Thursday, November 13, 2014

Riske Business: The Grab Bag (Vol. 1)

by Adam Riske
I hope you like random stuff!

Demo Deal

It’s almost 8pm and I’m starving. I want a feckin’ Demo Deal, yo! I dare anyone to go to a Taco Bell and order a burrito supreme, nachos and a large drink and then act all pissed off when they don’t give you a Demolition Man poster. This is the type of thing I would have totally gone to Taco Bell for back in 1993 but would have acted all blasé about. I would be like “Yeah, I’ll have a burrito supreme, nachos and a large drink, please.” Then they would give me a Demolition Man poster and I would act surprised, like I didn’t know that was going to happen.

The Magic is Lethal

This is the most nonsensical advertisement I have ever seen. What the hell does Magic Johnson have to do with Lethal Weapon 2? Does he mean the magic is lethal like the Avada Kedavra curse from Harry Potter? Where can I get a Lethal Weapon 2 basketball jersey?


Dinosize your obesity playa! I remember forcing my mom to take me to McDonalds after we saw Park for the first time so I could get a dino sized meal and a JP cup from Mickey Dee’s. This, I believe, was the precursor to super sizing (correct me if I’m wrong). My other favorite part of this commercial is the shot of Laura Dern because I love Laura Dern and this is how I imagine she would look if I took off my pants.

Remember Dan Cortese?

So many thoughts about this one. 1) Remember when Dan Cortese thought Last Action Hero was going to rule the summer of Park? 2) Is it cool to misspell TV, Burger King? I miss the '90s. #ILOVETHISPLACE 3) Those animated action cups are fuckin’ boss, dude. Why don’t they have stuff like that anymore? 4) Dan goes to movies by himself with a big bag of Burger King? That’s sad. He ain’t got no friends to see the biggest movie of the summer with?

Warner Bros. Ball Cap

Remember this ad that ran on the Batman (1989) VHS? Did you wear your Warner Bros. ball cap while you watched The Lego Movie or Godzilla this year? If you didn’t, how did you get away with that? Can you believe that you have to spend $1.50 per minute to call to get a catalog? P.S. I tried dialing the number and I got a message saying my account is not authorized to dial this phone number. I bet it’s the same number as POTUS or something.

Right Field

Here’s a classic that ran before the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) VHS. I love the song and sadly I could sing it to you by heart. I watched TMNT on VHS that many times! One thing that distracts me though is that the batter looks like he’s 25 years old and the right fielder is about 6. How is that fair? Plus that field they’re playing in needs some major fucking landscaping. It looks like the only thing missing from it is used syringes. AND A BASEBALL FALLS INTO MY GLOOOOOOOVVVVVE!

Scary Batman Kid

Did anyone besides me play handheld games? I would get them all the time because they were $20 and my ‘rents didn’t want to throw 50 bones on a Sega game. This kid had to turn out to be a murderer, right?

Racist Karate Kids

I totally used to own Karate Kid action figures. I had the ring, too, but my parents never sprung to get me Miyagi’s crib. Oh well. I forgive you, Mom and Dad. These kids are so racist, especially the kid in the glasses. These figures have sweet, deliberate tri-action moves. Imagine having a fight with these figures. You would telegraph every move super easily.

Do you have any fun, random movie clips or videos you would like to share? Leave a link in the comments below!


  1. Did anybody beat those cheap handheld games? Maybe because I wasn't that great a gamer, but I couldn't make it more than a few levels in. I remember playing the "Batman '89" game and The Joker would appear at end of every level and kill me(Batman). The boss music still haunts me to this day.

    1. Never. I had the Donkey Kong one and it was impossible. You have me intrigued about the boss music for the batman 89 game. Link?

    2. Those Tiger handheld games were pretty fun. I remember having a baseball game as well as a submarine combat one.

  2. Hell yeah, Riske! I remember all of those except for the Warner Bros. Ballcap one. Ties in nicely to Heath's Nostalgia piece from yesterday.

    Random?! I will share this masterpiece.

    1. and for the record, because I'm that hip, I came across this because I'm a fan of Thundercat. But afterward became an Andre fan too thanks to manwithpetgull who put me on to the greatest thing ever!

  3. was dracula in demolition man? i don't remember...

  4. William Shatner and the true meaning of Star Trek V:

    "Why do I climb the mountain? Because I'm in love."

  5. I just watched them all and I lost a little bit of my soul with each trailer. Damn I hate advertising. Nothing pulls me out of a movie more than a Blatent advert. The Converse trainers in I Robot for example. Errrrrrggghhh
    After seeing the Morgan Spurlock documentary The Greatest movie ever sold it really shows how much product is being sold to you even if subliminally.

    My fave there was Burger king. The "Big Mistake" line. Though it just reminded me of Patrick and Mike on the Texas chainsaw podcast.
    Have you not listened to it yet? Big mistake. Huge!

    ( Pretty woman)