by Adam Riske and Alejandra Gonzalez
Adam: Ok, what is this? It looks like Eat, Pray, Pottery Barn. I half expect Reese to say “I never thought turning 40 would be this hard but it’s more difficult than when I couldn’t find these fabulous Zander Gray and Ivory Oversized Pillows.” Normally I would say “I’m never going to see this,” but for Home Again I’m all “I have to see this!” #MichaelSheenSailorShirt #LifestylePorn
Alejandra: Riske, you’ve captured my sentiments exactly. I was convinced at first this was aiming to look like a commercial for Crate & Barrel that would eventually go horribly wrong and turn into a horror story for the ages. You know, a Nightmare on West Elm Street of sorts. I mean, I guess it kind of IS like that since her only problem is having two incredibly attractive men fighting to earn her affections. Either way, I’m totally sold.
Adam: After hearing from someone in the know that this movie is good and that great four-minute scene from It that played before Annabelle: Creation, I am very excited for this movie. I’m a fan of the original TV movie so I was a bit of the “not my It” camp initially, but Bill Skarsgard looks like he’s put a cool spin on Pennywise and a horror warm-up in September before Scary Movie Month is always welcome.
Adam: I’m game. I like Michael Keaton. I’m in the mood for some B-grade action thrills. Is this Dylan O’ Brien’s big chance?
Alejandra: The first time I saw this trailer I was SO on board because I thought that Dylan O’ Brien was actually Gael Garcia Bernal (look, I was missing my glasses). Then, upon discovering it was actually not Gael Garcia Bernal, I immediately was off board again. This just doesn't feel like something I would want to watch, but I could definitely be wrong.
Alejandra: This one is one of my most anticipated movies right now. I would watch Javier Bardem do ANYTHING. ANYTHING. I’m still not sure what this movie will really be about, but the shameless Rosemary’s Baby poster imitation makes me think it’s something I’d be into...except that I might be really disappointed it’s not just Rosemary’s Baby with Javier Bardem in it. Maybe that’s what they want you to think? Either way, the trailer was gorgeous and I’m really looking forward to watching this, which is more than I thought I’d ever say about something with Jennifer Lawrence in it.
Adam: I want to see it for sure. Darren Aronofsky has made enough movies I’ve liked to warrant getting a chance each time out. I’m worried they’re giving too much away with the trailer and poster, though. What if this is JLaw’s make-good/soft reboot for The House at the End of the Street?
Adam: I’m going to see the hell outta Friend Request. It fits in perfectly with my evolving love for cheesy theatrical horror. Also, lead actress Alycia Debnam-Carey looks like if you took Teresa Palmer and Taissa Farmiga and combined them into one person. That is a compliment. How are they going to kill off all of her 800+ friends in a 90-minute movie? Did you know the film’s two taglines are “Look. Comment. Kill” and “Be careful who you click with?”
Alejandra: Okay, I am ALL over this one. I thought she looked like Taissa Farmiga too! At first I was like, who would want to be friends with someone THIS bad, but then I thought: “well Alycia IS really pretty.” I’m also super impressed by how much you already know about this…must have resonated with you. “Look. Comment. Kill” is how I live my life, too.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Adam: The Sinatra song does make that trailer. I liked the first Kingsman well enough, but this one seems very pleased with itself. Then again, I don’t think I was all that excited for the first one, so who knows?
The LEGO Ninjago Movie
Adam: I’m done with LEGO movies. So, so done with them. I can’t even talk about them without getting bored/irritated.
Alejandra: What the fuck is a ninjago?
Adam: “You had me at what the fuck is a ninjago.” - Jerry Maguire
Alejandra: I’m starting to wonder if Tom Cruise knows how to fly a plane in real life. Something about him rubs me the wrong way, and this looks like a total dad movie. Not that there’s anything wrong with dad movies, I just don’t think I’d go out of my way to watch it the way I would My Little Pony.
Adam: Don’t get me wrong. I like Tom Cruise, but this is one of those movies Patrick has referenced before that looks like it should have been made in the early 2000s. Like, it’s Blow but with Tom Cruise, right? I do admire(?) that Cruise is so desperately trying to hang on to the star-system type of movie (i.e. Tom Cruise is…. a lawyer/bartender/secret agent etc.) in a world full of IPs, where stars are put on the back-burner.
Battle of the Sexes
Adam: The fact that this is a Fox Searchlight movie from the directors of Little Miss Sunshine makes me not want to see it as much (also Steve Carell is maybe playing Bobby Riggs and maybe playing Austin Powers...or both) but it’s a sports movie and I love Emma Stone in anything, so I’m down.
Alejandra: You didn't like Little Miss Sunshine? I think I need to actually watch this one to answer your question about Steve Carell, but I love both him and Emma Stone so I’m not sure his playing Austin Powers wouldn’t completely turn me off. I also am not super into sports movies, but I’m interested in finally getting the answer to a question I ask myself everyday: which gender is better at tennis, a sport which I know nothing about? I mean, it’s based on a true story, so I guess I could just look up spoilers…
Adam: Little Miss Sunshine is indie nonsense imho.
Alejandra: There is SO much going on over the span of a couple minutes in this trailer that it’s actually frustrating. I haven’t seen the original Flatliners, but I feel like I barely even have to watch this now. Except that I totally do because of Diego Luna. Now I have to sit through the WHOLE thing. It’s so hard to be me.
