Now that the worst of COVID-19 in America seems to be over, now that more people are getting vaccinated, now that we are all getting back to normal, and now that the weather is getting warmer, I find myself wondering why all the stores aren’t putting all their Halloween stuff out for sale yet. My sense of time is that damaged. If you, like me, wonder why we are not celebrating Halloween in three weeks, here’s some things you can do.
GET READY FOR BREAKFAST: This fall, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of their monster cereals, General Mills will be offering something called Monster Mash for the very first time. The cereal itself seems to be an amalgam of Boo-Berry and Fruit Brute, but the real selling point here are the four (4) different types of marshmallows in the mix: a yellow ghost, an orange ghost, a chocolate bat, and what looks like a hunk of well-done steak. I have no idea how this will all taste. Some wags on the Twitter machine are already taking General Mills to task for fabricating the cereal portion from “corn,” instead of the clearly superior and tastier “oats.” All I know is that with this many marshmallows in the mix, my readers are going to need to spend the next several months “working their way up to” what is essentially eating your body weight in sugar every morning in October. Start small.
There was Bone-Ana, which was discontinued because the yellow dye permanently stained children’s teeth. There was Crea-Cherry from the Cereal Lagoon, which not only turned the milk green, it curdled it. Fun. Based on the comments we received, we were a little too successful at this game. Many friends and family members thought the history we were talking about was real. We were finally busted when we used an all-too-familiar graphic from a popular phone game app to illustrate Zom-Bee Crunch, which of course was hurriedly taken off the market when a miscommunication between General Mills and their Chinese co-packer resulted in cereal boxes full of live, buzzing bees instead of honey-flavored cereal.Chasing Dreams with Mike: How many dinosaurs did you count? That last big drop’s a doozy, isn’t it? I love the little whimpering noises the videographer makes.
BUY SOME MOVIES: Last week, Shout Factory released a spiffy new Blu-ray of the 1976 Dino De Laurentiis King Kong. Today, Shout Factory releases Eyes of a Stranger and He Knows You’re Alone; Severin releases Day of the Animals (in which you can witness a bare-chested Leslie Nielsen fight a bear-chested grizzly) and, for more fun, perennial ursine favorite Grizzly, starring Christopher George, the Human Cigarette. Next Tuesday, JJ Abrams’ paean to the films of Steven Spielberg, Super 8, arrives on 4K Blu-ray, along with Hitchcock’s Psycho and The Birds, free at last from the tyranny of their original, expensive 4K boxset. Paramount is also re-releasing the seminal Don’t Look Now and Rosemary’s Baby on Blu-ray for more creeps and lack of sleeps.
If Severin’s recent Dungeon of Andy Milligan boxset is any indication, its Euro-Crypt of Christopher Lee collection should be another home run. It too is being released on May 25th. Monkey Punch Lizard is being released on 4K Blu-ray on June 15. Arrow is releasing Dario Argento’s crazy good The Bird with the Crystal Plumage on 4K Blu-ray disc in a fun little box set on June 29th. Taken together with any five films from the Milligan boxset, that’s a total of 24 films that will keep you busy... at the rate of one a week... until... Halloween! You’re welcome.
Let’s face it, dear readers. Halloween is a state of mind. Save me a fun-sized Snickers?