by Rob DiCristino and Adam Riske
Adam: Welcome to Reserved Seating. I’m Adam Riske.
Rob: And I’m Rob DiCristino.
My first pick is 1991’s The Rocketeer. The live-action version of this movie is solid to begin with, but after seeing last year’s Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse, I think The Rocketeer would be rife for a similar re-interpretation in that style of animation. The same could be said of Dick Tracy, but that’s from Touchstone Pictures so it doesn’t count for the purposes of this column. I can already see how visceral the flight sequences in The Rocketeer would be when translated to the Spiderverse style of animation. They would need to keep Timothy Dalton, though, as the voice of Neville Sinclair. He’s got animation pipes. I’m cool recasting Billy Campbell because Chris Pine is my Jack Ryan and now he can be my Rocketeer.
What’s your first choice, Rob?
the first film in the Honey Cinematic Universe, but since we’re only doing ‘90s films, the sequel will suffice. Rick Moranis has such a characicaturizable (?) face, and while the series was generally considered a benchmark in visual effects, the animated medium would definitely allow for some truly impressive and imaginative work. Fun fact: Brian Yuzna and Stuart Gordon worked on the original film. Wouldn’t it be great to see Re-Animator-esque gore in animation?
What’s next for you?
Adam: Solid pick! I revisited Honey, I Shrunk the Kids a couple of years ago and it barely held up (though it had ‘89 charm), so I didn’t proceed with rewatching the sequel. I’m thinking this animation spin on Honey, I Blew Up the Kid could modernize it in a cool way. I would love it too if Disney released an animated Blew and everyone was confused why they didn’t start with Shrunk. That would be baller.
Rob: I have fond memories of Man of the House, but I have to admit I haven’t watched it in forever. This would be a great opportunity. My next pick feels like such a cheat, but actually checks out by the rules of our premise. It’s David Lynch’s The Straight Story. Could you imagine the late, great Richard Farnsworth and Harry Dean Stanton animated in David Lynch’s surrealist style? They both had maps of the world on their faces that would make great caricatures. I would love to see how Lynch interprets the film’s beautiful landscapes through animation. You know he’d get weird with it — he’d probably do it in sculpture or pastels, or something like that. Maybe just a series of lights turning on and off. Who knows? We’d have to recast the roles, obviously. Maybe Sam Elliott as the voice of Alvin Straight? Ian McShane as his brother, Lyle? We can think about it. I would just love to see Lynch get Disney to pay for a big, weird art project.
My last pick is The Santa Clause. This is sort of an obvious choice since there have been vast amounts of animated films involving Santa Claus, but I’d really like to see Disney re-do the Tim Allen classic (Is it a classic?) in animation because the North Pole looks so shitty in those movies. Also, I’m sure the animated version would dial down all of the adult themes (child custody, court proceedings) that make The Santa Clause a bit of a drag. I would want to re-cast Tim Allen at this point since he’s kind of a tool man. I’ll go with Cole Hauser. I would pay $100 to see The Santa Clause animated with Cole Hauser as Scott Calvin. And Ben Affleck in the Judge Reinhold part. Basically, I just want to re-do The Santa Clause animated with the cast of Dazed and Confused. Wiley Wiggins plays the kid and he’s always scoffing and pinching his face like he did in the Linklater movie.
Adam: These seats are reserved.