Friday Night Double Features Vol. 7

by Adam Riske and Patrick Bromley

To Deakins, with Love.

Double Feature 1:

Adam: #1: Bulletproof (1996)

Patrick: #2: The Glimmer Man (1996)

Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: The Last Boy Scout (1991), Little Man (2006), “Head Detective” sketch from In Living Color, White Chicks (2004)

Patrick: Theme: Teaming Up with the Wayanses

Patrick: You know I love buddy cop movies, so even a night of sub-par entries in the genre is going to be totally watchable for me. Somehow the Wayans family has only made one good one despite a lot of attempts. I haven’t seen Bulletproof since it first hit VHS and I’d like to revisit it now that I’m on an Ernest Dickerson kick post-Cinepocalypse, but I don’t remember loving it.

Adam: I am so into this. I haven’t seen Bulletproof or The Glimmer Man since the late ‘90s, so it should be a fun nostalgia trip to revisit them. I even like the Wayanses despite it not being something I usually admit. I might be most excited about the “Head Detective” sketch.

Double Feature 2:

Patrick: #1: Piranha (1978)

Adam: #2: Blue Chips (1994)

Adam: Trailers/Shorts: Jaws (1975), Barracuda (1978), Rumble Fish (1983), The Chipmunk Adventure (1987), A Fish Called Wanda (1988), Free Willy (1993), Flipper (1996), Pringles commercial, Deep Blue Sea (1999), Finding Nemo (2003), I’m Reed Fish (2006), Chips Ahoy! Snack Break (with milk!), Ponyo (2008), Fish Tank (2009), CHIPS (2017), The Shape of Water (2017), Laurence Fishburne montage from Higher Learning

Adam: Theme: Fish and Chips (Ahoy!)

Adam: The natural pairing is CHIPS (2017), but I wasn’t going to put you through that again. Blue Chips is not great, but I could watch it anytime because screaming Nolte. I’m excited to finally see the Joe Dante Piranha. I heard it’s more muted than I had pictured it in my head. Is that true? Is it as good as Piranha 3D?

Patrick: The original is nowhere near as crazy as the remake, but I like it better. Hopefully it still plays when you’ve got 3D in your head. This has to be one of our more eclectic pairings, which should make it especially interesting. Finally, Barbara Steele and Shaq on the same double bill!

Adam: Yeah, I’m not sure how this one will go. It’s like when Van Halen played with Kool and the Gang at the United Center.

Double Feature 3:

Adam: #1: Chill Factor (1999)

Patrick: #2: The Ice Cream Man (1995)

Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Assault on Precinct 13 (1976), Wonder Woman (2017), “Ice cream pairing” scene from City Slickers, Kelis’ “Milkshake” video, There Will Be Blood

Patrick: Theme: We All Scream for Ice Cream

Patrick: I was originally going to pair Bulletproof with Chill Factor until I noticed it was your next pick. Great minds! Are we the only two people alive who enjoy Chill Factor?

Adam: Yes. I think if people would only give Chill Factor a chance, they’d come to see that it’s a little better than Fair Game (1995). I’ve never seen The Ice Cream Man. This might be my first “Clint Howard lead” viewing. Nice!

Double Feature 4:

Patrick: #1: One Crazy Summer (1986)

Adam: #2: About Last Night (1986)

Adam: Trailers/Shorts: Blame It on Rio (1984), No Small Affair (1984), Ghost (1990), The Butcher’s Wife (1991), Indecent Proposal (1993), The Scarlet Letter (1995), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

Adam: Theme: That’s Demi Moore Amore!

Adam: I haven’t seen One Crazy Summer and I like About Last Night, so this is shaping up to be a solid double bill. I don’t even know if I’m pro Demi Moore’s film career (I have oddly zero opinion one way or the other), so this evening might be a good test.

Patrick: I grew up on One Crazy Summer, but Demi Moore seems kind of openly miserable in it. You will get to hear her sing, though! This is a really solid lineup.

Double Feature 5:

Adam: #1: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Patrick: #2: Snow Day (2000)

Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Fever Pitch (1997), The Parent Trap (1998), Gilmore Girls “Pilot,” Girl, Interrupted (2000), probably any tampon commercial

Patrick: Theme: “There She Goes”

Patrick: I like the song “There She Goes” more than I like So I Married an Axe Murderer (a movie that has a devoted following I’ve never been able to understand), but I had no idea it was so ubiquitous in all of pop culture. Prepare to hear it a lot during this double feature.

Adam: This is an inspired theme, yo. I’m one of those weirdos that really likes So I Married an Axe Murderer. I haven’t seen it in many years, but I watched it on cable many times growing up. Anthony LaPaglia is that movie’s secret weapon. I’m legitimately excited about finally seeing Snow Day, too. That was a popular rental during my Blockbuster Video days.

Patrick: I don’t know what it is with me and SIMaAM. A bunch of my friends were way into and I just thought it was ok. And I for sure saw Snow Day in theaters, not because I was dying to see it on the big screen but because the timing fit with the other three movies I was seeing that day. It’s fine!

