Friday, March 22, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (March 22)

In just a few short hours (or days, or up to two weeks, or in the last few hours or days [I'm submitting this week's column earlier than normal, so there's really no way to tell]), I'm going to be a father. HOW EXCITING. So, I figured, "Heck, why not feature a few trailerz about babiez," because we're all in this TOGETHER (right, Uncle Sol? Auntie JM? Creepy Cousin Brad L.? Mohel Adam?). A little over nine months ago [WEIRD], during the very popular (30) Stars of Summer event, I featured a preview for Baby Boom starring Diane Keaton, so it's only fitting that I feature some other pregnancy-themed films here! Full circle, is what I'm saying. Tree of life. Hakuna matata. Goo-goo, ga-ga.

Knocked Up
Release date: June 1, 2007

When this movie first came out, I was NOT a fan. Perhaps it was because I was watching it with the wrong girl -- a person who [no offense to her now, as she's a perfectly FINE human being, and I'm sure she's just as happy/better off in 2013 as I am] I couldn't imagine having a kid with. Or perhaps it's because, as usual, I'm a little late to the party, and the comedic stylings of Seth Rogen didn't quite do it for me [yet]. Or maybe it was my immaturity, mixed with a complete misunderstanding of what being pregnant/having a child is actually about. I caught a few minutes (broken up by several VERY LONG/ANNOYING commercial breaks) on E!, and remember liking it/laughing more than I did in 2007. And, if anything, I'm certainly a fan of Judd Apatow, even his ambitious failures. I'll have to watch this again in the coming weeks.

Rosemary's Baby
Release date: June 12, 1968

Yikes! NEXT!

Three Men and a Baby
Release date: Nov. 25, 1987

Now THIS is more like it. I'm totally the Danson (because I'm a dapper ladies' man with a hairpiece), Patrick's the Selleck (because he once dated Courteney Cox) and JB's the Guttenberg (because he loves Police Academy so much). Jokes aside, the last line in this trailer is great.

Release date: Dec. 25, 2007

It's weird to think that this movie came out the same year as Knocked Up, because Knocked Up seems so much ... older? Or is it just me? This is a touching, funny film. The all-star cast (Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons, among others) has never been better, and director Jason Reitman establishes himself as an "auteur" (although I'm not the biggest fan of Thank You for Smoking, and I'm sure an argument could be made that THAT was his breakthrough debut). Too bad there was such a post-Juno backlash, specifically directed at writer Diablo Cody (some deserved, some notsomuch) and the whole trend of quirky, indie, neo-language/music/speech-pattern comedies.

Release date: Nov. 23, 1994

This was a real movie! Directed by Jason Reitman's dad, Ivan! And people went to see it! A lot! It made over $100 million! That's crazy!

Nine Months
Release date: July 12, 1995

I've never seen this movie, and this trailer is SUCH a piece of shit. But it's got a good cast (aside from Robin Williams doing a horrible Russian accent) and I'm sure it's pleasant enough. Who here has seen it? What can you tell me about it? Is it a waste of my time, or should I add it to my post-birth movie marathon? Oh yeah, during the course of writing this week's column, I made up my mind that I'm going to watch a bunch of these movies while I'm home (you know, "nesting"). Pretty great, right?

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn -- Part 1
Release date: July 12, 1995

It's like they held a mirror up to my life.

Bringing Up Baby
Release date: Feb. 18, 1938

Look here, see? I know this movie doesn't feature an actual baby, but a pet leopard named "Baby," see? And that you might think I'm confused because the word "Baby" is in the title, see? Well listen, bub, I'm not confused -- I just wanted to feature a moving picture from the '30s in my trailer roundup, see? And what better example than a screwball comedy starring Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant? This flick is cracker jack, see? It's the bee's knees! Top of the pops! Hotsy-totsy! The tit's meow! See?

Release date: Oct. 2, 1981

This seems ripe for a "Heath Holland On ..." column.

She's Having a Baby
Release date: Feb. 5, 1988

I kind of ... love this trailer? From the reaction shots of a VERY young Kevin Bacon, to the closing song, it just WORKS. But maybe I'm in a weird '80s mood. Or maybe I'm just smitten with the concept of (all together now) "having a baby." Because, based on IMDb (5.6/10) and Rotten Tomatoes (48 percent "fresh"), it's not very good. I haven't seen it (should I?). Kevin Smith says it's his favorite John Hughes movie, and he used it as a template for Jersey Girl. Hmmm ... that doesn't inspire confidence.

Release date: Nov. 20, 2009

Remember what I said about a mirror?

What are your favorite movies about having kids? What am I missing? Let me know in the comments, below! Thanks!


  1. It's Alive
    It Lives Again
    It's Alive III: Island of the Alive

    1. Sorry, only the one with Michael Moriarty in it counts (because Ben Stone rulz!). Actually, if there an "Island of the Dougs," couldn't he go there and get a new kid instead of forcing his wife to go through the whole pregnancy thing? Because Jar Jar Binks said it best: 'That's rude.' :-P

  2. Children of the Corn
    Children of the Corn 2: The Cornening
    Children of the Corn 3: Stuck in Your Teeth
    Children of the Corn 4: Look Ma - More Corn!
    Children of the Corn 5: A Good Day to Corn Hard
    Children of the Corn 6: I Fucking Hate Corn

    Parts 7-12 aren't worth watching so I won't mention them here.

    Doug, buddy, GOOD LUCK! And give my best to your lovely wife though she'll probably just be laying there the whole time, so as usual the MAN has to do all the work.

    As I understand it, your life is about to get much worse and then gradually much better - I'm sure you'll all do great!

