Killers 1996Before BIG scary spiders came creepy killers
Deathgasm (2016)All the demons was axing for it.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)Nancy fights frightful Freddy from fearful furnace.
The Witch (2015)VVhat vvo vvhese vvood vvitches vvant vvexactly?
Onibaba (1964)I just love this movie so much
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010!) - the remake! Michael Bay rapes your childhood once again. OR One... two... CGI Freddy's coming for you!
Ringu (1998)Raising a kid is hard. Oh well.
In Search of Darkness (2019, David A. Weiner)Just happy to nerd out over movies
The Fanatic 2019I'm amazed this film actually got made
Please watch The last horror film instead 1982
StageFright (1987)Keaton was unrecognisable as birdman in this.
Friday the 13th pt VIII: Jason Takes ManhattanI really tried to watch it all
Close Calls (2017) Cronenberg functions. Carpenter music. 80's slasher wardrobe.
Island of Lost Souls (1932)Meet Dr. Moreau, inventor of Rogaine Ultra
The Greasy Strangler (2016)Those expecting free drinks got bad information
The Exorcist (1973) dir. William FriedkinLankester Merrin...the coolest name in cinema?
Happy Death Day ( dir Christopher Landon, 2017)Bill Murray was excellent in this one.
Prom Night (2008)Please drag out king and queen subplot
Hands of the Ripper (1971)Shiny jewellery pushes catatonic woman to murder
Mother! (2017)Interpretation: rise and fall of MySpace’s Tom
OK this is my favorite seven word review so far!
Just Before Dawn (1981)Suspenseful origin story of a power couple.
Don't look now 1973Don't wear a red coat in Venice
OrAmazing to see actors doing dangerous stunts
I am the pretty thing that lives in this house (2016)Another solid slow burn from Osgood Perkins
Cabin Fever (2003)What goes best with poison water? Pancakes.
You was warned "Don't sit near Dennis"
The Frighteners (1996)Jeffery Combs totally bonkers with an Uzi
The Premature Burial (1962)Guy afraid of box; goes into box.
Near Dark (1987, dir. Kathryn Bigelow)Vampires make the worst bar customers, right?
ONE CUT OF THE DEAD (2017): Break the fourth wall! AND the fifth!
Fright Night Part 2 (1989, dir. Tommy Lee Wallace)Entertaining carbon copy of the original classic.
The Changeling (1980, dir. Peter Medak)Guys, he just wants his wheelchair back.
Your all doomed"YouTube Documentary on Friday the 13th film"Fake head with real axe or vice-versa
The Evil Dead (1981)Airbnb got off to a rocky start...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)Like any good prequel, answers unasked questions
The Furies (2019)If thy right eye offends thee... Gaaaaaaa!
An American Werewolf in London (1981)"Did YOU ever talk to a corpse?"
Body Bags (1993, dir John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper) Carpenter, will you be my Crypt Keeper? ♥
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986, dir. F This Movie Patron Saint Tobe Hooper)Why is Franklin still in his wheelchair?
And still doing fart noises at 30
The Masque of the Red Death (1964, dir. Roger Corman)Vincent Price throws one swinging plague party.
The Fan (1982)Some friendly advice: Never eat your heroes.
Hocus Pocus (1993) The password's "Fidelio" for Allison's parents'party.
Hocus Pocus (1993, dir. Kenny Ortega)Cool vibe. Still don’t get the love.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Killer Klowns from outer spacePerfect piece of painstakingly Practical performing pandemonium
Disconnected (1984)Unsure what’s happening and I like that.
Peeping Tom (1960)You know it’s more like Murdering Tom.
The Fly (1986)That's how you go Over the Top.
Lake Mungo (2010)Fun Fact: Ghosts hate high quality cameras.
The Last Man on Earth (1964)1960s black and white horror's my jam
Happy Death Day 2U (2019) What company offers same day parachuting lessons?
CandymanI was told there would be candy.
Just before dawn 81Camping doesn't seem like fun to me
Happy Death Day (2017)Groundhog Day + Black Christmas's dumb millennial spawn
In the Tall Grass (2019)Ross Humboldt eh? Yep...definitely Stephen King.
Starry Eyes (2014)Good thing I don't have any ambition
Three From Hell (2019)Can’t unhear Will Forte in Moseley’s voice
Vampyres (1974)Uber’s basically food delivery for hitchhiking vampires
The Innkeepers (2011)Hotel employees shouldn't play with dead things
The Devils Rejects (2005)The hotel maid has REALLY bad day!
Little Shop of Horrors (1986)Really weird episode of the Muppet Show.