Double Feature 6:

Patrick: #1: Hollow Man (2000)

Adam: #2: Wild Things (1998)

Adam: Trailers/Shorts: The River Wild (1994), Murder in the First (1995), Sleepers (1996), Super (2010), X-Men: First Class (2011), Cop Car (2015)

Adam: Theme: Bad Piece of Bacon

Adam: I’m a big Kevin Bacon fan, so of course a night of Bacon villainy sounds fun. I was torn between picking Wild Things or The River Wild as the second feature, but the latter didn’t feel sleazy enough to follow Verhoeven.

Patrick: I still haven’t seen The River Wild, but I will second your fandom of Kevin Bacon. He has quietly built an amazing body of work over the last 30+ years and he’s consistently great in everything. Wild Things is definitely the better choice for the double feature, though we will need to take showers afterwards.

Adam: The River Wild is pretty good. There’s a scene where Bacon and Joseph Mazzello talk about Jane’s Addiction. I sort of wish the whole movie was just that.

Double Feature 7:

Adam: #1: The Great Outdoors (1988)

Patrick: #2: The Boy Who Could Fly (1986)

Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Cheetah (1989), Little Nikita (1988), There Goes My Baby (1994), 1990 Afterschool Special “Stood Up!”

Patrick: Theme: Lucy Deakins Tribute

Patrick: I had a huge crush on Lucy Deakins when I was a kid -- one that peaked with her performance as the small-town girl romanced by Chris Young in The Great Outdoors. Why she had such a brief career I will never understand; except for a couple of soap operas and some Law & Order, this double feature represents the entirety of her output as an actor. Maybe she just realized the world didn’t deserve her.

Adam: So did I! This woman was made for 4K.

Double Feature 8:

Patrick: #1: Swamp Thing (1982)

Adam: #2: Deadly Friend (1986)

Adam: Trailers/Shorts: The Last House on the Left (1972), The Hills Have Eyes (1977), The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1984), Deadly Blessing (1981), Music of the Heart (1999)

Adam: Theme: Adam’s Unseen Cravens

Adam: I’ve seen a lot of Wes Craven movies and love (or at least enjoy) most of them, but I’m noticing I always go back to the same ones and stop short of completing his filmography. I’m intimidated by the more nihilistic Last House-Hills Have Eyes Wes Craven. With that in mind, how would you rank this list of movies in order of what I should watch?

Patrick: I love Wes Craven, but some of those early movies are pretty rough. Knowing you pretty well, I don’t think you’re going to get anything from Last House on the Left, which is good at being what it is and is certainly “important” but will only upset you. I’d stick with The Hills Have Eyes (which is rough but not traumatizing) and Deadly Blessing. And probably Music of the Heart, which I also haven’t seen but which you could very well end up loving. You’ve seen Deadly Friend, right? That feels like your jam.

Adam: No, I haven’t seen Deadly Friend yet. I’ll rectify that in October (or maybe pre-October).

Double Feature 9:

Adam: #1: Death Becomes Her (1992)

Patrick: #2: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Stay Tuned (1992), Rapid Fire (1992), School Ties (1992), Diggstown (1992)

Patrick: Theme: Patrick’s Actual 1992 Double Feature

Patrick: This was a real double feature I did in early August of 1992. I got dropped off to see Buffy at One Schaumburg Place (I couldn’t drive yet), then walked over to Woodfield 1&2 to see Death Becomes Her. It was a good day at the movies. I don’t remember exactly what trailers I saw, though, so I just picked some mall movies that came out in the weeks following these two.

Adam: Yes to everything this. Both Death Becomes Her and Buffy are 2.5/4 Riskes to me, but I know they both have that 3/4 in them if I keep revisiting. This makes me really want to watch that Stay Tuned con bootleg I own. How is there not a real DVD of Stay Tuned? Can we rebuild the Woodfield 1&2?

Patrick: There was an old snapcase DVD of Stay Tuned, but it’s long out of print. And I’d put Death Becomes Her at a 3, but Buffy will forever be stuck at a 2.5. Even seeing it that day in 1992, I knew they kind of whiffed the inspired premise.

Double Feature 10:

Patrick: #1: Action Jackson (1988)

Adam: #2: Harlem Nights (1989)

Adam: Trailers/Shorts: The Last Dragon (1985), Never Too Young to Die (1986), Bruce Willis “Respect Yourself” music video, Young Einstein (1988), Mr. Saturday Night (1992), On Deadly Ground (1994), The Postman (1997), Battlefield Earth (2000), Eddie Murphy “Party All the Time” music video

Adam: Theme: Vanity Projects

Adam: I don’t have the Heavy Action affection for Action Jackson that you do yet (the final scene with the car is fantastic, though), but that’s more of a statement of me needing to see it again. This double bill provides that opportunity! And to honor Vanity! And to finally see Harlem Nights! And to remind myself that I want to watch Mr. Saturday Night really bad but never will!

Patrick: It’s always hard to pick my favorite double feature from each of these columns, but this one might be it. Harlem Nights is not great and I will join you in probably never seeing Mr. Saturday Night, but I’m wounded that you don’t share my love of Action Jackson. He says “Chill out” and then sets someone on fire! Either that doesn’t make sense or Action Jackson was way ahead of the curve in embracing irony.

Adam: I completely forgot about “Chill out!” I walk back not loving Action Jackson.