by Adam Riske
Adam: Hi mom!
Adam’s Mom: Hi Adam!
Adam: Have you seen any good movies recently?
Adam’s Mom: Yes! Spotlight, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, The Jungle Book (2016), The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, The Idolmaker and Eddie and the Cruisers.
Adam: I still need to see those last two. You let me borrow them so I promise I’ll watch them soon, yo! Are there any movies coming out this summer that you’re looking forward to?
Adam’s Mom: Finding Dory.
Adam: I’m cautiously optimistic about that one. Switching gears, what do you think about the DC cinematic universe?
Adam’s Mom: They’ve done this thing too many times. The stories are getting trite and some of them are silly, like Batman v. Superman. I didn’t see it but it sounds silly.
Adam: If I could marry any famous actress, who would you want me to marry?
Adam’s Mom: Does she have to be single now?
Adam’s Mom: Jennifer Lopez. How do you like that, Adam? Would you mind?
Adam: Why Jennifer Lopez?
Adam’s Mom: Because she deserves to be happy and you’d be good to her. And you could do her marketing for her. Oh, and she likes younger guys.
Adam: That doesn’t sound too good to me.
Adam’s Mom: How about we change it to the girl from Spotlight?
Adam: Rachel McAdams? That sounds better.
Adam’s Mom: I don’t know if she likes younger guys but you could do her marketing and you could make her happy.
Adam: What is involved with “doing someone’s marketing”?
Adam’s Mom: You could promote/advance her career and get her good bookings.
Adam: But wouldn’t I be busy just being in love with her?
Adam’s Mom: No. You wouldn’t want to be a boy toy. You would want to earn your living.
Adam’s Mom: I don’t think she’s menacing looking enough. A man would be more ferocious/intimidating looking as a villain.
Adam: What is your response to my female readers who would be upset with you about your previous comment?
Adam’s Mom: I tell it like it is and you’ll get over it.
Adam: Doubling down, I see. If you could live in the universe of any one movie, what would it be?
Adam’s Mom: Jersey Boys, because it was in the 1950s and I like the 1950s. It would be kitschy.
Adam: But you were alive in the 1950s…
Adam’s Mom: I was only one!
Adam: Not the entire decade! What do you think about the future of cinema?
Adam’s Mom: I don’t.
Adam: If you could have lunch with any actress, living or dead, who would it be?
Adam’s Mom: Natalie Wood. She would tell me about how she died. We would solve the mystery.
Adam: What’s your favorite time of day to go to the movies?
Adam’s Mom: The last show in the evening on the weekend. It just seems like the time you should go.
Adam: But we never go to the movies at that time…
Adam’s Mom: I know.
Adam: What food would you like theaters to have at a concession stand that is not there already?
Adam’s Mom: Chinese food.
Adam: What’s your favorite sports movie?
Adam’s Mom: Draft Day. It wasn’t a typical sports movie. It was interesting.
Adam: Would you be ok with me marrying Daisy Ridley?
Adam’s Mom: Yes. She’d make you a good wife.
Adam: What do you have to say to the fact that I named Spring Breakers as my #2 movie of 2013?
Adam’s Mom: I think you’re crazy. Are you kidding? I think you’re doing it for their bodies. How could that be your #2 movie? You really like that movie? You’re sick. What was it, film noir or something?
Adam’s Mom: I thought it was a really good movie. Interesting. One of John Travolta’s best movies.
Adam: Do you want to see a picture of an actress I have a giant crush on? (Picture is of Jocelin Donahue)
Adam’s Mom: She’s real pretty. She reminds me of Victoria Beckham kind of.
Adam: Is she better for me than J.Lo?
Adam’s Mom: I would have to meet her and give her the third degree.
Adam: What actor(s) do you think I’d be friends with?
Adam’s Mom: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Because you could talk to them about movies and you’d think Affleck is funny because of all the wild things he does.
Adam: Like cheating on his wife?
Adam’s Mom: Yeah. Matt Damon and you would be laughing at him.
Adam: If you could only take one movie with you to a desert island, what would it be?
Adam’s Mom: Jersey Boys because of the music, and I’d sneak with Saturday Night Fever too.
Adam: What do you think about the prospect of sitting in a movie theater for 24 hours straight, watching horror movies?
Adam’s Mom: Too long of a time. I wouldn’t be able to sit still. It could be interesting though if they were all classic horror movies.
Adam: What’s one horror movie that you would want to see that you’ve never seen before?
Adam’s Mom: Mothra.
Adam’s Mom: Hi. Happy Mother’s Day! Read F This Movie! every week, especially Riske Business. How’s that?
Adam: Yeah that’s great. Love you Mom! Happy early Mother’s Day!
Adam’s Mom: I should interview you now.
Adam: Alright, what do you want to ask me?
Adam’s Mom: What would you rather be a writer, producer, director or an actor for a movie?
Adam: I would want to be an actor. I could get paid to kiss pretty actresses.
Adam’s Mom: Which actress would you want to marry?
Adam: Margot Robbie in Harley Quinn make-up.
Adam’s Mom: What actor would you like to meet if you could meet anybody?
Adam: Jimmy Stewart. Because…
Adam’s Mom: He had a wonderful life??? (Laughs)
Charlize Theron not menacing enough, huh? Has she SEEN Monster? :)ReplyDelete
"I tell it like it is and you’ll get over it." - Adam's Mom.ReplyDelete
Just remember guys, it's not your looks, your money, or your sense of humor that will win her over. It's your promotion and marketing skills (if only I'd known).ReplyDelete
Oh man, I love these - your mother's great. I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't have picked J-Lo for me and she'd be wrong. An angel if there ever was one on this Earth...ReplyDelete
Also, you and your moms just broke the Charlize/FF news to me and I LOVE it.
And, to reduce a lady to her level of attractiveness to me for just one moment, though I'm fairly in love with Rey ("Anakin-reincarnate" Skywalker - come on, that's the best available twist that keeps the franchise in the family isn't it?), Daisy Ridley as herself really doesn't do it for me for some reason.
"I tell it like it is and you’ll get over it."ReplyDelete
I love you Adam's Mom.
Adooorable. Too bad this is only a once a year thing. Why doesn't JLo sound good? Lol. I tried for 31 years to make a woman happy and nothing. And men always try to make me happy and I just feel for bad for them bc I don't think it works that way.ReplyDelete
My mom thinks Brooklyn is the greatest film ever made :(ReplyDelete