the Worlds (1953)
ReplyDeleteAliens so short: Army, try hockey sticks!
The Pit and the Pendulum (1991, dir. Stuart Gordon)
ReplyDeleteGordon always doing a lot with little.
Practical Magic (1998)
ReplyDeleteSandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are hot.
Zombieland (Ruben Fleischer, 2009)
ReplyDeleteHummer not ideal for cross country travel
THE BRAIN (1988)
ReplyDeleteKept waiting for Pinky but alas...nope.
Pearl (2022 - Ti West)
ReplyDeleteBeing single mother can lead to burnout.
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)
ReplyDeleteWould make a great double with Ghostwatch
Cube (2021)
ReplyDeleteJapanese remake of 1997 Cube. No Gleaming.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
ReplyDeleteSometimes I was confused...absolutely loved it.
Cronos (1993)
ReplyDeletePlease dont 5 second rule bathroom blood
Ginger Snaps (2000)
ReplyDeleteI'm serious, don't 5 second rule blood
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020)
ReplyDeleteThat defies an easy seven word review.
or
First, admit you have a werewolf problem.
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
ReplyDeleteLinnea can't fight or dance with chainsaws
Them! (1954)
ReplyDeleteThat guy probably still locked up today
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
ReplyDeleteTrucks? Check. AC/DC? Check. Cocaine mountain? CHECK!
Scream 4 (2011)
ReplyDeleteIs Emma Roberts part of Bills Mafia?
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
ReplyDeleteBen Grimm needs to quit his bitching
CORALINE (2009)
ReplyDeleteMaligns the reputation of doll makers everywhere.
Critter (1986)
ReplyDeleteReally makes me nostalgic for practical effects
Mad God (2021)
ReplyDeleteI need more acid for this one.
The Funhouse (Dir. Tobe Hooper, 1981)
ReplyDeleteAll this over a 100 dollar handjob?
Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989)
ReplyDeleteBoy is that end credits song problematic!
Night of the Seagulls (Dir. Amando de Ossorio, 1975)
ReplyDeleteMcCartney: "somebody's knockin' at my door..." AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
These reviews have been counted for the monthly tally. Please post your reviews on today's thread.
ReplyDeleteHellraiser: Inferno (2000, dir. Scott Derrickson)
ReplyDeleteKung-fu cowboys keep kicking Craig, I cringe