  3. This is a terrible idea and you are a terrible person.

  4. Doug! No love for the deuces trilogy?

    Look Who's Talking Too
    Father of the Bride Part II
    Cheaper by the Dozen 2

  5. Children of Men
    Kill Bill

    God I love Orphan and its ridiculous and awesome twist.

    1. Probably the best Gawker article ever was the one explaining that twist.

  6. I think it's cute you think you'll have the time or energy for a movie marathon after the stork drops off your bundle o' joy. Don't ever change! By which I mean everything is going to change!

    Also, Away We Go and Babies.

  7. Not being a wise-ass (being that I'm 'Auntie JM' and all, but I'd prefer to be called 'Tio JM'! :-P) but I honestly think "Kramer vs. Kramer" is the best ever depiction of what raising a child is like. Yes, it presupposes a marriage falling apart and one parent stuck raising a young kid on their own (and this being a 70's movie it assumes a man is completely out of his element raising his own kid). But as someone that lived this movie there is so much truth to the good, the bad and in-between when you're the one that has to pay the price for your parents not being able to stay together. Not that I hope Doug ever finds out in real life, just being honest here. :-)

    If Doug's brave though I seriously suggest he watches "Eraserhead" after his kid is born. Lynch let it slip in recent years (after decades of playing masterfully the Kubrick-sanctioned game of 'let them interpret') that he based that movie on his then-impending fear of becoming a father. Epic mind fuck guaranteed, especially when the sleep depravation kicks in.

    And for what it's worth, Doug, MAZEL TOV on the birth of your first born. :-) Time to look at movies like "Pet Semetary" and maybe these new-to-me movies in a whole new light now that, you know, you're in it for the three of you.

    3/18/13: Young David Cronenberg builds a head of steam for "Scanners" in SECRET WEAPONS (1972) on YouTube.

    Mrs. Roberto Rossellini and "Addison DeWitt" grow cold, colder and then heat (up?) in JOURNEY TO ITALY (1954) on TCM-HD.

    If it's good-enough to open the last Massacre in Chicago then it's good enough for me. Luis Buñuel's (and Salvador Dali's) UN CHIEN ANDALOU (1929) on YouTube.

    Team Jacob wishes their man had a prostate as asymmetrical as Robert Pattison's (!) in David Cronenberg's COSMOPOLIS (2012) on Blu-ray.

    1. Didn't see Erich's suggestion, but definitely check out "Babies" (it's on Netflix Instant, and I know this because my sister subscribes and has made me watch it several times). A reminder that across the boundaries of time, space, race, height, religion, social status, penis size, creed or political belief we're all the same. Especially poignant after you've battled for hours, along with the parents, to put your crying newborn niece to sleep at 2AM and you're too tired to sleep.

  8. I was trying to think of movies that would show you What to expect when you're expecting a Baby and entering into Parenthood with your Baby Mama... but I could think of anything.

    Creepy Cousin? (*stares directly into your eyes without blinking*) You. don't. know. how. right. you. are.
    Oh and I'm available for baby sitting

  9. Replies
    1. Not unless Doug married Tiffany Brissette. ;-P

  10. No Fargo? No Shoot 'Em Up? I mean if anyone (ANYONE) is the living embodiment of Shoot 'Em Up, it's Doug. Clive Owen is merely a pale reflection of thee. Only, you know, English and hot.

  11. Doug, 'She's Having a Baby' is great and, probably, John Hughes' most personal film. Is it perfect? No. Are there too many fantasy sequences? (Doug, if you watch it, you'll see what i mean) Double yes. But it's really great, so i recommend it.

  12. Congrats Doug, just think your child will be part of F This Movie-The Next Generation where we will listen to our podcast while sitting comfortably on our Moon condos.

    Best Baby movies
    Naked Gun 33 1/3 The Final Insult
    Ghostbusters II
    Nightmare on Elm Street The Dream Child

    For real though, one of my favorite movies about raising kids is Ron Howard's Parenthood. It really does do a great job of showcasing how parents take care of their kids at any age, even when they grow up. It was a great role for Steve Martin that he decided to completely and utterly ruin later with the Cheaper by the Dozen movies.

    1. Now that you mention it Tom, Steve Martin has been in three movies about raising kids (two of them franchises): "Parenthood," the "Father of the Bride" remakes and the "Cheaper by the Dozen" series. I guess when you've had a career as long and varied as Steve's (from 'Wild and Crazy Guy' to "Novocaine" to "Pink Panther" remakes to his current musical projects) playing fatherly figures in family-friendly Hollywood flicks comes easy for the guy.

  13. I'm surprised no one mentioned "Raising Arizona". Such a great movie.

    Congrats Doug and Doug's wife!

    1. Yes!! I remember seeing Raising Arizona for the first time the day my husband and I had the our first expecting-a-baby ultrasound... and we both bawled like big sissies during H.I.'s closing dream-sequence monologue. Over the years, any time we had to go pick up our son from somewhere, we'd say, "let's go get Nathan Jr."

  14. Having just seen it for my new-to-me movie resolution I can safely recommend Stuart Gordon's "Fortress" as a great 'we're having a baby' movie. Granted, it's a futuristic prison movie with people's intestines blowing up, male-on-male rape, the creepy dude from "Re-Animator" with ling hair and Raiden from the "Mortal Kombat" movie kicking ass to have his wife deliver their child (think "The Matrix" meets "Total Recall" on 1/100th the budget of either movie). But hey, wouldn't Doug do the same if Ash from "Alien" tried to blackmail his wife to keep both him and the baby alive until delivery time? Two placenta-covered thumbs up! :-)