by Adam Riske
Adam: Hi mom!
Adam’s Mom: Hi Adam!
Adam: Have you seen any good movies recently?
Adam’s Mom: Yes! Spotlight, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, The Jungle Book (2016), The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, The Idolmaker and Eddie and the Cruisers.
Adam: I still need to see those last two. You let me borrow them so I promise I’ll watch them soon, yo! Are there any movies coming out this summer that you’re looking forward to?
Adam’s Mom: Finding Dory.
Adam: I’m cautiously optimistic about that one. Switching gears, what do you think about the DC cinematic universe?
Adam’s Mom: They’ve done this thing too many times. The stories are getting trite and some of them are silly, like Batman v. Superman. I didn’t see it but it sounds silly.
Adam: If I could marry any famous actress, who would you want me to marry?
Adam’s Mom: Does she have to be single now?
Adam’s Mom: Jennifer Lopez. How do you like that, Adam? Would you mind?
Adam: Why Jennifer Lopez?
Adam’s Mom: Because she deserves to be happy and you’d be good to her. And you could do her marketing for her. Oh, and she likes younger guys.
Adam: That doesn’t sound too good to me.
Adam’s Mom: How about we change it to the girl from Spotlight?
Adam: Rachel McAdams? That sounds better.
Adam’s Mom: I don’t know if she likes younger guys but you could do her marketing and you could make her happy.
Adam: What is involved with “doing someone’s marketing”?
Adam’s Mom: You could promote/advance her career and get her good bookings.
Adam: But wouldn’t I be busy just being in love with her?
Adam’s Mom: No. You wouldn’t want to be a boy toy. You would want to earn your living.
Adam’s Mom: I don’t think she’s menacing looking enough. A man would be more ferocious/intimidating looking as a villain.
Adam: What is your response to my female readers who would be upset with you about your previous comment?
Adam’s Mom: I tell it like it is and you’ll get over it.
Adam: Doubling down, I see. If you could live in the universe of any one movie, what would it be?
Adam’s Mom: Jersey Boys, because it was in the 1950s and I like the 1950s. It would be kitschy.
Adam: But you were alive in the 1950s…
Adam’s Mom: I was only one!
Adam: Not the entire decade! What do you think about the future of cinema?
Adam’s Mom: I don’t.
Adam: If you could have lunch with any actress, living or dead, who would it be?
Adam’s Mom: Natalie Wood. She would tell me about how she died. We would solve the mystery.
Adam: What’s your favorite time of day to go to the movies?
Adam’s Mom: The last show in the evening on the weekend. It just seems like the time you should go.
Adam: But we never go to the movies at that time…
Adam’s Mom: I know.
Adam: What food would you like theaters to have at a concession stand that is not there already?
Adam’s Mom: Chinese food.
Adam: What’s your favorite sports movie?
Adam’s Mom: Draft Day. It wasn’t a typical sports movie. It was interesting.
Adam: Would you be ok with me marrying Daisy Ridley?
Adam’s Mom: Yes. She’d make you a good wife.
Adam: What do you have to say to the fact that I named Spring Breakers as my #2 movie of 2013?
Adam’s Mom: I think you’re crazy. Are you kidding? I think you’re doing it for their bodies. How could that be your #2 movie? You really like that movie? You’re sick. What was it, film noir or something?
Adam’s Mom: I thought it was a really good movie. Interesting. One of John Travolta’s best movies.
Adam: Do you want to see a picture of an actress I have a giant crush on? (Picture is of Jocelin Donahue)
Adam’s Mom: She’s real pretty. She reminds me of Victoria Beckham kind of.
Adam: Is she better for me than J.Lo?
Adam’s Mom: I would have to meet her and give her the third degree.
Adam: What actor(s) do you think I’d be friends with?
Adam’s Mom: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Because you could talk to them about movies and you’d think Affleck is funny because of all the wild things he does.
Adam: Like cheating on his wife?
Adam’s Mom: Yeah. Matt Damon and you would be laughing at him.
Adam: If you could only take one movie with you to a desert island, what would it be?
Adam’s Mom: Jersey Boys because of the music, and I’d sneak with Saturday Night Fever too.
Adam: What do you think about the prospect of sitting in a movie theater for 24 hours straight, watching horror movies?
Adam’s Mom: Too long of a time. I wouldn’t be able to sit still. It could be interesting though if they were all classic horror movies.
Adam: What’s one horror movie that you would want to see that you’ve never seen before?
Adam’s Mom: Mothra.
Adam’s Mom: Hi. Happy Mother’s Day! Read F This Movie! every week, especially Riske Business. How’s that?
Adam: Yeah that’s great. Love you Mom! Happy early Mother’s Day!
Adam’s Mom: I should interview you now.
Adam: Alright, what do you want to ask me?
Adam’s Mom: What would you rather be a writer, producer, director or an actor for a movie?
Adam: I would want to be an actor. I could get paid to kiss pretty actresses.
Adam’s Mom: Which actress would you want to marry?
Adam: Margot Robbie in Harley Quinn make-up.
Adam’s Mom: What actor would you like to meet if you could meet anybody?
Adam: Jimmy Stewart. Because…
Adam’s Mom: He had a wonderful life??? (Laughs)