Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Random Thoughts About 2018 Movies (March - April)

by Adam Riske and Alejandra Gonzalez
There are decent looking movies coming out!

Death Wish (2018)

Adam: I would have been excited about this if it were ten years ago, but now I’m more simply curious of what a theatrical Bruce Willis movie looks like. It’s been a while. Same thing for Eli Roth. At least Joe Carnahan wrote the screenplay. I’m not sure I can handle seeing Elisabeth Shue get dropped, though. Whose idea was that? It was not a good one. That’s like throwing an axe at a rainbow.

Alejandra: Also, what was with that awfully timed poster circulating twitter? Anyway, I really love Eli Roth’s work so my interest in this movie is present but not enough to make me actually want to watch it before I read some reviews.

Adam: Yeah, that ad where Bruce Willis’ character is now being called a “patriot” is in poor taste. I think the studio knows the movie isn’t tracking well so they’re trying to politicize it to appeal to a fan base that otherwise wouldn’t see an Eli Roth movie. Movies are exhausting.

Update: I saw it. It was not very good.

Red Sparrow
Alejandra: Regular readers of this column would know that Jennifer Lawrence might be my least favorite person to watch ever, so I don’t know if I would watch this even if she wasn’t trying an accent.

Adam: I need to know why you dislike Jennifer Lawrence so much. The last few JLaw movies haven’t been my cup of tea (Joy, Passengers, mother!) so I’m hoping this is a personal rebound for me. I can’t say I’m super interested in the plot because it looks very been-there-done-that, but who knows? It could be good. There’s enough here of interest that I’ll see it.

Update: I also saw this one. It was entertaining, but nothing you need to rush out to see.


Adam: Eh, I dunno. I like most of the cast, but the premise and trailer don’t really interest me. Also, it co-stars Sharlto Copley and he’s the absolute worst.

Alejandra: This looks SUPER funny. I just can’t help feeling like it may be a hodgepodge of a plot, though. Risks like these are why MoviePass was invented.

The Hurricane Heist

Alejandra: Will there be 7+ of these too? I really hope so. Though I’m sad Vin Diesel is nowhere to be seen.

Adam: This movie looks soooo dumb and I kinda want to see it. Largely because it’s the new Rob Cohen joint and I’m ride-or-die for that guy’s career. I’m glad Mountain Dew is still making movies.

The Strangers: Prey at Night

Adam: Blech. I don’t want to see a family get terrorized and humiliated like this. The original The Strangers was enough for me. Pass.

Alejandra: more like (movie)pass.

Adam: No!


Alejandra: Oh HELL yes. All over this. This movie had me at Anya Taylor-Joy. I can't imagine how anything with her in it would be a bad movie...but that’s what I said about Split and look how that turned out for me.

Adam: The cast (including RIP Anton Yelchin) is appealing and the movie looks either quirky & fun or precious & terrible. Hoping for the former. This looks like a good spring movie.

A Wrinkle in Time
Adam: I like Selma and 13th enough to watch Ava DuVernay direct anything and this is that anything because I am not grabbed by this movie at all -- yet. I honestly have no idea what it’s about and I’ve seen the trailer many times. It looks like Tomorrowland to me. Please be better than Tomorrowland.

Alejandra: This is an automatic yes simply because of the diversity of the cast. I think this is an important movie for many reasons, including Sade writing an original song for the soundtrack and what it will mean for children of color to see themselves represented on screen as heroes. I’m excited and I’ve been looking forward to this for a very long time.

Love, Simon

Alejandra: So, this trailer seems to be the ad before all the Youtube videos I watch and I find myself really excited to watch it. I can’t tell if it’s going to be too John Green-esque or more similar to Edge of Seventeen (which I totally loved). I’m still probably definitely going to check this out.

Adam: This looks sweet. It sort of reminds me of Wonder in that it could be the well-intentioned and intelligent version of a movie that would have been mishandled in the 1980s/1990s. I’m not going to watch it, because it’s for teens and I’m a grown man. P.S. “I’m still probably definitely…” is my new favorite phrase.

