Thursday, January 14, 2016

Riske Business: Random Thoughts About 2016 Movies (January-February)

by Adam Riske
It looks like it will be a rough couple of months, yo!

Anomalisa is good. The animation is astonishing and it’s often quite funny. You should see it. It will make you want to eat chili.

• I probably would not have seen The Forest if it was not the first movie released in 2016. I don’t care how bad the movie is; if it’s the first movie released in a year, I’ll go see it. I’m weird like that.

• I would be much more interested in 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi if it wasn’t directed by Michael Bay. He’s just about on my blacklist. That aside, the trailer looks ok for a January movie.

• I know I’m not supposed to look at my phone during trailers but every time the trailer for The 5th Wave comes on, I check my phone. This movie looks like a hurricane of shit. Do YAs know how dumb YA movies are? Just curious. I would rather have mono than see this movie.

• Being that I’m just about alone in liking the movie Annabelle, I am very much looking forward to the next killer doll movie, The Boy. Don’t judge me.

Norm of the North is my new go-to for when I’m trying to think of an example of a generic and terrible looking animated movie.

2Ride2Along looks rough. The first one was super lame. I will pay Kevin Hart $1M to make a movie that doesn’t suck. But not really.
• I want to see Son of Saul because I’m supposed to want to see Son of Saul but I really do not want to see Son of Saul.

• Michael Moore still makes movies that get theatrical releases? Sorry, I jumped off the wagon after Sicko. #WhereToInvadeNext

• I want to see 45 Years like I wanted to see Amour. I still have not seen Amour.

• I do however, for reasons unclear to even me, want to see Dirty Grandpa. I have no taste?

• I wouldn’t go see The Lady in the Van even if Daisy Ridley were holding my hand the entire time. Screw that, I would rather have someone pick me up by the ankles and slam my sternum against a wall than see The Lady in the Van.

• Marlon Wayans needs Fifty Shades of Black much more than audiences need Fifty Shades of Black.

• Alright, fine! I’ll go see The Finest Hours if you stop playing the trailer already! #CoastGahd #Waaataa #HuwacaneStwangth #Betta #T2Taynka
• I didn’t see Kung Fu Panda 2 so there is no need for me to see Kung Fu Panda 3.

• I’m betting, because of all of the delays, that Jane Got a Gun will be terrible but I still want to see it.

• The choice I will make on February 5th is to not see The Choice.

• I like Coen Brothers dramas. I don’t like their comedies. They just aren’t for me. I’m not super excited for Hail, Caesar!

• The girls in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are very pretty (Lily James woooooooo!). That said I have no interest in zombie movies anymore. It’s too overdone. I’d be more likely to see this movie if it were just another adaptation of Pride and Prejudice.

Deadpool looks really really really smug. I understand that is the point of the character but my goodness.

• The rule of comedy sequels foretells that Zoolander 2 will suck.
How to Be Single? Dakota Johnson. Sure. Alison Brie. One please. Rebel Wilson. I don’t want to see this anymore. Is there a Rebel Wilson-less cut of this movie?

Race. I’ll go see this if you give me a B+ on my book report. Do schools still do book reports? This movie looks like homework is my point. Why is Chadwick Boseman not starring in this?

Risen is not for me. But if it’s for you, go nuts.

Eddie the Eagle looks sooooooooooo generic.

• CGI crapfest, thy name is Gods of Egypt.

• OOOOOOOHHHH! I want to see Triple Nine! That cast is off the hook. I’m kind of afraid, though, that this will be 2016’s Sabotage.

• I’ve heard a lot of buzz about The Witch so I’m looking forward to seeing it. A24!
What movies are you looking forward to in January and February? Are you just going to go see Star Wars over and over? That sounds like a good plan to me!


  1. Alan Rickman has passed away. Between this and Bowie passing away (both were 69) 2016 has already started really rough. :'( Maybe it's time I open the shrink-wrapped DVD copy of "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" (a movie I've never seen) and knock back a couple in honor or Hans 'Bubby' Gruber.

