Friday, August 17, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (August 17)

These really are the dog days of summer, you guys. The good news? Some (SOME) of these trailerz look promising! And don't worry -- only a few more weeks before October. Or, as we like to call it around here: SCARY MOVIE MONTH!

Red Dawn
Release date: Nov. 21, 2012

Ugh. I feel like a failure. This preview premiered on Aug. 10, the same day I released LAST week's round of trailerz. And, truth be told, I write this column Thursday night. So I missed it. Like a failure. SUE ME. This is how you make trailer sausage, F-Heads! Ewww. Anywho, here it is, late, and you're SO satisfied. Or not. Listen, this looks like a pile of garbage, and, really ... North Koreans? A country that can't feed itself is invading the American heartland? I've heard about suspending disbelief, but this is recockulous. For a much more reasoned and articulate reaction to the original Red Dawn (1984), I implore you to read Patrick's review, here.

Seven Psychopaths
Release date: Oct. 12, 2012

This feels a little late-'90s gritty crime comedy chic. Think Very Bad Things, Snatch, Love and a .45, Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead, Go, Suicide Kings, Smokin' Aces, ET CETERA. But, with a cast that includes Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, Woody Harrelson, Tom Waits and Kevin Corrigan (not to mention Colin Farrell, Abbie Cornish, Olga Kurylenko and Gabourey Sidibe, who, honestly, I'm less crazy about), how can you go wrong? This looks wonderful, is what I'm saying.

The Last Stand
Release date: Jan. 18, 2013

And this looks not-so-wonderful (circle of life [HAKUNA MATATA]). It's like a live-action Rango, is what I'm saying. Except, you know ... with a puffy, juiced, inarticulate, thin-haired, adulterous, comically anti-gubernatorial, wax-figure Austrian substituting for our hero sheriff/chameleon. Listen (LISTEN), I'm sure this movie will give #HeavyAction fans plenty to masturbate to, and the stylized direction of Jee-woon Kim is undeniably impressive. Let's hope our favorite Korean director's American feature debut is as inspired as I Saw the Devil, and not a total drag like, say, John Woo's Broken Arrow. See what I did there? RANDOM ASIAN DIRECTOR COMPARISON.

Trouble with the Curve
Release date: Sept. 21, 2012

Get off my baseball diamond.

Playing for Keeps
Release date: Dec. 7, 2012

I zoned out about three seconds into this. People, it's 2012. Why are we still presented with BORING movies? I mean, I get it -- people are idiots, and this kind of prepackaged, predictable pap is exactly the kind of thing lonely cat ladies want to watch a few weeks before celebrating Christmas. Alone. Again. But, for real, a question for these women: what is the appeal of Gerard Butler? Is it his Scottish brogue? His mildly chiseled physique? His round, doughy face? WHAT IS IT?

Liberal Arts
Release date: Sept. 14, 2012

Now here's a man we can ALL get behind: Mr. Zac Efron (who, unfortunately, is not even IN this preview)! Seriously, this looks like a lovely little film with a great, charming cast. Elizabeth Olsen is both a really good actress and really easy to look at. Feels like fall in here, and I love it.

3, 2, 1 ... Frankie Go Boom
Release date: TBA

Why do TV shows (Girls) and movies (this thing) feature Chris O'Dowd and NOT let him talk in his absolutely adorable Irish accent? Lizzy Caplan is a fox, but Whitney Cummings needs to stop it. All of it. Right now. This movie feels VERY indie-cool (even the music is insufferable), and the plot (from what I gathered) is about a guy and girl and their sex tape and how it gets released online but that's OK because they're good at fucking ... ? SOLD.


  1. Doug, thanks for not spoiling the BIG surprise reveal in 3,2,1...Frankie Go Boom. It might take a while for my eyes to stop bleeding!

  2. we have to make it North Korea because China won't show movies that make China the villain. We need that market. They had to change parts of Men in Black III with Chinese people in it or something.

  3. John Woo's American debut was ''Hard Target'' not ''Broken Arrow''. Just sayin'

    1. Thanks, Gabriel. I knew that (because I, too, have access to Google), but I thought 'Broken Arrow' was a better joke. Because YUCK 'Broken Arrow.'

  4. Speaking of Scary Movie Month, any decisions on the movie for the commentary yet? :-)

    1. Not yet. And we're running out of time...

    2. If I think of anything else to suggest, I'll let you know.