Oliver Stone’s endless, fabrication-filled musical biopic The Doors has arrived on Blu-Ray 4K, which guarantees more vivid hallucinations and even more questionably metaphoric Native Americans along the roadside. In a bold and unprecedented marketing move, the disc producers have soaked the shrink-wrap, keep case, paper insert, and the disc itself in lysergic acid diethylamide, insuring that the dangerous, controversial drug seeps slowly into your blood stream as the movie unfolds.
While I am still thinking clearly, here’s the Plot in Brief: Jim Morrison is a little boy… No, wait… now he’s a teenager played by Val Kilmer, going to UCLA film school. No one likes his pretentious, arty student films, so he walks along the beach with Ray Manzarek (Kyle MacLachlan) and together they hatch a plan to get money from high school students for generations to come. They form a band called the Doors, which specializes in pretentious, arty student songs. Though in my deteriorating mental state, they may have doored a binge called the Floors. No, wait… this is The Doors in 4K.
Could this disc really be called The 4K Dorks?
Somewhere in all of this hallucinogenic montage of hooey, Frank Whaley, Kathleen Quinlan, Meg Ryan, Michael Madsen, Billy Idol, Floyd “Red Crow” Westerman, Wes Studi, Crispin Glover, and Kevin Dillon wander around, playing the parts of people who may or may not have really existed. Years after the film was released, writer/director Oliver Stone admitted that it may have been a mistake to make Kathleen Quinlan’s character an amalgam of five or six other people, but still call her “Patricia Kennealy,” a real journalist who was really romantically linked with the real Jim Morrison. Kennealy is really in the film too… or maybe she’s not. By the time Kevin Dillon appeared on screen, I was tripping balls, and I became convinced that Dillon was playing Brian Flagg, the character he played in The Blob, and I kept waiting for Dillon to introduce the Blob to Jim Morrison so that they could record a duet single together called “Blub.”
The Big Lebowski, Die Hard, and Goodfellas did not look to me appreciably different than their regular Blu-ray counterparts. Maybe it’s my old, 2K eyeballs. Don’t get me wrong here; the film looks fine. I’m just not sure that my readers with 4K capabilities will think the upgrade would justify the expense. (Think about that phrase: “4K capability.” It sounds like code for someone who is really good at weird sex stuff.)
The Doors in Norway?
As many other critics have pointed out. The film seems like an exercise in dressing actors up in Salvation Army thrift store-style clothes, elaborate wigs, and beards. I still remember the marketing campaign for this movie seemed to focus on Val Kilmer’s performance/impersonation. The trailer can be neatly summed up with, “Jesus Christ, he really looks and sounds like Morrison!”
Like the more recent Bohemiam Rhapsody and Rocketman, this film works best as a sort of big budget PowerPoint presentation that gives you something to look at while you listen to music that you really like through the powerful sound system at the theater.
I am now… convinced now… that this film continuously melts and reforms as Oliver Stone’s earlier, better films. Oh, look! It’s Platoon! Now it’s melting… Platoon again! Now it’s… Midnight Express! More melting… It’s morphed into Nixon! Bad Trip! Melting… melting… Oooh, what a world… Now it’s Alexander… Melting into Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps… now it’s Platoon again!
Shit, now it’s The Doors again.
The Durgin Flurgin Four-Way Sharts?
Here’s the trailer for the new 4K Final Cut. You can spot Rutowski at the 17- second mark and the 1:29 mark. See him? It’s DEATH!
This could be the longest film ever made. The new “Final Cut” is a little over two hours long, but it feels like five. Scratch that… it feels like ten. No, listen… listen… what I am trying to say is that I’m still watching it right now. I have always watched this film, and I will always be watching it.
It just is, man.