by Adam Riske
• Hidden Figures: It would get a full shelf on release date. Rent well for about a month. $9.99 starting PVT (previously viewed tape) price tier. Eventually drop to $6.99 PVT but no further. Popular Blockbuster Favorite when it moves from the New Release wall to Drama. It won’t be unheard of for teachers to rent this for their classes or Blockbuster Rewards members to pick as their “Favorite” they get a free rental with a full-priced New Release.
• The Big Sick: Half of a full shelf on release date. Popular choice among couples who come in ten minutes before closing and can’t decide what they want to watch so they stay for forty-five minutes while you’re trying to lock up. Big play on the Blockbuster in-store preview tape; maybe even an interview with the cast. Strong PVT sales at $9.99. Blockbuster Favorite in Comedy for twenty-plus years.
• The Hitman’s Bodyguard: Popular new release. Will get 2/3 of shelves on single wall upon release date. Buster customers will love it. They’ll ask all the time “Have you seen this?” and you’ll say “Yeah” and they’ll say “Isn’t it great?” and you’ll say “I dunno. It wasn’t for me” and they’ll give you the stink eye. $9.99 PVT full stop. Blockbuster Favorite in Action in perpetuity; or at least through 2029.
• Lowriders: We’ll get eight copies; I will recommend it to everyone and no one will ever take me up on it except for one guy that will come in and ask me what else I would recommend. He will then become my favorite customer. Five recommendations in, we will have our first disagreement and I’ll think he’s a total dick from then on.
The Mummy (2017): The infinite hubris of Dark Universe. We will have a full shelf (200+ copies easy) of this piece of shit on release date and never have less than 45 copies in-store. We will have so many copies of The Mummy that there will be an entire table of $6.99 PVT’s we’re trying to get rid of. They will become the bane of my existence for several months.
• A Ghost Story: Four cover boxes; about ten copies. One of your co-workers’ recommendation of choice for at least three months. Store manager will rent it a week before release date and say it’s the worst movie they’ve ever seen. Customers will come in and complain that they turned it off, want a refund and it’s the worst movie they’ve ever seen. They will also complain about the aspect ratio because they didn’t buy a big TV for a movie to not take up the whole screen.
• Birth of the Dragon: Single row on a shelf on release date. 18 copies in stock max. Rents ok week one (won’t be able to get it the first Saturday night). $6.99 PVT and eventually a $4.99 PVT. Will be a Blockbuster Favorite in Action in 2019. Out of stock completely by 2022 and no one (except Mark Ahn and I) will remember it.
Got a title you need to know about? Ask me in the comments and I’ll tell you how well it would do in the Busterverse!