2K Replay: ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (2005)

 by Adam Riske

Nominated for “Choice Rap Artist in a Movie” (Ja Rule) at the Teen Choice Awards. He lost to Nelly in The Longest Yard (2005).

• Best Scene/Moment: I guess the early scenes before the shit goes down because it’s the only time the cops in Precinct 13 are having fun and the lights are on.

• Best Song: “Winter Wonderland” by Dean Martin.

• Best Merch: Not a lot to choose from so I’ll go with a “CD-ROM Ethan Hawke Assault on Precinct 13…Digital Press Kit” for $3.00. The thing is pretty much worthless at this point but it’s for an economical price if you want a keepsake of the movie.

• Director Grade: Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) was directed by Jean-Francois Richet.
Great Movies: N/A
Good Movies: N/A
OK Movies: N/A
Bad Movies: Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)
Unseen By Me: Etat des lieux, Ma 6-T va crack-er, De l’amour, Mesrine: Killer Instinct, Mesrine: Public Enemy No. 1, One Wild Moment, Blood Father, The Emperor of Paris, Plane
Overall Grade: C-

• Double It with This 2005 Movie: Four Brothers

• Year 2005 Movies to Trailer Before Them: Domino, Hostage, Unleashed

• Never Talk to Strangers or Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)? Never Talk to Strangers

• Mall Movie? Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) is a B-grade action January programmer so it for sure is playing at the mall.

• Only in 2005: Drea de Matteo casting that was meant as a value add.

• Scene Stealer (tie): Maria Bello and Brian Dennehy.

• I Miss: Brian Dennehy.

• I Don’t Miss: Rogue Pictures. Their logo and aesthetic give me the opposite of a serotonin boost.

• 2005 Crush: Maria Bello.

• 2025 Crush: Maria Bello.

• What I Thought in 2005: I liked Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) enough to buy the DVD, which went unopened until my rewatch in 2025. I remember renting the movie at the time I just bought a new “big TV” and showing the television off to friends for a couple of weeks while watching movies like Assault on Precinct 13 (2005). I was also in the peak of my peak Ethan Hawke fandom at the time following Before Sunset and especially Training Day.

• What I Think in 2025: I enjoy Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) less now in part because in 2005 I had not yet seen the John Carpenter Assault on Precinct 13 (1976), which is awesome. I like a few of the performances in the remake but the movie goes on too long, the action isn’t always shot well, and it becomes a chore to look at because every scene is shot in the snow and the dark.