Adam: This looks like Sony: The Movie. I recognize it’s not great, but I have some affection for the original Flatliners. It’s weird how little visual style this remake seems to have when the first one was best known for how psychedelic it was. Also, the new cast pales in comparison to the 1990 iteration.
Blade Runner: 2049
Alejandra: The best thing about Harrison Ford is that he plays Harrison Ford in every role. Which is why I know this will be one of my favorite movies of the year, no questions asked. I just wonder if it’ll be what everyone is expecting or not because of how beloved the original Blade Runner is. That’s always a problem with these kinds of movies.
The Mountain Between Us
Alejandra: This looks like it’ll be my mom’s favorite movie of the year. You and I already spoke about this, but I feel an incredible need to watch this movie just to see where the dog comes from. It wasn’t on the plane in the trailer, but then it’s on the mountain with them! Or maybe it was in the plane, and I was just too focused on Mr. Elba. It seems like it’ll be a good movie to go to with my parents and those are required sometimes.
Adam: I just want them to have a lot of snow pants sex up on that mountain. The tagline should be: Fuck. Raise Dog. Survive.
Alejandra: What the fuck is a “snow pants sex”?
Adam: It’s too cold to take off your clothes so you dry rub in your snow pants. It’s a thing in the Midwest.
My Little Pony
Adam: This doesn’t look that bad. Good voice cast and the animation is in 2D (in a Treasure Planet sort of way) which is cool. I’m never going to see it (Movie Math: Single Man + My Little Pony = Existential, if not literal, prison), but I hope it does well.
Alejandra: I am DEFINITELY watching this, and unironically too. I don't even remember the last time I saw something that was 2D the way this is, so it’ll be fun.
Alejandra: So this is kind of, like, Taken on maximum? Not my kind of movie, but for some reason the trailer really earned my interest. I love Jackie Chan but angry and sad old man Jackie kind of breaks my heart.
Adam: I want to have fun watching Jackie Chan. I don’t need Sadckie Chan in my life. That’s how bad 2017 is - they made Jackie Chan of all people into a morose dad out to avenge his daughter’s death. This movie looks like Collateral Damage. It would also gross $50M more if they replaced Pierce Brosnan with Chris Tucker.
Happy Death Day
Alejandra: This does not look good at all to me, but I’m THERE. The Groundhog Day thing is kind of super overdone, and I can't tell if she’s dreaming these days or if she’s actually living them over and over. But you’re right, the usage of “In Da Club” while being on the nose as hell really convinced me I need to watch this.
Alejandra: This trailer kind of made me cry. Am I soft? Also, does a Thurgood Marshall biopic really require a sex scene? Either way, I’m interested.
Adam: Chadwick Boseman will not stop until he plays every African American historical figure. I’m totally fine with that. He was in Draft Day. He can do whatever he wants.
Adam: Ugh. Gerard Butler and Dean Devlin.
Alejandra: I never particularly look forward to environmental disaster movies. They do as much for me as the Jennifer Lawrence movies I don’t watch that I mentioned earlier.
Adam: I would give anything if Geostorm was a return to even 2012 quality and not White House Down or Independence Day: Resurgence quality but the trend is pointing downward.
Only the Brave
Alejandra: Again, not super into natural-disaster-based-on-a-true-story flicks. And even though I AM super into Miles Teller, I probably won’t watch this
Adam: I feel like this movie will only work if watched while eating beef jerky.
Adam: I like Michael Fassbender, but the snowman gimmick is a little silly. This movie looks like something I would stumble upon on HBO in 1996 after the premiere of Copycat.
Alejandra: I really hope there’s snow pants sex in this one. See, you learn something new every day!
Adam: I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for a Saw movie. Sometimes absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. I like about half of the movies in the franchise thus far and I read the filmmakers of this one promised it would be more “fun,” which I’m all for with my horror usually. I’m pumped.
Adam: I’m not sure how to feel about this one. It seems interesting, but George Clooney as director is often a case of someone biting off more than they can chew.
Alejandra: You already know this, but my unwavering love for Oscar Isaac means I’m watching this even if he’s just in it for a short amount of time and even if it’s by the same person who directed The Descendants. My hopes aren’t super high, which usually turns out well for me.
Adam: But it’s not from the same director as The Descendants. It’s from the same director as The Monuments Men. If it was Alexander Payne, I would be much more into this. P.S. I fully support your unwavering love of Oscar Isaac because he is one of my favorite current actors.
Alejandra: That’s almost worse. Both movies put me to sleep so I guess there really is no difference.
Thank You for Your Service
Alejandra: No joke, I don't think I’ve seen a movie concerning itself with wars from the 21st century in my entire life and I don’t plan on ending that streak now. I just know these kinds of movies would upset me so I don’t bother, even if it IS Miles Teller.
Adam: As well intentioned as it may be, how is this movie going to make anything more than what Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk made last year? Miles Teller isn’t a draw. Iraq war movies aren’t draws. I feel like I’ve seen this movie a dozen times since 2007. I feel like a total asshole for saying that, but I don’t think I’m wrong either.
Alejandra: Miles Teller IS a draw, in my heart.