by Adam Riske
It’s almost 8pm and I’m starving. I want a feckin’ Demo Deal, yo! I dare anyone to go to a Taco Bell and order a burrito supreme, nachos and a large drink and then act all pissed off when they don’t give you a Demolition Man poster. This is the type of thing I would have totally gone to Taco Bell for back in 1993 but would have acted all blasé about. I would be like “Yeah, I’ll have a burrito supreme, nachos and a large drink, please.” Then they would give me a Demolition Man poster and I would act surprised, like I didn’t know that was going to happen.
The Magic is Lethal
This is the most nonsensical advertisement I have ever seen. What the hell does Magic Johnson have to do with Lethal Weapon 2? Does he mean the magic is lethal like the Avada Kedavra curse from Harry Potter? Where can I get a Lethal Weapon 2 basketball jersey?
Dinosize your obesity playa! I remember forcing my mom to take me to McDonalds after we saw Park for the first time so I could get a dino sized meal and a JP cup from Mickey Dee’s. This, I believe, was the precursor to super sizing (correct me if I’m wrong). My other favorite part of this commercial is the shot of Laura Dern because I love Laura Dern and this is how I imagine she would look if I took off my pants.
Remember Dan Cortese?
So many thoughts about this one. 1) Remember when Dan Cortese thought Last Action Hero was going to rule the summer of Park? 2) Is it cool to misspell TV, Burger King? I miss the '90s. #ILOVETHISPLACE 3) Those animated action cups are fuckin’ boss, dude. Why don’t they have stuff like that anymore? 4) Dan goes to movies by himself with a big bag of Burger King? That’s sad. He ain’t got no friends to see the biggest movie of the summer with?
Warner Bros. Ball Cap
Remember this ad that ran on the Batman (1989) VHS? Did you wear your Warner Bros. ball cap while you watched The Lego Movie or Godzilla this year? If you didn’t, how did you get away with that? Can you believe that you have to spend $1.50 per minute to call to get a catalog? P.S. I tried dialing the number and I got a message saying my account is not authorized to dial this phone number. I bet it’s the same number as POTUS or something.
Here’s a classic that ran before the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) VHS. I love the song and sadly I could sing it to you by heart. I watched TMNT on VHS that many times! One thing that distracts me though is that the batter looks like he’s 25 years old and the right fielder is about 6. How is that fair? Plus that field they’re playing in needs some major fucking landscaping. It looks like the only thing missing from it is used syringes. AND A BASEBALL FALLS INTO MY GLOOOOOOOVVVVVE!
Scary Batman Kid
Did anyone besides me play handheld games? I would get them all the time because they were $20 and my ‘rents didn’t want to throw 50 bones on a Sega game. This kid had to turn out to be a murderer, right?
Racist Karate Kids
I totally used to own Karate Kid action figures. I had the ring, too, but my parents never sprung to get me Miyagi’s crib. Oh well. I forgive you, Mom and Dad. These kids are so racist, especially the kid in the glasses. These figures have sweet, deliberate tri-action moves. Imagine having a fight with these figures. You would telegraph every move super easily.
Do you have any fun, random movie clips or videos you would like to share? Leave a link in the comments below!