Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Doug Asks Patrick Questions About Movies

by Doug Schultz and Patrick Bromley
Patrick knows a lot about movies. Doug has seen Windtalkers dozens of times. In an effort to expand Doug's cinematic horizons, he'll be asking Patrick questions about movies in a column we're calling "Doug Asks Patrick Questions About Movies."

2016 was the worst. Speaking of the worst, what were some of the worst movies of the year?

Great question, Doug. I don't usually publish a "worst" list (with the exception of a couple movies JB and I mention on our annual "Overrated, Underrated, Ugly" podcast), but you've been my best friend for a long time so I'm going to do you a solid.

There are all kinds of ways one can approach a "worst" list. There are movies that are pure garbage, made with incompetence and almost impossible to watch. Most times, those are pretty small movies, often made my first-time filmmakers, and I would never want to pick on them. I'd prefer to name those movies with budgets and resources and, in most cases, the full support of big studios behind them. In that case, I think Independence Day: Resurgence is the worst movie I saw this year -- not because it's objectively worse than all the others (just most), but because it's got the worst resources-to-quality ratio of anything else that came out. I managed to skip a lot of the movies that would probably qualify for a "worst" list, but some other movies I really didn't like this year were the remake of Martyrs, The Angry Birds Movie (#MakeKidsDumbAgain) and The Brothers Grimsby, a movie that proves Sacha Baron Cohen is trying way, way too hard for shock laughs these days and is one of a few movies this year to commit the sin of wasting Scott Adkins.
I hope 2016 trips and falls. Speaking of trips, what are your favorite road trip movies?

Good question, Doug. I mean, there's Road Trip...that's totes obvi. I would love to sound highbrow and say It Happened One Night, which I like but which has never been my favorite screwball comedy, so I'll sound like a jackass and say my favorite road trip movie is probably The Sure Thing (#ZunigaFactor). It's the movie I watched on a loop years ago when I had mono. Some other favorites include: Thelma & Louise, Sullivan's Travels, National Lampoon's Vacation, My Blueberry NightsRace With the Devil, Lost in AmericaFlirting With Disaster, Two-Lane Blacktop, The Muppet Movie, Road GamesWild at Heart...Does Death Race 2000 count?

2016 can eat a dick. Speaking of eating, what are your favorite films about food?

Ok question, Doug. I'll admit that food movies are not my favorite, just like words used to describe food are most of my least favorite words. I like Ratatouille, but I should probably pick a movie that's not a cartoon. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre? Motel Hell? Again, not a great answer. Chef was...pleasant enough? I still haven't seen Big Night. Or La Grande Bouffe. And since I don't want to pick one of the hundreds of food documentaries about how everything I eat is killing me, I'll just say The Stuff and move on.
2016 was a giant pile of garbage. Speaking of giants, what are some of the best movie monsters in cinema history?

Not your best question, Doug. What are we calling movie monsters? Like giant monsters like Godzilla and King Kong and the graboids from Tremors? People-size monsters like Dracula and The Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon? Tiny Full Moon-style monsters like the ghoulies and the gremlins and the Crites? Because I love all of them. In fact, if you give a monster that isn't something drawn on a computer and I'm probably going to be happy.

Switching subjects, fuck 2016. Speaking of fucking, what 2017 movies look fucking amazing?

Great question, Doug. There's a lot to look forward to next year. Most of what we're hearing about are the big blockbusters like Spider-Man: Homecoming and Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and War for the Planet of the Apes and The Fate of the Furious, all of which released trailers recently and all of which look very much like a thing I want to see, albeit for different reasons. I'm cautiously optimistic about Kong: Skull Island and Logan and Dunkirk and even Alien: Covenant, which I still can't imagine is a good idea but which won me over with my favorite poster in a long time. Doesn't that new Blade Runner come out next year? Rian Johnson has the new Star Wars out next year. There are smaller movies I'm looking forward to, too. Even though I haven't seen any trailers or footage, I know that Joe Lynch and Adam Green and Eric England and Edgar Wright Sofia Coppola all have movies coming out next year. So there's certainly stuff I'm excited about. It's just too bad the world is going to end before we get a chance to see most of them.


  1. A new Edgar Wright movie next year is enough to keep me going and give me hope for the future. Fingers crossed for greatness on that one!

  2. Big Night is terrific and well worth seeking out.
    Nice to see Sullivan's Travels mentioned anywhere.
    I offer Midnight Run as one of the great road trip movies.
    Keep up the great work.

    1. Completely agree on big night. Absolutely fantastic little movie.

  3. Fans of road movies might want to check out Rich Hall's Continental Drifters from 2011. He's done a bunch of these sort of documentaries (this sort of documentary?) for the BBC, attempting to explain American culture filtered through its movies to a British audience, and they're all pretty good, although I might be biased as I love Rich. They're available on the Youtubes and probably elsewhere.

    Sullivan's Travels is worth 91 minutes of anyone's time.

    2016 can indeed eat many a dick. Last Week Tonight ended its most recent run with a bit that expressed this sentiment beautifully. Come back soon, Larry.

    I've always liked The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover. Come to think of it, doesn't that movie end with Michael Gambon being forced to eat a di... never mind.

  4. Wristcutters: A Love Story is a road movie that deserves some love. Have you seen it, PB? :)

  5. As far as movies about food are concerned, Tampopo is a delightful 1985 Japanese film about the transcendent power of noodles.

  6. 2017 is the year we get Xtro on Bluray, A Four disc special collectors edition, 4 disc! There is some hope...