Friday, March 6, 2015

It Came from the '80s: Exterminators of the Year 3000

by Patrick Bromley
Anything we can do, Italians can do better.

The late '70s and early '80s were a glorious time for genre movies. The success of huge movies like Jaws and Star Wars opened up the floodgates for every studio to begin cranking out horror and sci-fi and fantasy -- the kinds of movies that serve as the foundation for this column. And while major studios were releasing both A and B genre movies (we mustn't forget that Charles Band's Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn was put out by UNIVERSAL), the independents were going nuts cranking out knock-offs and cheap imitations, many of which have an immediacy and energy that surpasses even their more expensive counterparts.
The Italians were the best at these movies: filmmakers like Luigi Cozzi and Lucio Fulci and Enzo Castellari and Ruggero Deodato and Umberto Lenzi and Lamberto Bava and Joe D'Amato were cranking out genre movies that feel less like films than they do fever dreams. These are not movies particularly interested in exploring themes or enlightening the human condition. They are about pushing buttons and activating the pleasure centers in the brains of those of us who love these movies. They are pure cinema.

That's an apt description for 1983's post-apocalyptic sci-fi actioner Exterminators of the Year 3000 (aka Death Warriors), a Mad Max/Road Warrior knock-off directed by Giuliano Carnimeo (credited here as "Jules Harrison"). It is...you guessed it...the year 3000. Earth has been decimated by nuclear war. Water is the most precious commodity. When a group of survivors runs out of water, a search party is sent out for more, including a young boy named Tommy (Luca Ventantini) with a robotic arm and a dream. Out in the desert he meets Alien (Robert Iannuci), a loner and drifter who would have been named Mad Max if the filmmakers weren't afraid of being sued. Alien and Tommy and Alien's Old Lady Trash (Alicia Moro) go to war with a murderous motorcycle gang led by Crazy Bull (Fernando Bilbao), who may or may not look a whole lot like Vernon Wells in The Road Warrior. It's going to be a fight to the death! A fight over water! In the year 3000! Also, Exterminators are cars.
I have Junesploitation to thank for my love of these Italian exploitation films. I spent years resistant to Italian horror films, mostly because I was only seeing one or two a year and they were so weird and gross and nonsensical and often bad that I was tempted to write off the genre. However, those that know me by now should know that I will almost never write something off; I'll keep giving it a chance until I either come around to it or it kills me. Once Junesploitation started up a few years ago, I began consuming huge amounts of Italian genre films -- not just horror, but westerns, cop thrillers (poliotteschi), science fiction, all of it. I got into the groove of those movies a lot more quickly than I did Italy's horror offerings; why that is, I cannot speculate except to theorize that while Italian action, science fiction and westerns deliver only the "greatest hits" of their respective genres, Italian horror is more about serving up crazy gore and dream logic. Neither of those things are the reason I watch horror movies.

But back to Exterminators of the Year 3000, a movie that would be so much better if it weren't such a lesser Road Warrior. One advantage that cheap European exploitation has over its American studio counterpart is a sense of danger -- a reckless desire to "top" that which has come before and a team of stuntmen willing to put themselves in harm's way to pull off the craziest shit you've ever seen. There is a chase sequence near the beginning of Exterminators that perfectly fits such a bill: high energy, violent and genuinely exciting in no small part because it pushes the limits of practical stunt work and driving. It's easily the best set piece in the film. The problem is that it's just ripping off The Road Warrior and all of these same qualifications apply to The Road Warrior, maybe because it's an Australian film and maybe just because George Miller is THE MAN. The stunts in Road Warrior feel every bit as dangerous and energetic -- more so, actually, since Miller doesn't feel the need to play everything out in slow motion the way Carnimeo Harrison does. It's a rare case in which the minors can't out-crazy the majors. Of course, minus the support of Warner Bros. and the presence of a pre-movie star Mel Gibson, The Road Warrior is basically a minor, too.
But perhaps my favorite aspect of Exterminators of the Year 3000 is the dialogue that's been dubbed in for Fernando Bilbao, the movie's villain. I have neither heard an Italian language track nor do I speak Italian, so it's impossible for me to know if the English dub comes close to representing the dialogue as originally written. What I do know is that what has been dubbed is glorious. For whatever reason, a decision was made to give Crazy Bull a lot of purplish prose -- he uses 10 words when two will do, and none of them flow particularly smoothly ("Onward, my merry mother-grabbers!"). I don't know if this was a conscious choice to create a character or if it's just a result of either bad writing or a loose grasp on the English language. It doesn't matter. It gives every one of Crazy Bull's scenes so much personality and sets Exterminators apart from the dozens of other post-apocalyptic movies of the '80s, if even in that small way.

Everything else about Exterminators -- save for the amazing chase sequence and Crazy Bull's lunatic dialogue -- is generic for this type of movie, which is to say a great deal of uninspired fun. Sometimes these Italian knock-offs push so far in their own weird directions that they transcend their own limitations and even their own "source material" to really stand on their own as true art. Exterminators of the Year 3000 is incredibly entertaining, but hardly transcendent. It moves well, boasts some great action and has enough of its own personality (a kid gets his arm torn off and only then do we find out he's bionic) to be well worth seeking out for fans of this kind of movie. Will I be watching it again? Absolutely. Is it the kind of movie that could only have been made in the '80s? Of course.