Tales From The Crypt Demon Knight (1995)When Billy Zane chews all the scenery it's a sight to behold.
C.H.U.D. (1984)Second most iconic shower scene ever filmed.
Hatchet (2006)Swamp tour better than Jungle Cruise trailer.
Tragedy Girls (Tyler MacIntyre, 2017)These gals will kill to be famous.
Midsommar (2019)Family gets hosed. Friends end up smoked.
Creepshow 2 (1987) dir. Michael GornickMichael Bay gets eaten on a raft.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) dir. Steve MinerInteresting, Crystal Lake is my stage name.
Bone Tomahawk (2015)Sometimes a journey will split you apart.
Ginger Snaps(2000) The bonds of sisterhood go beyond lycanthropy.
SILENT HILL (2006):Yeah, I watched it again. Fight me.
Scream 3 (2000, dir. Wes Craven)Parker Posey's performance promised a perfect picture.
"Armed Response" (2017, Dir. John Stockwell)Title suggests only rational course of action.OrJesus Christ, please hire some real actors.
CIRCUS OF HORRORS (1960) Evil surgeon. Bear attacks. Stock footage. Bingo!
Scream 3 (2000) Dir. Wes CravenThere's literally 4 fake deaths in this...
It Chapter 2 (2019)Bullied kids bully alien that bullied bullies.
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)Spoiler: Nobody actually is scared to death
Asylum (1972)Guess which segment MARK JONES should've directed.
The Shining (1980, dir. Stanley Kubrick)Jack destroys scenery with more than axe.
One Cut of the Dead (2017)Then Deadpool jumped in, winking at camera
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)One of my all-time favorite scores.
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)Slater's got those emergency bedside table Doritos.
Houzu (1977)From wartime traumaSenses transubstantiateIncandescent fruit
^wins contest^
Malevolence (2004)Get Mike Myers masks for next robbery
THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE (1982): Power drill both innovative and wildly inefficient.
MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008) The Green Line’s technically a meat trolley.
Phantom of the Paradise (1974, dir. Brian De Palma)Clearly J.K. Rowling was a fan...parallels?
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)The Truman Show darker than I remembered.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER (1988)Alice and some creative kills; liked it.ORSomething is wrong with that dog’s urine.
Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)Alternative title: Sensible Mustache Meets Outlandish Mustache
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD (1989)Not sure about what I watched here.
FREDDY’S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE (1991)Think there were more Nightmares after thisOrSaw the ending in 3-D. Good Fun.
The Uncanny (1977)Cat entertainment pre-Youtube was WILD
Jigsaw (2017)Frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!
Texas Chainsaw (2013) Just imagine a Daddario and Stretch crossover.
Dawn of the Dead (2004, dir. Zack Snyder)Still prefer the original, but not bad
Hereditary (2018)Toni Collette in Cars Getting Paranormal Activity
Slender Man (2018, dir. Sylvain White)Eddie Vedder discovers Slender Man. Writes ballad.
Lake of Dracula (1971)So Dracula's just any pale caped guy?
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)Lenore Aubert could bite me any time.OrBut they never DO actually meet Frankenstein.
Tales of Halloween (2015)Summarising ten stories in seven words is
Invaders from Mars (1953, dir. William Cameron Menzies)Tobe's aliens were way cooler than these.
Phantasm 2 (1988, Don Coscarelli)Reggie was excited to finally use chainsaw
The Belko Experiment (2016)Should have submitted your TPS reports timely.
Killers 1996
ReplyDeleteBefore BIG scary spiders came creepy killers
Deathgasm (2016)
ReplyDeleteAll the demons was axing for it.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
ReplyDeleteNancy fights frightful Freddy from fearful furnace.
The Witch (2015)
ReplyDeleteVVhat vvo vvhese vvood vvitches vvant vvexactly?
Onibaba (1964)
ReplyDeleteI just love this movie so much
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010!) - the remake!
ReplyDeleteMichael Bay rapes your childhood once again.
OR
One... two... CGI Freddy's coming for you!
Ringu (1998)
ReplyDeleteRaising a kid is hard. Oh well.
In Search of Darkness (2019, David A. Weiner)
ReplyDeleteJust happy to nerd out over movies
The Fanatic 2019
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed this film actually got made
Please watch The last horror film instead 1982
ReplyDeleteStageFright (1987)
ReplyDeleteKeaton was unrecognisable as birdman in this.
Friday the 13th pt VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
ReplyDeleteI really tried to watch it all
Close Calls (2017)
ReplyDeleteCronenberg functions. Carpenter music. 80's slasher wardrobe.
