by Doug Schultz and Patrick Bromley
2016 was the worst. Speaking of the worst, what were some of the worst movies of the year?
Great question, Doug. I don't usually publish a "worst" list (with the exception of a couple movies JB and I mention on our annual "Overrated, Underrated, Ugly" podcast), but you've been my best friend for a long time so I'm going to do you a solid.
There are all kinds of ways one can approach a "worst" list. There are movies that are pure garbage, made with incompetence and almost impossible to watch. Most times, those are pretty small movies, often made my first-time filmmakers, and I would never want to pick on them. I'd prefer to name those movies with budgets and resources and, in most cases, the full support of big studios behind them. In that case, I think Independence Day: Resurgence is the worst movie I saw this year -- not because it's objectively worse than all the others (just most), but because it's got the worst resources-to-quality ratio of anything else that came out. I managed to skip a lot of the movies that would probably qualify for a "worst" list, but some other movies I really didn't like this year were the remake of Martyrs, The Angry Birds Movie (#MakeKidsDumbAgain) and The Brothers Grimsby, a movie that proves Sacha Baron Cohen is trying way, way too hard for shock laughs these days and is one of a few movies this year to commit the sin of wasting Scott Adkins.
Good question, Doug. I mean, there's Road Trip...that's totes obvi. I would love to sound highbrow and say It Happened One Night, which I like but which has never been my favorite screwball comedy, so I'll sound like a jackass and say my favorite road trip movie is probably The Sure Thing (#ZunigaFactor). It's the movie I watched on a loop years ago when I had mono. Some other favorites include: Thelma & Louise, Sullivan's Travels, National Lampoon's Vacation, My Blueberry Nights, Race With the Devil, Lost in America, Flirting With Disaster, Two-Lane Blacktop, The Muppet Movie, Road Games, Wild at Heart...Does Death Race 2000 count?
2016 can eat a dick. Speaking of eating, what are your favorite films about food?
Ok question, Doug. I'll admit that food movies are not my favorite, just like words used to describe food are most of my least favorite words. I like Ratatouille, but I should probably pick a movie that's not a cartoon. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre? Motel Hell? Again, not a great answer. Chef was...pleasant enough? I still haven't seen Big Night. Or La Grande Bouffe. And since I don't want to pick one of the hundreds of food documentaries about how everything I eat is killing me, I'll just say The Stuff and move on.
Not your best question, Doug. What are we calling movie monsters? Like giant monsters like Godzilla and King Kong and the graboids from Tremors? People-size monsters like Dracula and The Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon? Tiny Full Moon-style monsters like the ghoulies and the gremlins and the Crites? Because I love all of them. In fact, if you give a monster that isn't something drawn on a computer and I'm probably going to be happy.
Switching subjects, fuck 2016. Speaking of fucking, what 2017 movies look fucking amazing?
Great question, Doug. There's a lot to look forward to next year. Most of what we're hearing about are the big blockbusters like Spider-Man: Homecoming and Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and War for the Planet of the Apes and The Fate of the Furious, all of which released trailers recently and all of which look very much like a thing I want to see, albeit for different reasons. I'm cautiously optimistic about Kong: Skull Island and Logan and Dunkirk and even Alien: Covenant, which I still can't imagine is a good idea but which won me over with my favorite poster in a long time. Doesn't that new Blade Runner come out next year? Rian Johnson has the new Star Wars out next year. There are smaller movies I'm looking forward to, too. Even though I haven't seen any trailers or footage, I know that Joe Lynch and Adam Green and Eric England and Edgar Wright Sofia Coppola all have movies coming out next year. So there's certainly stuff I'm excited about. It's just too bad the world is going to end before we get a chance to see most of them.