Tomb Raider

Adam: Whatever. Maybe if I need a March Madness break or something. Thank G-D for MoviePass.

Alejandra: (movie)pass.

Isle of Dogs
Alejandra: I have a weird thing with Wes Anderson where I scoff any time somebody mentions him, but I can’t really justify why since there is not a single movie of his I don’t at least like. That being said, as a dog person through and through this is required viewing. The cast is pretty much perfect and I’m excited to see how some of them do with voice acting as animated characters.

Adam: I’m in. I’m there. I’m excited. After The Fantastic Mr. Fox, Moonrise Kingdom and The Grand Budapest Hotel, I'm all about any new Wes Anderson movie. The man is a genius and only getting better in my opinion.

Pacific Rim: Uprising

Adam: This looks like the movie equivalent to burning the roof of your mouth on Red Baron pizza bread.

Alejandra: That, though oddly specific, seems accurate (I’ve never burned the roof of my mouth on Red Baron pizza bread so it’s hard to tell). I’m still in as a huge fan of Pacific Rim.

Adam: Are you wrong cuz you wanna get it on till you die?


Alejandra: I’m into this! I feel like the ad that plays before Youtube videos doesn’t do the movie any favors and it reminds me of Happy Death Day in that regard, but I ended up really loving Happy Death Day, so hopefully the same applies here.

Adam: A Steven Soderbergh horror movie shot on an iPhone camera? Sold! This movie looks tense like Bubble, which is great because I dig Bubble. I’m also going to finally get to see what this Claire Foy phenomenon is all about.

Ready Player One

Adam: I’m into it. It’s Steven Spielberg going back to blockbuster movies, so I’m curious how it will turn out. I don’t like the photography (not unusual for 21st century Spielberg for me), but the visual effects look neat. If it’s as good as Speed Racer, I’ll be happy because Speed Racer is fun. I have not read the source material but that’s just because I don’t read any books unless they’re business books and I’m being forced to read them.

Alejandra: Is it so bad that I’m secretly really excited about this? I know there’s a lot of negative anticipation (is that a thing?) surrounding it, but it looks fun! Hardly ever a fan of dystopian movies but I think this will take a more light hearted approach to the whole thing, though I could be completely wrong.


Alejandra: I want to be excited because I love Taraji, but the last time I was excited about Taraji it didn’t go well. Also, I’m not the world’s biggest fan of the “Crazy Other Woman” genre.

Adam: Taraji P. Henson’s latest has a decent trailer, but so did Proud Mary and that wasn’t good. I’ll probably check this out from the library before the end of the year.

Adam: This looks funny. The premise of parents trying to cock block their kids on prom night is pretty inspired.

Alejandra: Omg. I have been so unbelievably excited for this for a long time. I LOVE JOHN CENA. Also, I can’t wait to see how it plays out. I mean, I know this is probably not going to be excellent but I know it’ll be a good time. WWVDD?

A Quiet Place

Alejandra: Literally every time this trailer shows up before a movie I can’t believe I’m being forced to sit through it again. I just don’t see how this movie could be entertaining? I can’t put my finger on what is making this movie SO unattractive to me but I’m gonna (movie)pass on this one.

Adam: So it’s like It Comes at Night but something is actually going to come this time? I think Emily Blunt’s silent screaming face is kinda funny. In all seriousness, I’ll probably see this and I hope it’s good but I’ve seen more people laugh at the trailer than I usually do when I go to the movies.


Adam: I’m normally not anti-remake, but why Overboard? Wasn’t it good enough the first time? I like Eugenio Derbez and Anna Faris, but I mean c’mon, that’s a significant downgrade from Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. This looks like Just Go With It 2: Just Go With It Again, Okay!

Alejandra: I’d just like to know one thing: how dare they?

Truth or Dare

Alejandra: This looks so...not good. And that really upsets me because Lucy Hale deserves to be in something good for once. Pretty Little Liars did her no favors either. Also what is with those facial expressions?