Island of Lost Souls (1932)
ReplyDeleteMeet Dr. Moreau, inventor of Rogaine Ultra
The Greasy Strangler (2016)
ReplyDeleteThose expecting free drinks got bad information
The Exorcist (1973) dir. William Friedkin
ReplyDeleteLankester Merrin...the coolest name in cinema?
Happy Death Day ( dir Christopher Landon, 2017)
ReplyDeleteBill Murray was excellent in this one.
Prom Night (2008)
ReplyDeletePlease drag out king and queen subplot
Hands of the Ripper (1971)
ReplyDeleteShiny jewellery pushes catatonic woman to murder
Mother! (2017)
ReplyDeleteInterpretation: rise and fall of MySpace’s Tom
OK this is my favorite seven word review so far!
DeleteJust Before Dawn (1981)
ReplyDeleteSuspenseful origin story of a power couple.
Don't look now 1973
ReplyDeleteDon't wear a red coat in Venice
Or
DeleteAmazing to see actors doing dangerous stunts
I am the pretty thing that lives in this house (2016)
ReplyDeleteAnother solid slow burn from Osgood Perkins
Cabin Fever (2003)
ReplyDeleteWhat goes best with poison water? Pancakes.
You was warned "Don't sit near Dennis"
DeleteThe Frighteners (1996)
ReplyDeleteJeffery Combs totally bonkers with an Uzi
The Premature Burial (1962)
ReplyDeleteGuy afraid of box; goes into box.
Near Dark (1987, dir. Kathryn Bigelow)
ReplyDeleteVampires make the worst bar customers, right?
ONE CUT OF THE DEAD (2017):
ReplyDeleteBreak the fourth wall! AND the fifth!
Fright Night Part 2 (1989, dir. Tommy Lee Wallace)
ReplyDeleteEntertaining carbon copy of the original classic.
The Changeling (1980, dir. Peter Medak)
ReplyDeleteGuys, he just wants his wheelchair back.
Your all doomed
ReplyDelete"YouTube Documentary on Friday the 13th film"
Fake head with real axe or vice-versa
The Evil Dead (1981)
ReplyDeleteAirbnb got off to a rocky start...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
ReplyDeleteLike any good prequel, answers unasked questions
The Furies (2019)
ReplyDeleteIf thy right eye offends thee... Gaaaaaaa!
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
ReplyDelete"Did YOU ever talk to a corpse?"
Body Bags (1993, dir John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper)
ReplyDeleteCarpenter, will you be my Crypt Keeper? ♥
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986, dir. F This Movie Patron Saint Tobe Hooper)
ReplyDeleteWhy is Franklin still in his wheelchair?
And still doing fart noises at 30
DeleteThe Masque of the Red Death (1964, dir. Roger Corman)
ReplyDeleteVincent Price throws one swinging plague party.
The Fan (1982)
ReplyDeleteSome friendly advice: Never eat your heroes.
Hocus Pocus (1993)
ReplyDeleteThe password's "Fidelio" for Allison's parents'party.
Hocus Pocus (1993, dir. Kenny Ortega)
ReplyDeleteCool vibe. Still don’t get the love.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKiller Klowns from outer space
DeletePerfect piece of painstakingly Practical performing pandemonium
Disconnected (1984)
ReplyDeleteUnsure what’s happening and I like that.
ReplyDeletePeeping Tom (1960)
You know it’s more like Murdering Tom.
The Fly (1986)
ReplyDeleteThat's how you go Over the Top.
Lake Mungo (2010)
ReplyDeleteFun Fact: Ghosts hate high quality cameras.
The Last Man on Earth (1964)
ReplyDelete1960s black and white horror's my jam
Happy Death Day 2U (2019)
ReplyDeleteWhat company offers same day parachuting lessons?
Candyman
ReplyDeleteI was told there would be candy.
Just before dawn 81
ReplyDeleteCamping doesn't seem like fun to me
Happy Death Day (2017)
ReplyDeleteGroundhog Day + Black Christmas's dumb millennial spawn
In the Tall Grass (2019)
ReplyDeleteRoss Humboldt eh? Yep...definitely Stephen King.
Starry Eyes (2014)
ReplyDeleteGood thing I don't have any ambition
Three From Hell (2019)
ReplyDeleteCan’t unhear Will Forte in Moseley’s voice
Vampyres (1974)
ReplyDeleteUber’s basically food delivery for hitchhiking vampires
The Innkeepers (2011)
ReplyDeleteHotel employees shouldn't play with dead things
The Devils Rejects (2005)
ReplyDeleteThe hotel maid has REALLY bad day!
Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
ReplyDeleteReally weird episode of the Muppet Show.
Tales From The Crypt Demon Knight (1995)
ReplyDeleteWhen Billy Zane chews all the scenery it's a sight to behold.
C.H.U.D. (1984)
ReplyDeleteSecond most iconic shower scene ever filmed.
Hatchet (2006)
ReplyDeleteSwamp tour better than Jungle Cruise trailer.
Tragedy Girls (Tyler MacIntyre, 2017)
ReplyDeleteThese gals will kill to be famous.
Midsommar (2019)
ReplyDeleteFamily gets hosed. Friends end up smoked.
Creepshow 2 (1987) dir. Michael Gornick
ReplyDeleteMichael Bay gets eaten on a raft.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) dir. Steve Miner
ReplyDeleteInteresting, Crystal Lake is my stage name.
Bone Tomahawk (2015)
ReplyDeleteSometimes a journey will split you apart.
Ginger Snaps(2000) The bonds of sisterhood go beyond lycanthropy.
ReplyDeleteSILENT HILL (2006):
ReplyDeleteYeah, I watched it again. Fight me.
Scream 3 (2000, dir. Wes Craven)
ReplyDeleteParker Posey's performance promised a perfect picture.
"Armed Response" (2017, Dir. John Stockwell)
ReplyDeleteTitle suggests only rational course of action.
Or
Jesus Christ, please hire some real actors.
CIRCUS OF HORRORS (1960)
ReplyDeleteEvil surgeon. Bear attacks. Stock footage. Bingo!
Scream 3 (2000) Dir. Wes Craven
ReplyDeleteThere's literally 4 fake deaths in this...
It Chapter 2 (2019)
ReplyDeleteBullied kids bully alien that bullied bullies.
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
ReplyDeleteSpoiler: Nobody actually is scared to death
Asylum (1972)
ReplyDeleteGuess which segment MARK JONES should've directed.
The Shining (1980, dir. Stanley Kubrick)
ReplyDeleteJack destroys scenery with more than axe.
One Cut of the Dead (2017)
ReplyDeleteThen Deadpool jumped in, winking at camera
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
ReplyDeleteOne of my all-time favorite scores.
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)
ReplyDeleteSlater's got those emergency bedside table Doritos.
Houzu (1977)
ReplyDeleteFrom wartime trauma
Senses transubstantiate
Incandescent fruit
^wins contest^
DeleteMalevolence (2004)
ReplyDeleteGet Mike Myers masks for next robbery
THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE (1982):
ReplyDeletePower drill both innovative and wildly inefficient.
MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008)
ReplyDeleteThe Green Line’s technically a meat trolley.
Phantom of the Paradise (1974, dir. Brian De Palma)
ReplyDeleteClearly J.K. Rowling was a fan...parallels?
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
ReplyDeleteThe Truman Show darker than I remembered.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER (1988)
ReplyDeleteAlice and some creative kills; liked it.
OR
Something is wrong with that dog’s urine.
Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)
ReplyDeleteAlternative title: Sensible Mustache Meets Outlandish Mustache
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD (1989)
ReplyDeleteNot sure about what I watched here.
FREDDY’S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE (1991)
ReplyDeleteThink there were more Nightmares after this
Or
Saw the ending in 3-D. Good Fun.
The Uncanny (1977)
ReplyDeleteCat entertainment pre-Youtube was WILD
Jigsaw (2017)
ReplyDeleteFrickin' laser beams attached to their heads!
Texas Chainsaw (2013)
ReplyDeleteJust imagine a Daddario and Stretch crossover.
Dawn of the Dead (2004, dir. Zack Snyder)
ReplyDeleteStill prefer the original, but not bad
Hereditary (2018)
ReplyDeleteToni Collette in Cars Getting Paranormal Activity
Slender Man (2018, dir. Sylvain White)
ReplyDeleteEddie Vedder discovers Slender Man. Writes ballad.
Lake of Dracula (1971)
ReplyDeleteSo Dracula's just any pale caped guy?
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)
ReplyDeleteLenore Aubert could bite me any time.
Or
But they never DO actually meet Frankenstein.
Tales of Halloween (2015)
ReplyDeleteSummarising ten stories in seven words is
Invaders from Mars (1953, dir. William Cameron Menzies)
ReplyDeleteTobe's aliens were way cooler than these.
Phantasm 2 (1988, Don Coscarelli)
ReplyDeleteReggie was excited to finally use chainsaw
The Belko Experiment (2016)
ReplyDeleteShould have submitted your TPS reports timely.