Friday, July 26, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (July 26)

Mike Seaver's at it again. Do yourself a favor and skip this, because SHEESH. Hey Kirk, Joel Osteen called! He misses Boner! Sad face.

The Dirties
Release date: TBA

It's like Elephant crossed with Chronicle (pro tip: filmmakers love it when you reduce their passion projects down to a super basic comparison of two earlier movies. LOVE IT.). Don't let Kevin Smith's ringing endorsement ("This is the most important film you will see all year" -Kevin Smith, taking a break from talking about his wife's taint) dissuade you from seeing it. It looks good! And by good, I mean interesting and haunting and serious and not at all like Red State. So, you know ... "good." Here's Patrick's review from earlier this year.

Release date: TBA

Are we in the middle of a Korean cinema renaissance? That's awfully reductionistic (WORD?), but sure, why not! I've seen about four previews for this film (international, teaser, etc.), and I'm still not quite sure I have a handle on the plot. I mean, I GET that it's a dystopian future, and that Captain America somehow saves the day (or does he?). And yes, they have to TAKE THE ENGINE (alternate title?). But I'm a little fuzzy on some of the other details. WHO IS WILFORD? In the spirit of over-simplification, I'm gonna go with ... DIE HARD ON A TRAIN! Jay kay! It's Elysium on a train. DUR!

47 Ronin
Release date: Dec. 25, 2013

Sure, this looks fine and all (although, not really?), but what about DIRECTOR Keanu Reeves' other martial arts film, Man of Tai Chi? When's THAT coming out?

The To Do List
Release date: July 26, 2013

So, this opens TODAY, but I missed featuring it before because of all the #Junesploitation hullabaloo. If you haven't seen it yet, here you go! Cross your fingers that Aubrey Plaza doesn't suffer from Rebel Wilson's recent bout with "overexposureitis." Ugh ... that's probably the dumbest thing I'll type all day, and I instantly regret it. I can't leave you with that turd -- allow me to make up for it ... with this!

Willow Creek
Release date: TBA

In F This Movie!'s neck of the woods, Willow Creek is a mega church (some, not all, refer to it as a "cult" [but who are we to judge?]). It is NOT a Blair Witch Project-inspired found footage horror movie directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. Definitely not that. Shakes the Clown? More like shakes the tent (OK, this might be the dumbest thing I've typed all day).

Cold Comes the Night
Release date: TBA

Lots of TBA release dates this week (sorry?). Remember when I said last week that Out of the Furnace was "gritty"? Yeah. Bryan Cranston does his best Teddy KGB impersonation, because we all know that Russians are the scariest white guys.

In a World ...
Release date: Aug. 9, 2013

Hey! They stole the title for their movie from this column! I'm sure of it! Another thing I'm sure of? No one knows Lake Bell as a writer/director. More like the creepy hot chick from No Strings Attached, or from that one time she got topless (that's right) in an episode How to Make It in America [private message Patrick for the GIF]. IRREGARDLESS (is not a word), this looks charming enough, and Sundance said to it, "Hey! In a World! I like the cut of your screenplay!" So I'm in.

Release date: TBA

Documentary about the smrtest guy in the room, if you're into that sort of thing. #dodougsjobforhim


  1. Hey! That's not fair! Kevin Smith hasn't talked about licking his wife's asshole in over a year! Still...


  2. Did Kevin Smith sit in for Patrick in the Silent Night, Deadly Night commentary? ;)