Thursday, June 10, 2010

F These Hockey Movies

Yes, the Chicago Blackhawks are the 2010 Stanley Cup Champions. We can't F hockey, because it remains a frozen mystery. But we can F these movies with hockey in them.

F Slapshot. F Miracle. Those are too obvious. These are real hockey movies.

1. Sudden Death (1995) - Jean-Claude Van Damme stars a security guard in Die Hard-in-a-hockey rink, directed by Chicago's own Peter Hyams (which explains why one of teams featured in the film is the Blackhawks). So stupid. Van Damme just wants his kids back.

2. Clerks (1994) - Rooftop hockey. The scene features the only special effect in Clerks, in which producer Scott Mosier yells at Scott Mosier.

3. D2: The Mighty Ducks - There's no reason to choose this over the original Mighty Ducks except that the title makes no fucking sense. Remember that movie T2: The Terminator or P2: There Was No Movie Called P (Because What the Fuck is P2?)

4. Swingers (1996) - I'm gonna make Wayne Gretzky's head bleed for Superfan number 99 over here.

5. Friday the 13th Part 3 (1982) - Because hockey mask.


  1. Sudden Death was co-produced by the Pittsburgh Penguins owner, and based on a book written by the owners wife.

    I assume it took place during the 92 playoff where the Pens swept the Blackhawks in 4 games to win the Stanley Cup. In the movie the series has gone to 7 games.

    There were a bunch of real hockey players who were in the movie, although most of them were minor leaguers.

  2. The Mighty Ducks and D2: The Mighty Ducks are actually some good kids movies.

    And D2 makes a lot more sense than calling the first Independence Day movie ID4.