    1. Holy shit. There goes my day.

    2. Oh, what a bummer. You´re right, the year starts rough.
      But you should definitely watch Robin Hood. Rickman´s role is a wonderful piece of grand overacting and clearly the best thing the movie has to offer.

    3. I can't believe we live in a world where Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Philip Seymour Hoffman, James Gandolfini, Heath Ledger and Robin Williams are all dead :(

    4. I just rewatched "Galaxy Quest" on Netflix. I've seen it plenty, but man, this is a goddamn perfect movie. Rickman is excellent as the Mr. Spock-type Shakesperean actor who learns to love the role he's been saddled with. Everyone else in the cast is aces, though, particularly Sam Rockwell and Tim Allen. Knowing that an actual "Galaxy Quest" TV series is in the works only makes the opening and closing scenes of the movie all the more remarkable and prescient. By Grabthar's hammer, Rickman's death shall be avanged... by none of us ever forgetting what a great actor he was. :'( :-)

  2. The two on that list I am most interested in are The Boy and The Witch. I'm keeping expectations low but I really hope they're both good. Surprisingly, I really like the design of the doll for The Boy! I am worried about the film being nothing but jump scares though.

    I'm looking forward to "Synchronicity" (Jan. 22) It's from the creators of The Signal (2007) which I'm a big fan of.

    Speaking of The Signal, looking forward to "Southbound" (Feb. 9) It's an indie Horror anthology with a wrap around. It features one of the directors of The Signal and the co-director of Entrance (and The Pact II, which is pointless an woeful) so we'll see!

    There is an indie horror/thriller called "Black Mountain Side" (Jan. 26) that I have quietly been keeping my eye on that might be promising. I'm a sucker for films that take place in snow and the tagline for this is "There is something under the ice". I believe it was shot in Canada.

    I'm looking forward to seeing the Martyrs (Feb. 2) remake just because it shouldn't exist. Although by that logic I should see Fifty Shades of Black too.

  3. "Deadpool," "Hail Caesar" and that's it for Jan-Feb. The moment I knew "P&P with Zombies" was a PG-13 flick my interest in seeing it died. "The Witch" comes highly recommended by Heather, Patrick and the Killer POV podcast, so that will merit serious movie-going consideration. :-)

  4. I don't know why your jab at Norm of the North is so funny. I agree with almost all of your thoughts except... I am looking forward to Hail, Cesar! and while the first trailer I saw mildly intrigued me, I will not see The Finest Hours. I will happily use those hashtags though.

  5. I can't wait too see how big a mess Gods Of Egypt will be. I hope it's this year's Pan/Fantastic Four where I'm completely baffled from beginning to end.

  6. I was planning to watch Anomalisa last night but had to work late instead. Will probably see Hail, Caesar! although I concede Coen comedies are hit or miss. I also agree with your comments regarding Michael Bay and Rebel Wilson. So, yes, that leaves The Force Awakens as my top choice before it leaves the big IMAX theater at the end of January.

  7. Well, most of the movies will start here on other dates but anyway. I think your list goes for me like this...

    Anomalisa - maybe
    The Forest - on DVD maybe
    13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - maybe on the big screen, despite Michael Bay directing
    The 5th Wave - maybe next week because there is no other half interesting movie starting that week
    The Boy - maybe on DVD
    Norm of the North - no
    2Ride2Along - absolutely never ever
    Son of Saul - surely on DVD
    #WhereToInvadeNext - on TV maybe
    45 Years - yes, because Andrew Haighs "Weekend" was fantasic and I loved his HBO series "Looking"
    Dirty Grandpa - maybe on DVD
    The Lady in the Van - on TV, just for Maggie Smith
    Fifty Shades of Black - no, under no circumstances will I ever see this
    The Finest Hours - yes, but not expecting much
    Kung Fu Panda 3 - nope
    Jane Got a Gun - of course
    The Choice - never heard of that...searhing IMDB...huh a Sparks crap no
    Hail, Caesar! - yes, loved the trailer despite usually avoiding comedies
    Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - no, can we please get rid of this Grahame-Smith guy?
    Deadpool - of course
    Zoolander 2 - Stiller? Owens? I´m out
    How to Be Single? - Nooo way
    Race - maybe, but more likely on DVD
    Risen - maybe on DVD
    Eddie the Eagle - no, looks totally uninteresting
    Gods of Egypt - only if that week starts nothing else, and being a bad person, maybe just to watch the presumed desaster unfold right before my eyes...and maybe because Brenton Thwaites is so cute...
    Triple Nine - absolutely yes - and don´t remind me of Sabotage please
    The Witch - yes of course