Originally announced as a double feature with Bruno Mattei's Cruel Jaws (which had to be pulled because it incorporates footage from several movies [including Jaws] without permission), it was released this week as a standalone Blu-ray by my beloved Scream Factory. Get yourselves a copy, my mother-grabbers.



29 comments:

  1. My copy of this (along with blurays of Fist of Legend and 36th Chamber of Shaolin, because of your discussion on the Hero podcast) was supposed to arrive today but the shipment has been delayed due to weather. A bummer, because I was looking forward to a crazy, F This Movie!-endorsed foreign-action weekend. I haven't turned the same corner you have regarding Italian horror, it still leaves me completely cold, but I'm excited to see this Italian exploitation take on Mad Max. If nothing else, it'll just whet my appetite even more for Fury Road (if that's possible).

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    1. Speaking of which...have you considered adding Amazon links to the site? This isn't the first time I've bought movies based solely on your discussion/recommendation, I'd certainly like it better if you were getting a kickback from it.

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    2. I so appreciate that. I have tried a number of ways to begin generating revenue for the site but I don't want to do it in a way that ruins the reader experience or compromises having the best site possible. It has been a series of dead ends. I know I will never make a living at this, but would love to be able to do more for the site and continue to grow it.

      I'm taking your suggestion and will start adding Amazon links as an experiment. Thanks again for the idea and for your constant support!

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    3. Hey Patrick - I can't speak for everyone obviously but I think for the most part the readers of the site are eager to help out in whatever way we can and give back to you guys who give so much - I too buy a lot of stuff from Amazon based on your recommendations and would be happy to do it via link from this site - not sure if there are enough Canadians here to warrant it but a Amazon.ca link would be nice! :)

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    4. I'm not sure I can sign up for an Amazon.ca affiliate account, but I'll check it out. I appreciate your wanting to support us!

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    5. Also, I'm seeing this donation link a lot for websites: https://www.patreon.com

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    6. Is it just me but who else wants some Fthismovie memorabillia?


      T shirts, hats, fridge magnets?

      Anyone else?

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    7. Maybe even a paypal random donate button?

      You love the site and want to donate to just to help keep it going

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    8. T-shirts would be great, especially if they had key lines on them from the staff. "It's fine…", "That performance is from a different movie", a picture of the Quibbler, etc.

      I was also thinking Patrick should group certain reviews together and self publish a book on Amazon. I'd buy it.

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    9. Yeah I like that idea

      "Its fine" is a classic.

      "I'm an Ambitious Failure"

      "I got F ed on Fthismovie"

      "Movie love for Movie lovers"

      "F is for Family"

      I think we should all introduce ourselves by saying " Hello, my name is Patrick Bromley" it could become a thing, a bit like the Johnny knoxville skit on Jackass ;)

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    10. "You're Burnt" damn, so many good ones

      " I'm one of JB'S Babies"

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    11. I just want one t shirt of a drawing with Doug stalking Franka Potente through the streets / apartment complexes in Germany.

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  2. Awesome, thank you! As you know, I already have this one on the way but I just upgraded my Scarface DVD to bluray through the link you posted there. Real question because I don't know how things work: if I start at your link and add a bunch of stuff to my cart do you get a portion of the whole order or just the titles you link?

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  3. I just want to know why every movie like this has one guy with a headband on.

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    1. You'll understand when we're all living in the future.

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    2. Now I want to watch Steel Dawn again.

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    3. And when I have a flying motorcycle.

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  4. what a "coincidence":

    http://badassdigest.com/2015/03/06/italian-road-warrior-ripoffs-of-the-year-3000/

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    1. Is coincidence in quotation marks because you're suggesting one of us ripped the other off? I can assure you that is not the case.

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    2. no, it's in quotation marks because i genuinely thought f this movie was a site that talked about and reviewed movies because of a genuine passion for them, not because they're plied with products to endorse by a larger company.

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    3. Wait - so you genuinely got the point of this site and then so quickly dismiss it based on one "coincidence"? Tre uncool, Tre Tokyo.

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    4. Tre, can you honestly say you've listened to the show or read any of the content on the site and still come away feeling that any of it at all came from a place other than love of/passion for movies? I can assure you that is both deeply cynical and deeply untrue. Why would multiple sites not cover a new bluray from a company that caters to their passions?

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    5. Ok. So you were just questioning my integrity in a different way. Got it. Passive aggressive accusations aside, I was not "plied" with any product. I bought the movie. I wanted to write about it because I had something to say, same as I've done for the last five years on this site. I ran the piece this week because the movie was coming out on Blu-ray and people had a way of checking it out if they wanted. So feel free not to question my love of movies in the future.

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    6. Congratulations. After 5 years of writing this is the first time you wrote something that's not 100 % totally unique. Thats pretty amazing writing if you ask me ;)

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  5. Patrick and all of the F this crew have nothing but love invested into this site and their writings. Anyone who has been involved in this community knows that for a fact.

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  6. Please, oh please don't let this site become jaded because of trolls...

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  7. Don't get me wrong, I want to see the site prosper. I just fear increased popularity brings people who just want to stir shit, forcing the conversations away from the fun stuff we should be talking about. I want this place to succeed, but I selfishly kind of like it being my own little secret as well.

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    1. I appreciate you saying that. I promise that no matter how successful it becomes, I'll always try to run it like a well-kept secret. That would be a good problem to have. I welcome it.

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