Adam: This looks so ridiculous. I need my old Friend Request buddy Patrick Bromley for this one. The “Black Hole Sun” faces people have in this trailer are creeping me out.

Adam: I’m not expecting much but I will see it. I love the arcade game and always wanted to see a movie made from it come to fruition, so I guess I’m getting my wish. I have my fingers crossed that Dwayne Johnson will also get genetically altered and we can see a giant version of him team up with the gorilla to fight the flying wolf and enormous crocodile.

Alejandra: I think I said once that I would watch anything with The Rock in it and I’m beginning to regret that. Either way, this looks like my type of ridiculous. Didn’t know it was based off an arcade game, but it makes so much more sense to me now...

Super Troopers 2

Alejandra: There was a Super Troopers 1?

Adam: As a fan of the original, I’ll definitely see this, but I would have been much more into it if it came out in 2004. Comedy sequels are never a good idea, especially ones that come long after the previous installment. My expectations are very low. Do you think this movie was borne out of the idea to release it on 4/20 and reverse engineered from there?


Adam: I’m a fan of the other Diablo Cody-Jason Reitman collaborations like Juno and Young Adult, so I’m definitely interested in seeing their latest. I hope it’s a rebound for Reitman (of whom I’m still a fan) because Labor Day was kinda weird and Men, Women & Children was very not good.

Alejandra: Will this be a better Bad Moms? Probably not, since Bad Moms is already perfect. I’ll watch anything with Charlize Theron and Mark Duplass in it, though, and I can’t tell what the movie will really be about based on the trailer, so I guess I’ll have no choice but to watch in order to find out.


Alejandra: The trailer for this incited literally no reaction inside of me. This was a movie I had no idea was happening and will probably forget is happening as soon as I'm done writing this. Too harsh?

Adam: I would rather just see a movie where Omar Epps, Paula Patton and others host a dinner party with no incident rather than a movie where their get-together is interrupted by home invaders.


Adam: I’d like to be more high-brow in my reasoning for wanting to watch this Rachel Weisz-Rachel McAdams Hasidic Judaism drama, but I mostly want to see it because it’s like a late-night Cinemax version of Menashe. It’s the Jewish sex picture I’ve been waiting for since my Bar Mitzvah in the mid-'90s. I’ll apologize on Yom Kippur but not today.

Alejandra: This is a strange amalgamation of two things I love: Jewish men, and girls kissing girls. Basically I’m there on opening night.

Avengers: Infinity War
Note: This was a last-minute addition after we had already finished the column.

Adam: We were done with Random Thoughts (March-April). They can’t do this.

Alejandra: This is outrageous.

Adam: Now the first weekend of summer is barren…barren!

Alejandra: But I’m actually pretty excited.

Adam: I am too.


  1. "Literally every time this trailer shows up before a movie I can’t believe I’m being forced to sit through it again." Ugh. Same.

  2. i saw a few of those already and we're in for a very unmemorable spring

    though i'm exited for Super Troopers 2, even if it's about 10 years late.

    and of course Avengers, because i'm a big fan of the Marvel movies

    1. I'm not sure i can talk about them, since they're not released yet

    2. I understand but I'm disappointed

    3. yeah, sorry about that. i didn't think when i wrote that line.

  3. Saw Thoroughbreds at Sundance. It definitely falls more on the quirky and fun side of things. It's not spectacular but Taylor-Joy is excellent, and we got one last great Anton Yelchin performance. I think you both will like it.

  4. 16-year-old me wants current me to be very excited about Super Troopers 2, but that bastard got me to watch all of Broken Lizard's other movies and I just can't.

  5. I thought I had read A Wrinkle In Time as a kid. But my memory is of a child that meets another family in the woods, and finally the family has been living for 1000's of years.

    And there seems to be a huge gap between that and the movie trailer!!! Maybe I'm remember another book!

    I'm ready for Pacific Rim! I love pizza, and robots, and Transformers has lowered the bar so much for robot movies, I'm going to enjoy it no matter what.