    From the german releases during this time, I plan to watch Brooklyn, Hateful Eight, Concussion, Midnight Special, Spotlight and maybe Point Break, but that one has a big question mark.

  8. With the exception of The Big Lebowski, I'm usually into Coen comedies but not their dramas. I thought Romance and Cigarettes by John Turturro was a little in their style but surpassed their films. It had a terrible ending but was super fresh. I don't want you to be right about Zoolander 2!

    1. See, and I eat up their serious, more contemplative and morally ambiguous films but rarely connect to their lighter fare.

      So No Country for Old Men, Miller's Crossing, Fargo and Blood Simple just don't do it for you?

    2. Of those you mentioned I've only seen Fargo and Miller's Crossing. But ya, I see whats going on onscreen and know other people are thinking it's an amazing, profound part and I just don't get it. Like we speak different languages :(

    3. Ha, fair enough. I feel that way about movies that people around me adore too sometimes. But if there's no connection there then you can't fake that.

  9. I'm clinging to hope for Deadpool to be fun. That and Hail, Ceaser! are about all I have for the next couple months.

  10. Will there be a post on the Oscar nominations? Don't see many surprises in there, aside from Quentin Tarantino not even getting nominated for Original Screenplay for The Hateful Eight. That was a bit of a shock, although the film has a great chance at Best Score.

    1. For a movie featuring so much testosterone it was nice that Jennifer Jason Leigh got an acting nomination. :-)

    2. I love that! She was the best, most compelling part of the picture for me.

      Quentin must be steaming he didn't even get a nod for this screenplay. He was just saying yesterday, not only does he think this is his best script (it isn't), but that it would score him his third screenplay Oscar. Ouch:

    3. Oscar voters are a fickle bunch. A couple of years ago African-American filmmakers (Steve McQueen) and actors (Lupita Nyong'o, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Denzel Washington) were getting nominated and/or winning for their work in infrequent movies with African American leads/themes. Even the little girl from "Beasts of the Southern Wild" got nominated. But in 2015, a year with banner critical and box office prominence for black actors/directors, the white screenwriters of "Straight Outta Compton" and supporting actor for "Creed" (Stallone) get nominated, but the black actors/directors of these films don't? I call major bullshit on that.

    4. I call bullshit on the Oscars in general. Always.

    5. ^^^ You mean you're still upset with the Oscars because Steven Spielberg's "Always" wasn't nominated for anything in '89? :-P

    6. Precisely! They haven't been the same since! ;)

    7. I'm shocked they are inviting such criticism for their lack of recognition of minorities in all the major categories once again. We just did the whole #OscarsSoWhite thing two years ago, yet here we are again! It's pretty pitiful.

    8. That's part of the problem. They never learn. Ryan Coogler directed some incredible boxing sequences in Creed, Michael B. Jordan ACTED in some incredible boxing sequences in Creed, and yet...

    9. It's the Oscars, people - they don't know good movies!

  11. I know I might regret this, but I am curious about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny. I'm not sure if the title is long enough. Also I'm worried about the release date strategy in the US (Netflix and select IMAX theaters).

    1. I'll totally watch that. And probably regret it.

  12. Holy crap! There's a new Cloverfield movie coming out in March :-)

    1. Really, it´s called 10 Cloverfield Lane ;-))

    2. Yeah, I checked it out! This came out of nowhere!